Tuesday, 21 April 2009
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Is This Guy A Player or A Keeper?
There is a guy who I'm interested in, but I can't tell if he wants something serious or was just trying to get with me. My friends and I went to visit him this last weekend at his college and since we didn't know anyone else, we had to stay with him as. Well, all through the night, he was rubbing my back or playing footsie with me, but then he would be around all these girls and hug them. When we were on our way home, he put his arm around me as was flirting with me. When we got to his place (which was a dorm) he set up spots for my friends to sleep and told me the only stop for me was with him. While we were in his bed he talked to me, and all of a sudden, he kissed me. We were making out for a while until I wanted to go to sleep. That's when he told me to kiss him good night, and when I turned away from him, he kissed me on the back of my head. I thought that was really sweet, and the whole night, he slept with his arms around me and held my hand.
Instead of just someone to make out with, he turned into someone I could see myself with now. But there is no way I'm letting my guard down until I know for sure he's not a player and actually likes me for me. He could have any girl he wants, it seems.
So what do you think? Are those signs of him possibly liking me? Guys...are there certain things you do when you really like a girl that you wouldn't do when you just wanted her to have fun with?
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- From: anonymish
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Comments (48)
come on trust your gut here. he's a bit too smooth for him not to be a womanizer.
but hey, nothing wrong with that. just got to be able to keep up with him.
Of course he doesn't like you. I mean, what kind of guy kisses a girl, sets it up so she has to sleep with him in his bed, plays footsie with her, rubs her back, and holds her hand and likes her? That doesn't make sense.
All confusing signs. But it seems your guts telling you to keep your guard up, so keep it up! :)
"he set up spots for my friends to sleep and told me the only stop for me was with him."
And you actually did it? If I were you I'd take Bug's advice and "run for the hills, folks". That's just plain creepy.
It doesnt sound like he wants something serious, but he definately sounds into (or wants to be in) you. I would trust my gut and not get too attached, but hey, you know he could be prince charming, I'd say give it a try and get to know the guy...but dont get serious or physical too soon. Be safe and keep it in the back of your mind.
@Lynnjynh9315@xanga - thats is creepy, but it worked now, didnt it?
I don't know. It doesn't sound like he wants what you want. Sounds like he's just trying to get you to sleep with him, by acting like a nice guy & such.
@wolvenchic@xanga - Can anyone say "wifebeater"? How about "jealous and domineering"? Honestly- player/one-night-stand is the best she could hope for.
Me? I'd be getting that restraining order right about now.
I dont know, if he's super smooth then he might be a playa playa ya'll XD buuuut he didnt try anything soooo he might be genuine.
@Lynnjynh9315@xanga - Ill definately agree with you, I dont think there is much hope for a serious (or exclusive) relationship. But I wouldnt go as far as to call him a wife beater ahaha
Better safe then sorry, but if you're never willing to risk it, you'll question this about every guy you get involved with, then you'll never get anywhere. You have to trust your gut. Also, is it even a possibility that you could end up together? If this was a one time thing, maybe he thought he could just have a little fun for the weekend. If you really need to know - bring it up, tell him that, in general, you're not just gonna sleep with any guy who comes around and seems nice, then hopefully he'll get the point. If he keeps doing what he's doing, then chances are he really wants to be with you. I hope that makes sense.
Wait, he didn't start begging for a blow job before you went to sleep...
He wasn't all hands while making-out...
He didn't try anything while you slept...
Hi didn't wake up with a giant hard on asking for help...
He was a gentleman and showed restraint and respect...
doesn't sound too serious to me, possibly looking for a hookup? Do what you want buuuuut... be careful.
Not enough information to make a call.
from this tiny tid-bit of information you've shared, he sounds exactly like my ex boyfriend-in which case you should go screaming and running the other way. I can foresee you being swept away by his "character" only to have it cruelly crushed into pieces...c'mon, read my recent xanga posts and you'll see...
then again, I don't know any background information here so it could be a biased call?
I'd keep your guard up - by keeping it cool and casual. You can keep flirting, keep making out- but just don't go farther than that unless it's more than random sex. But, make it seem like you couldn't care which way it goes. I dunno, just cool and casual?
Keep it real and just ask him where he'd like things to go. You can't sit around and guess how he's feeling. 'Cause we don't know, and you won't know unless you ask the only one who does - him. You can't prevent being hurt all the time, sometimes chances need to be took. You never know what could happen. Best of luck to you ;).
Here's a question: How old are you?
Most "player-like" guys do this sort of thing to younger girls because they're perceived to be "easier". If you're very close to him in age, it might improve your chances.
Also, the big question, of course, is - did he find a way to, and does he continue to, remain in contact. If so, at least he's interested for now.
The last guy I dated was the kind of guy who's extra touchy with girls. He just loves having a girl to cuddle, kiss, or do at all times. He hugs girls as much as possible.
He could kind of tell that I was a somewhat reserved girl, so he would do things like brushing his lips on mine when he wanted to kiss me for the first time instead of just going in for a kiss. Later, he wanted to move on to boob-grabbing, which he let me know by slowly sliding his hands closer to my boobs when he was touching my stomach or shoulders.
He did everything cliche and sweet that you could think of, opening doors, waiting outside in the Michigan winter just so I wouldn't be alone when I got off the bus.
Turns out he's a serial two-timer, and he was dating his ex from back home at the same time as me.
-shrug-
I tend to trust guys more when they're willing to go through being friends with you for a while before asking you to be their girlfriend or just asking you to be their make out buddy.
Without this part:
..but then he would be around all these girls and hug them..
I would said he likes you. But right now-now, I wouldn't invest in anymore time or emotion for him until he makes a move that tells you he IS interested in YOU.
get to the point.. You have to go all the way out there to see him.
By what you had said about him & tried all those moves on you...
He is a definitely a playing with you.
Girl, trust your gut feeling and move on..
could go either way... but if you don't go to the same college he might've just been having what he thought was a one-night flirtation sort of thing.
extra friendly with girls in general, touchy-feely, a reserved spot for you on his bed at his dorm room, making out and cuddling when he barely knew you...hmm...this sounds fishy
Well, all guys do different things to show that they like a girl. Some of them do things that make no sense (therefore girls don't catch it at all) and some of them do really blunt things. Then, some do things that seem like they like you, even when they don't.
Hum, whether he's a player or not is a different story. When he was around those other girls, how did he treat you? Was he still wrapping his arm around you and showing you affection? Or was he kind of detached from you, as if he didn't want them to think he liked you like that?
He could be just close friends with them, but I don't know. How much was he hugging them? How was he hugging them? If he was hugging them closely, for longer than what a friend would do - or multiple times in a row - that could be something to worry about. I mean basically if he was all touchy feely with them, that's peculiar.
If I were you I wouldn't let my guard down for a while. How long have you known each other? I think you should probably keep your guard up, and watch how he behaves. There are all sorts of signs that he's into your body rather than you, watch out for those signs. Do you know anyone who's known him for a while? Ask them about it.
Whether he's a player or not is beyond me from what you've given as information, because he could just be friendly. So, just watch how he acts, behaves, talks, etc. That should give you a really good idea. Watch how he treats you around these other girls too.