Sunday, 19 April 2009
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Is It Worth Meeting Up to Break Up?
I've heard way too many stories of how couples should not break up through technology. This includes over instant messenger, text messages, over the phone or any other kind that does not allow the two of you to see each other face to face. I'm 17 and have been in two relationships over the past two years; both involved breaking up through technology. The majority of us would say "No! Don't break up using the phone or computer". Yes, I agree because I simply think it's just a bad idea. At the start of this year, my BF and I broke up after a three month relationship, and I did initiate the break up through MSN. I knew I should tell him face to face, but I just didn't know how. He was the one who'd always planned when to go out for dinner and out and about. If I decided to see him face to face, he probably would assume "Let's go to the shops and eat and hang" and then at the end of the day he'd receive some bad news. I didn't think it was worth the time to go out and then just break up. If I did organize a time to meet up and talk, personally it would be awkward. I can't imagine how the conversation would go.
I'll give you an example - Let's pretend we did meet up at a local park.
Me: Hey, I don't think we should be together anymore because lately I feel that we are so distant from each other that I'm starting to lose the connection with you
Him: Okay, I knew something like this was coming
Me: Oh good, I don't have to say much then... (Shit, I shouldn't have said that)
Him: Well it's been good sharing the relationship with you
Me: CoolBy the way, that was our real conversation (not word for word, but close)
Okay...so now what? That was, like, a ten second conversation. Was it worth breaking up face to face for a ten second conversation? (You don't need to answer this question - it's rhetorical)
Have you and your previous SOs broken up through technology? Was that easy? Or did you meet up and end the relationship face to face? Was that harder? How did you even manage to "plan" the break up face to face and what did you guys do after the "talk"?
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- From: Whiskers
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Comments (64)
If you meet to break up, it makes you look like less of a wimp/jerk. Don't ever break up through text message/internet.
I think it's better to break up in person, just because it makes you look more sincere. I'd probably dislike it even more if the person did it over AIM, texting, or whatever.
My boyfriend and I had a "surprise breakup" over the phone, as in either of us knew it was coming the day before....basically the night before we were still very lovey dovey and planning our next adventure together, but the day after I found out from his best friend that he was having doubts about our LDR, I confronted him, and that was the end of it. Because it was semi-long distance and because it was a surprise, we had to do it over the phone. But the day after, he came into town to end things personally. Both times were hard, but at least I knew he respected me enough to end things in person, and I could look into his eyes and saw his struggles, so that helped me a little.
We're back together now after half a year of separation. But if I had to go through that experience again (knock on woods), I'd still rather do it face-to-face at one point to get closure.
Face to face breakups just show respect for your relationship, if you don't care about the person then go ahead and do it over technology but if you've ever cared for them, show them respect and man up.
idk ... i think a HINT over technology would be at least somewhat helpful. my ex broke up with me after being on the opposite coast for 5 weeksfor flight attendant school. he called me every single night, texted every day, but the week he got home he started to get weird... i was still two hours away from where he'd moved, but he still said he was planning to visit me the very next weekend. (stupid v-day) he built it up in my head that he missed me and everything, then we saw each other and was like, "uh, yeeeeaah so, im not really wanting a relationship right now" ".......oh"
.... so i basically freed up my night for? weeping inconsolably with friends while they ate a tub of ice cream i didnt feel like eating. happy valentines day, me.
a hint though? might have helped
It's always easier said than done, but I do think it's more respectful and tactful to do it in person if possible. I'm not completely sure, but I think it's nicer to be there for a clean, no-hard-feelings cut from the relationship (unless we're talking about crazy boyfriends/girlfriends). It's more sincere, and less thoughtless. I think breaking up via text, email, or the like kind of makes a person feel like he/she isn't really worth the time. Phone is okay, if that's the only way of communication.
Well, it's easier to break up through technology. Neither person has to worry about the other seeing them upset, they don't have to worry about how they sound when they talk, etc. It erases some worries, basically. Yet, breaking up in person is a good idea - at least when the relationship was serious, and had been going on for a while. I mean, really, I'd be pissed if someone broke up with me by saying, "We haven't been communicating lately.." because if they were feeling bad about that, they damn sure could have told me.
it doesn't seem like your relationship was all that serious anyway, if it was that quickly/easily resolved
I just realized I did break up with my ex (the second time) over the phone. But that's because he was talking to me online during our break expressing "feelings of infidelity." It was either he dumped me on MSN or I quickly called and did it first. I loved my pride more than I loved him, I suppose.
It was weird and I hated not being able to have reality sink in while we were face-to-face. I definitely suggest being in the same room, even if you don't want to look at them.
Breaking up in person at least shows basic human respect for your ex/soon to be ex. Don't ever break up through technology. Even though it's harder face to face, it's easier to see facial expressions and reactions and such. Through MSN/text/etc it could always be someone messing around.
I've had one break up that was a fade out, two break ups over AIM, three break-ups in person, and one over the phone.
None of them were easy, and none of them were any harder than break-ups normally are I guess.
I'm a very "talk-it-out" type of person, but none of the people I see to date are...so it's very much the break-up statement and then little to no contact after (with the exception of one break-up that lasted in a messy attachment for almost two years).
The thing is, breaking up isn't usually just breaking up. It's... yknow, talking about what went wrong and seeing if you can fix it or if breaking up really is the only option.
I remember when breaking up with one of my exes... like he was at taiwan for about 3 months, and i wanted to wait for him to get back to tell him the news. I wanted him to wait until I see him face to face. BUT. the morning when he got back and called me, he was pushing it witht he whole, omg i miss you, i love you. and i couldn't say it back! I didn't want to lie, so I just kinda did it over the phone... =T
one of my exs broke up with me over the phone while he was drunk. the other one broke up with me face-to-face in the same spot where i first learned that he was in love with me. i prefer face-to-face... it shows that you had some dignity.
Hmm. I broke up with both of my exes via technology.
Haha, the first one, we were working together... I was upstairs, he was downstairs and I IMed him....
Ah well. I think it worked out great.
Using technology is def easier.
But that's why face-to-face is better. Breakups should be hard.
better in person..
though i was broken up with through text
it sucks
but either way. i'm happy now :)
First relationship- broke up via messenger
Second relationship- broke up via the phone
Third relationship- broke up via text
I feel like a coward that I couldn't handle things face-to-face but yeah, why meet up for an awkward short conversation?
Maybe it depends on how much that person means to you. I'd do it in person.
well...
I dated a guy for a while and then he broke up with me by changing his relationship status to single *surprise*
That sucked. Don't do that.
We got back together and the next time he broke up with me he did it via facebook message. It gave him a chance to say everything he wanted to say without reading a speech and getting too emotional to remember everything he wanted to say. I appreciated that, and we talked about it in person.
However I think that breaking up in person may show more respect for the relationship. There are circumstances, of course, that warrant a technology-assisted break-up. For example, LDRs, or other relationships that are primarily technology-driven.
If you think that going out of your way for a ten-second conversation is pointless and a waste of time, then it shows your lack of respect for your relationship. And if that's a case, it's definitely a good thing that you're cutting the other one loose. But the least you can do is do it in person. It makes you less of an arse.
Face to face is the right way to go... you can talk through things, see what the other person is actually feeling... But... through technology is easier sometimes because it's easier to erase their memory and forget about it... this is coming from someone who got broken up with through technology, I've only broken up with someone myself in person... I'd say in a distance situation, it would be easier through technology. For one, I would hate to get excited to see someone who I haven't seen in a month or so to have it end... The disappointment would just be a lot harder, in my opinion... That, and it's easier to erase their memory. If it's someone I see everyday anyways, I would rather it be in person.
He asked me over AIM if I was thinking about breaking up, and I told him yes. He told me don't, and I said, it doesn't matter, I am (thinking about it).
The following weekend we met up to "hang out" and he asked the question again: "are you still thinking about breaking up with me?", again, I answered yes. He ended up breaking up with me just because I said I was thinking about it. However, I'm glad he did. I probably would not have known what to do otherwise...
To break up in person shows you have respect for the other party & for the relationship. However, if you can't do it personally, the next best option is on the phone.
My boyfriend recently broke up with me via text message.. about 3 weeks ago. We've since reconciled but I gave him my two cents about his cowardly move & he's promised to never do it again. It was right before my visit & so I told him he had to do it face to face. He had said it but then acted differently 'cause he knew he didn't want to break up. Our story is complicated.
With my first boyfriend, I broke up with him over the phone 'cause I couldn't deal with him anymore & I could not wait until Thanksgiving break to do it in person. We had just started college & were doing long distance but he was too controlling & overly jealous of everything I did. We had been fighting every night for a month & it was hindering my schooling. I also couldn't see a future with him but I didn't plan to break up with him until that one night he really pushed me over the edge. I don't think it would have made a difference whether I did it over the phone or in person 'cause nothing he could have done or said would have swayed my opinion. However, what he did after.. now that was crazy. & I had never asked for him to meet up with me in person.. he stalked me & figured out my schedule. >.<
It will hurt either way via the phone, text, or face to face.
I don't like drama so I try to avoid it by texting or going on aim. Plus when breaking up with someone in a public place, there is a possibility they might act out (yelling, crying, incoherent mumbling, possible death threats).. So yep, trying to avoid those.
and datingish --shame on you. that is a picture from videojug you stole. j/k