Sunday, 19 April 2009
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Being Affected by First Love Syndrome
So, I'd like to think I have a pretty good grip on reality. I'm usually very realistic and I don't let myself get carried away with things that I know aren't going to happen. However, I think I've come up with what I've deemed a case of "First Love Syndrome". A person affected by this syndrome becomes quite the dreamer, has delusions of their love lasting forever, can't imagine life without their significant other, etc.
I thought I would avoid this; for as long as I've been with my boyfriend, I've held the belief that I was going to enjoy the relationship as it lasted and not really worry or even think about about all things related to our future. I enjoyed every day with him as they came. It was as simple as that. First Love Syndrome was not going to affect me, even if I was in fact, feeling that I was in love. I was more realistic than that.
However, after sixth months of successfully living in the present, I'm beginning to imagine a future with my boyfriend. We've planned for the summer and for next school year, which I feel is okay. I feel ridiculous for thinking about my future with him past college. We're six months in. Thinking about our future past college feels ridiculous. I just find myself hoping, you know?
Obviously, I've been feeling less realistic and more like I want this to last forever. I think this stems partly from the fact that if my boyfriend and I were to break up, it would shatter my world. I don't have many close friends on campus, nor do I really hang out with anyone else on a regular basis here at college, other than him. He's become everything I have here. I want us to last forever, because I honestly don't know what I'd do without him.
The problem (as I see more than one) is that I want to focus on is the fact that I'm not being realistic anymore. I feel as if I'm only going to get hurt worse if/when the relationship ends if I stay under the impression that our relationship and love is infallible and forever.
How can I get back to my more realistic way of thinking?
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Comments (33)
With every passing day, the chances of you becoming immune to the First Love Syndrome lessens. Just embrace it. Love is not logical. Just don't get too caught up and lose yourself.
I've made that "mistake" of getting caught up and planning my entire life out with him and though it really hurts when some of the plans fall through, let yourself fall in love. We're still together and sometimes letting yourself see a future will open doors to make it reality.Tell him how you feel then and try harder to make other friends? I'm not saying be distant or take a break, but one of the nights when you would normally hang out with him, force yourself to hang out with other people and do something without him.
that sounds like me. I'm afraid of what I've gotten myself into.
But don't hold back, and don't be afraid. Embrace it, because if you pull away you'll hurt him and any chance at happiness.
I dimly recall the giddyness of first love. YET - I think in a way you answered your own question... you said that you don't have many close friends or get out with others much on campus. Change this, pronto... Not only because it helps to have a supportive social network, but it will help broaden your horizons past just "your guy" if things start to go south. Also, try to find other interests... hobbies... become more involved in school if you aren't already. Basically, learn to have more of a "life" to fall back on ... not saying you don't already but it not only helps in the chances that you will one day have to kiss this relationship goodbye, but also in general - having varied and active areas of interest improves your life. Carpe deim...
***only plan a future because you truly love him, not just because you have no one else to depend on, btw
It's ok to think about the future and toy around with the idea, it's human nature to start thinking ahead especially with someone that has a potential sense of permanence. These feelings would only heighten as time passes. It's natural. just make sure it's not based on dependence, but because of love. At six months and given the current situation, it may be a little too early to tell. Be social, and build your own world and if you still feel like he should be in it, sure. If these plans are mostly only school related, it's just because he's all you're familiar with. find some more friends and the dependence will lessen. of course you'll get hurt if you should happen to break up. Time only increases it because you've invested so much of it. Just hope for the best and build a support group that you can turn to.
I feel like if you're been with someone long enough, first love or not you start imagining the future, that's just how we work. I think it's healthy in a way as long as you don't obsess over it. For example, I actually had an alarming moment last summer (after 1.5 years of great relationship) when I was at the beach with my boyfriend and we started talking about al the cute kids...and all of a sudden I realized that I was envisioning OUR kids. But that also shows that you're entering a new phase...I think one thing to keep in mind is that love is NOT logical. No matter how much of a realist you think you are, love just doesn't work that way. So, as people above said, embrace it. Be glad that you're with someone who makes you feel like you want to be with him forever...so what if things end? At least you didn't hold back because of some irrational fear inside you. Allow yourself to be vulnerable~
I don't think this is your idea of first love syndrome, because it's been 6 months
and you shouldn't worry about being less realistic, in my opinion...because, and this is going to sound stupidly corny, but that's part of what makes it 'love'. I mean, if it was rational, a lot of people would be in a lot less pain, right?
What, I think, screws a lot of people's relationships up is when they start to poke holes in what comes naturally because they feel there's a problem with it
Do whatever feels right, let yourself be yourself.
::corny.::
By the way, congradulations
Could live with all his flaws? Really look at him as a person.
first of all, i don't think you need to be scared of being too unrealistic. half of the fun of being in love is not knowing whats going to come next-it's a fun and scary thing to think about.
i've been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years now. we decided to go to college together because the distance would have been too much. we didn't tell eachother we loved eachother until 11 months- but even before that i had dreams of being with him forever.
i think that it is natural to think about wanting to be with someone forever. it's human nature, it's a part of being in love with someone.
as long as you make sure that you are thinking "i WANT to be with him forever" instead of "i WILL be with him forever", the heartbreak in the end will be a lot less mortifying.
lol i am the same way as you...well i imagine plenty of people are, i dont want to let go of that feeling that like, if we broke up, i couldnt handle it. i'm pretty sure i've grown and i could handle it maturely, but im in it pretty deep for this one, idk how it would affect my future relationships if we ever broke up. but more often, i find myself thinking about how we're going to move forward into our future ...
It seems the only thing that ever breaks me of this is breaking up. But if I could do it all over, I would stay busier with my own life, using the future probabilities as the things I think about before I fall asleep at night.
I see nothing wrong with being a little unrealistic... I mean, what's really logical about love anyway?
I think your only issue is that you should still try to make and have other friends on campus.
i think when you love someone, you should just dive in eyes closed. while it may seem scary, you wouldn't know what love is otherwise. just know that whatever happens happens and for now at least you have the chance to be happy. don't worry about the future. just be glad if/when anything happens, at least you know you once had something/someone that made you truly happy! :)
I don't think it's so bad. Just go with the flow!
this isnt a bad thing at all. being in love is wonderful and u shouldnt over analyze it! enjoy the time you are spending with him now and dont worry about college til the summer because you can make new friends and wont just have him! try and make things work as long as possible, because the longer youre in love, the more you wont regret it!
First Love Syndrome is God-awful, mainly cos it comes as it pleases - and eventually, it'll leave as it pleases. I'm going through someone similar, to the point where I think about him every single bloody second of the day, and sometimes I just have to stop and tell myself to get a grip.
There's not really anything to counter this - except getting yourself focused in other things, like hobbies and what not. Except when it's really bad, the significant other will probably worm him or herself into that, too.
Wow I have so been there...
I guess try to focus on other things around you: work? school? friends? extra curricular activities? -- with all that stuff it usually brings you back to reality, rather quickly too.
WOW! I feel like you were writing about me! I'm dead serious. I'm so going to add you as a friend right now, and subscribe because its great to know that there are people out there going through the same thing as me! I have written countless blogs on this subject, and I have no answer for this problem of ours. I don't have any friends at college either because it's in my hometown, and all of my friends are at universities. Plus it's a small college, and everyone is sectioned off like high school, or they're married or in the army. Ahh..sorry about the mini rant.
And on your main topic, I feel the same way and often have frequent thoughts about marriage with my guy of a little over a year. I think it's normal. We both joke about marriage sometimes, and I know it'll get serious when we both stop joking and start visioning. =)
Hope you don't mind if I add and sub!
Start meeting new people and hanging out with your other friends! Sometimes a girl needs to rant to someone else that is snot a guy or significant other!
I think independence is important in a successful relationship so neither of you will feel suffocated. Learning that you can live without that person if you really have to takes away alot of the anxieties.
And enjoy every minute of your relationship =]
best of luck!
I understand ^^
'Have a life, get a life' !! Start having hobbies, take yoga classes, whatever, anything! Have ur own life, and then have ur bf but first of all have ur own life! Hang out with friends, and if u don't have any, get some!
Being 'needy' isn't good for ur relationship.. Though I think u're also in love
...When u're in love and have ur own life u live this differently, better cos if things don't end up well (which I hope doesn't happen) u'll have anyway sth u know
good luck ;)
I guess it depends on where you are in life. For high school, it's natural to think that the first guy you are with, you will be together with him forever. I think the same can be said for college, too.
It's natural to think far ahead in the future when you're in a relationship and everything in the relationship is working out fine.
Relationships aren't guaranteed so try not to plan too much into the future until you've reached that point. For example, if you're dating a guy in either high school or the first few years of college, just have fun and enjoy it. Don't think too much about the kids part because people change and the situation change. One person might have to go away for school or another person might have to move away for a job.
It's hard, BUT it's not bad. I suggest you join a club or a sport, make some new friends so that you can gain some "alone time" away from your boyfriend. So that when you two are together, things will be even sweeter than before. :)
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Embrace it for all its worth at the moment. People in love usually have their heads up in the clouds and its a good feeling! It'll gradually bring you back to Earth so just enjoy it for now~