Sunday, 19 April 2009
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I Have A Crush On A Guy I Absolutely Can't Crush On
So...here's the thing. I'm 19. I have a crush on a 30 year old (Greg). He's incredibly nice and is fun to be around. Everyone who knows him likes him. He's great with kids, but has none of his own. Helps anyone who needs help. He's a genuinely nice guy.The catch, because there is ALWAYS a catch, is that he is my mom's boyfriend's cousin. Yeah, awkward.
I mentioned to my mom that I find him attractive and she's made jokes about it since then. She is not bothered by it, but I think that her boyfriend would be, especially because 1) it's his cousin and 2) he is 11 years my senior. But he doesn't seem it. He looks younger, like 25, and acts younger without acting immature.
So here are my questions...How would I bring this up to Greg? Should I even bring it up or should I just hope it passes?
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About the Author
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- From: NikkiCait
- About Me: I'm 19 and single. I talk too much, don't blog enough, and have too many friends for my own good.
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Comments (39)
If you think the trouble that spawns from it will be more of a hassle than anyone wants, then you could probably stand to wait for another guy, or a more appropriate time. Does he show obvious interest in you, too? If so, maybe it'll be worth it to work it out together. But remember, it's not just your life, it's your mom's, her boyfriend's, and possibly the rest of the family. Be sure you'd be willing to deal with the repercussions before you plunge head first. And by contrast, if he doesn't feel the same way, then it's probably not worth the trouble. Good luck!
I don't think your mom takes what you said seriously.
I agree with xxthatsmexx@xanga, because what you do doesn't only effect you and this guy but the people around you. For some reason I think your jumping into conclusions, one, you don't know if this Greg guy has a thing for you, two this sounds like you have a crush on this guy. For all you know, this crush would end any time and you'll regret that you discussed this with your mom or Greg.
I say leave some time, see if you really like this guy instead of jumping into scenarios already. And don't put your head into things; first see if this Greg guy likes you back because you don't want to get all crazed about him then know he's total not into you. From the look of this, it seems like your mom isn't taking what you mean seriously. She probably thinks your joking, and is taking what you say lightly.
drag greg out back and givehim a nice friendly handshake in his pants. you'd win for sure. ;o3
I thought the catch was that he was 11 years older than you, haha. But yeah, that's a tough one. You can't be sure that this guy even likes you back, so I dunno. You can crush from afar but it doesn't seem like you can really do much about it.
The issue is that it could get really messy if things go badly
And honestly, things go badly really easily and really unpredictably
Also because his family is connected to your family from your mom and her boyfriend, it makes it more complicated, and if things between one relationship go bad, it'll hurt the other one too
I would just wait, unless your feelings get very serious and you knew it.
If it's just a crush, then don't even bother. It's only worth it if it's something serious and meaningful. To both of you.
Don't do anything that you will regret. If you doubt it already, LEAVE IT BE! PLUS, one who is 30 yrs of age won't last long with a 19 yr old. You'll just hurt in the end if you get rejected. Let him be eye candy to you and have the friendship relationship so it wouldn't be awkward. just a thought for you to think about.
Hey! (:
I agree with most of these people, wait it out for a while, other wise you will end up being hurt in the end.
But, the guy I'm really interested in is 10 years my senior. We have gone out on many dates, but I refuse to get serious with him just yet. I mean, relationships in general are hard... Let alone with a guy who is so much older.
You can be mature all you want and think your "ahead of the game" But, I promise you- once you get to know this guy more... You will see, you two- are on two different pages of life.
I'm not saying it's a damned relationship and it will never work out, but you want to watch your step with this one. (:
Good luck, keep me posted!
I've always had a crush on my high school's band director. But now that I'm graduated and he's recently divorced, I wonder how to approach him. I think I would pull him aside and say, "So I think you're amazing, I always have. Can I get to know you better over dinner?" Then again I'm a wimp, so we'll see if this ever happens...
If it's just a crush, you'll get over it. Personally I wouldn't get involved, I think it would be too awkward and all for something that doesn't sound the least bit serious.
oh boy. that's a tough one. I personally can't seem to crush on a guy older than 24 unless he's this celebrity superstar, then it's kind of a "he's cute :] but totally out of my league" kind of thing.
Best of luck to you :)
Hey There!
I'm only 14 but I'll give you a tip : It's natural for girls like you to like like someone but I don't even think it's proper for girls to tell the guy about their feelings. Just keep it to yourself & who knows :> he'll probably like you back 
. That already has happened to me
for now, just let time pass by. if you really think this is a SERIOUS liking and not just a "omg he's cute" kind of infatuation then talk to your mom first and see what she thinks. because it seems like your mom didn't think you were being too serious.
Well, I am sorry if this sounds discouraging, but you should leave things to fate.
until you think that everything's serious then let it go
The fact that he is your mom's boyfriend's cousin doesn't bother me. I can live with that. It's worse if he was your mom's boyfriend's brother or something! Yeah it's only a crush, so don't jump to conclusions. If anything beyound crushing develops then hopefully things will go right.
I have a crush on a guy nearly twice my age and it is just my silly crush and nothing more. I like the butterflies in my stomach feeling whenever I have a crush on someone and I don't act on them because I don't want that feeling to fade. maybe just leave it as a crush and hope it fades. if after a very long while, you still think of him, then try to talk to him.
It depends on how well you know Greg - maybe you can get to know him and if you too have a lot in common, become friends. But don't jump into things too quickly. Besides, if Greg is 30, he might already have someone, whether it's serious or not.
If you feel butterflies, I think it'll go away sooner or later. Do you imagine yourself marrying this person? Is it worth a quick relationship and messy breakup?
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - Well said! :)
You might also wanna consider the repercussions of a break up.. 'cause that might cause things to get sticky between your mother & her boyfriend & you might not want that....
The eProps are for thinking it thru.
I personally have a duel view of this:
1. If you REALLY believe that this person is someone that you are willing to be with forever, to give everything up for, then be honest with the guy. Greg might very well be willing to spend the rest of his ( at this point 20 year shorter than yours by statistics - you'd be a widow if you DID 'make it' to the end) life with you.
2. If he's not THAT important go with everyone else telling you to just let things ride. If he's not important enough to destroy every other relationship you have to get him, then he's not important enough. I don't encourage emotionally destroying everyone around you, but if it's not that important, it's not really love.
I know personally three relationships that are roughly 10 years apart in the ages of their partners.
One is a Pastor and his wife. Long term Christian love.
One is a buddy's parents - they married just before he went to Nam. She was 16, he was about 10 years older.
First love that lasts. How often do you hear of that?
The third... now who was it? I had it for a minute...
Oh, yeah.
My honorary Aunt and her now-deceased husband. They were always arguing, but never willing to be apart for very long. A very love/hate relationship. lol!
The thing you have to admit is that at the best, it would be SUPER-hard to deal with a person who lived and intimately remembers a decade you likely can't even get the feel for out of books and movies. He has territory that you never traveled, and he has what should seem to you as a medical condition that will kill him 20 years before you can expect to die. Men die about 7 years younger than women born the same time, and lifespan is gradually lengthening, so... he will likely be gone when being alone is even worse than being lonely now.
Is he worth that to you?
(I've been thinking about this, as some of my friends' relationships are about that big a jump, and two of the women I thought about being long term were about that big a gap from me. It's almost depressing, is it not? But love's NOT easy. It's a chore. It's pain. It's something worthwhile and wonderful in between, and maybe the more so because of, the pain and the work.)
May God direct, keep, and bless you and yours, and give you the godly desires of your heart,
forget bout it..
You already say that you can't have a crush on him, you two can't be together. So why would you bring that up to him? Why would you talk to him about that? If it can't go anywhere, there's no point in talking about it. All you can do is get over it.