If The Relationship Wasn't Serious, What Was It?

Sunday, 19 April 2009

If The Relationship Wasn't Serious, What Was It?
Sometimes it bothers me when people say "I've only had two serious relationships in my life" or "I've only had ONE serious relationship in my life"...what does that mean?
I'm not trying to belittle anyone who says that; really, I'm not. But I don't understand what you're really trying to say.
If you were serious, why are you not with him or her now? All those "not serious" relationships and your "serious" relationships - the result is the same. You're here and he or she is there.
Maybe most people mean that they were contemplating marriage with that person, although that doesn't seem to be a requirement for a "serious relationship". There are many people who don't marry and live together and count themselves as being serious.
I just think that it's a bit exasperating to hear someone say that they've only had two serious relationships when they've been with about twenty guys. Does that mean that those other 18 relationships were nothing? Just a play period? Did the other person know that you weren't serious? Were you just "fooling around" with him or her? If you were just "fooling around," does that really constitute a relationship?
Any suggestio ns?

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I agree to this post, i don't really understand the concept on non serious relationship. But let's just take a guess. I think the older you get the more serious and mature the relationship becomes. So i guess my relationship with my first bf at age 15 wasn't serious because now i understand more about love then when i was younger. Thats just my educated guess.
- 4/19/2009 1:10 AM
- Whiskers (message)
- reply
Well I'm young, only 17, yet I've dated around 10 people.. out of those 10 I've only had one seriously relationship, which is my current one of two years and two months.. so, IDK lol.. no help, I know :(
- 4/19/2009 1:11 AM
- tRUthbOXXXX@xanga (message)
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@tRUthbOXXXX@xanga - And by date I mean like a one month thing..
- 4/19/2009 1:12 AM
- tRUthbOXXXX@xanga (message)
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very exasperating indeed. that owl is very serious. I like these datingish pics. heh.
- 4/19/2009 1:13 AM
- alice
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Just two people passing the time until someone better comes along?

Just a thought.
- 4/19/2009 1:14 AM
- LampShade7@xanga (message)
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I think you can call upon a serious relationship depending on how you feel or what you want it to be. I can say that I've been in many relationships. And some I loved and some I just liked whether it was a short term or long term relationship. If it wasn't a serious relationship I would probably consider it just say it would be lust and someone you were interested in but didn't work out like you thought it would. I don't think you have to be married to have a serious relationship. I guess it all depends on the person not everyone thinks alike or have the same point of view.
- 4/19/2009 1:15 AM
- xtine015@xanga (message)
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Well, "serious relationships" to me means that it's exclusive and last more than a few months. Not every date will result in a serious relationship. Some guys don't last beyond the first date.
- 4/19/2009 1:15 AM
- ScorpioInBlack@xanga (message)
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I'd say the answer to most of those questions is: yes. Serious relationships are usually have one person regarding the other with a respect that can only be given when there seems to be a feasible, pleasant future in store. Relationships can be serious without having to last forever; that's not what "serious" means. People can change, which will certainly affect a relationship. People can realize that their significant other is really a bad match. There are plenty of reasons why serious relationships can end, but that doesn't mean they weren't serious.
Whew. So many "serious"es in that paragraph. Feel free to replace some of them with a synonym =]. Haha.
- 4/19/2009 1:27 AM
- xxthatsmexx@xanga (message)
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1,000 eProps!

some mistake "successful" as "serious"
some mistake " sweet after taste" as "serious"
some mistake "profitable" as "serious"
some mistake " gaining influence" as "serious"
and so on....................
I rarely find one who see "serious" as "serious"
well done!
- 4/19/2009 1:33 AM
- marshal_marshal@xanga (message)
- reply
Considering the majority of people seem to say "I've only been in x amount of serious relationships." I'd like to suggest that you get past the exasperation, you'll be hearing it all your life.
I call a relationship that actually has potential a serious relationship. I've only been in one serious relationship, and that's the one that I'm in now.
Here's the deal: You don't start a relationship in serious mode. When two people go out on their first date, they aren't serious yet - unless they were best friends or something beforehand, which isn't always the case at all. When someone first starts dating, their relationship isn't really all that serious yet.
So, what if they don't go past that beginning phase? What if they break up a month after they begin going out? What if they don't get to date number two, or three? Would you call their short lived relationship "serious"? Nope, you wouldn't, because it wasn't.
No, a serious relationship doesn't have to have marriage at the end; it has to have potential. When two people are just beginning to date one another, they haven't had the adequate amount of time to judge whether the relationship has potential or not. If they break up before a certain time period (I'd say at least three months) I'd say it's safe to say that their relationship did not reach the serious point.
- 4/19/2009 1:33 AM
- pillowpixies@xanga (message)
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I think it's the relationship

where you put the most effort, heart, time into it.
- 4/19/2009 2:07 AM
- immaairheadxl@xanga (message)
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@xxthatsmexx@xanga - @pillowpixies@xanga - @immaairheadxl@xanga - All I can say is I agree with all of your comments. I've nothing to add to them.
- 4/19/2009 2:12 AM
- Southeast_Beauty@xanga (message)
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@pillowpixies@xanga - Very well said.
- 4/19/2009 2:32 AM
- t_zie@xanga (message)
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A relationship gets "serious" after it reaches an indefinate "point."

People set this bar, unique to them, for what that 'point' is. The point could be when you become exclusive, or when you have sex, or when you move in together, or when you discuss marraige. Those tend to be the bigger ones.

If a relationship doesn't last long enough to meet the bar, reach that point, the relationship never made it to a "serious" level.

But that's a terrible word for it.
- 4/19/2009 2:55 AM
- Sezwick@xanga (message)
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Date cause its fun, or it just doesn't last/workout
- 4/19/2009 3:32 AM
- bella_fortuna86@xanga (message)
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Comment ~
- 4/19/2009 4:43 AM
- StepHyKu2517___v3v@xanga (message)
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Hmmm, well, I call it a serious relationship if we date for a long period of time. Like, I've had some boyfriends that I saw for about a week, I don't consider them serious because we never had a chance to even get into the relationship.
I use serious to mean that we've been together for a long period of time and we were exclusive.
- 4/19/2009 5:26 AM
- LupusInvictus@xanga (message)
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In MY opinion, it depends on the person. But as I see it in MY eyes, it's when they have reached that point in love, in which there are no boundaries. They love eachother with the same passion, heat, and intensity. That's just what I think, though.
- 4/19/2009 8:21 AM
- StrawberriesMimi@xanga (message)
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I agree with some of the above replies. If it's exclusive and more than a few months, it's serious. The potential thing would be included in that as well.
- 4/19/2009 8:28 AM
- Fluxuater@xanga (message)
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Serious means you've been pretty exclusive for a while and the idea of marriage isn't scary or weird.
If it's not serious you could probably consider it casual.
- 4/19/2009 9:33 AM
- MangoWOW@xanga (message)
- reply
serious relationship to me means a higher maturity level, doing more things together...like going on trips together, more intimacy, more communication, and planning for the future together...
- 4/19/2009 9:37 AM
- sarahflorida1085@xanga (message)
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難以言喻。
- 4/19/2009 10:10 AM
- l0vekathy0_0@xanga (message)
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@immaairheadxl@xanga - Yep. I don't know what else to add to that lol.
- 4/19/2009 11:12 AM
- mywordsx@xanga (message)
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There are several different ways to tell if it's serious or not, and each persons ideas on which of these apply is different.
1) Length of time in a relationship, obviously the longer the more serious2) How intimate you were with said person3) If you loved them4) If you lived with them5) If you spoke of marriage/were engaged
Those are just a few that I can think of, and I've only had one serious boyfriend--oddly I don't count the guy I was engaged to because he moved WAY too fast for me. I freaked out and ran off, oops?
The serious one on the other hand was my boyfriend of four years on and off, I lost my virginity to him, we talked about getting married and living together although knew that both were a bad idea. I was also in love with him, and he loved me too--so I guess this is serious to me.
- 4/19/2009 12:38 PM
- thinkpinkpanther@xanga (message)
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I think that being "serious" is being together for a long amount of time.

Some relationships are on a mission to become serious (over time) but they end short because of someones issues.
- 4/19/2009 1:05 PM
- juliasays@xanga (message)
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