Saturday, 18 April 2009
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My BF Never Wants to Do Anything While We're Sober
I saw him today and wasn't feeling it physically - I mean, I usually do, but this time I was being distant and weird. He noticed, got mad at me and thought I didn't love him or something. But I do love him! I think it was just me.
I was grounded and not allowed to hang with my BF (we're long-distance), so I hadn't seen him in four weeks.
But anyway...our time together wasn't really good, and I was stressed out on the way home because of it. When I got home, he called me and said our relationship sucks, that I'm boring and that I never want to do anything (which is a lie - he never asks to go to anything!) when in truth, when he does want to do stuff, he wants to do drugs. I can't do that because I can't afford to get in trouble again or I won't ever be able to see him again.
I worry because he feels like he can't do something sober with me. I mean, we don't always have to be high. I don't know, he just kind of said he wants to do crazy stuff with me and that he likes getting in trouble. I was, like, where did that come from?! He already has a DUI for being high while driving and speeding. It's like he doesn't get that this is a problem.
I think he has a drug problem, but he says he just smokes pot and drinks sometimes...and recently told me he did E again. Ugh. I need help.
Any suggestions?
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Comments (88)
I have an idea! Dump or get him to quit drinking!
Idea: listen to dare2bdiferentt!
Stop doing drugs and get away from him, he is a really bad influence! You should be with someone who loves being in your company, not someone who says you are boring if you're not out getting high! This is crazy!
Drop him.
dump him and tell him exactly why
Drop.
True what everyone else said
Leave him. If you can't do anything without drugs then the relationship is a failure.
Just dump him, he's destroying you and your life.
Dump.
Have you seen The Basketball Diaries staring Leo DiCaprio? If you haven't, you should check it out because this relationship of yours sounds exactly what he went through in the movie and trust me, it wasn't pretty.
Personal opinion: I've heard of girlfriends joining their boyfriends' on their hobbies, but this is ridiculous. You don't need that shit from him. He either shapes up and quits (which I think is unlikely) or you should leave him (which I think is better). Good luck though.
you don't need a bad influence like that in your life...
DUMP HIS BUTT!
NOW.
what everyone said above. you can find another guy that would LOVE you, NOT make you do drugs, and still have fun :)
I concur with all the dumping posts.
This is totally weird. you deserve someone better.
freaky... as every other poster has listed - dump him.
your interests do not coincide with his and staying longer will only hurt you in the long run. Â There are other fish in the sea don't be afraid.
I am sure the same advice will be suggested through the comments selection...and they are good advices. Do your parents know about your bf? I am guessing not or else they would do more than just grounding...seriously, get out...it's only going to get worse.
@kristentsuii@xanga - well he's not making me..
but that is his definition of 'fun'. but he's really a sweet guy tho. i just dont know why that;s all he know how to do. or wants to.
@Trigger821@xanga - they know about everything. and they dont like him. [for other reasons besides just the introducing to drinking/drugs]. but they dont try to control my relationship or anytihng. i had a long convo with my mom about him and she said that he was problems and that i shouldnt put up with it or that i've tryed to get him to quit but he wont do it. he dossent know how to have sober fun.
but idk. i cant just leave him. im his only good influence. and idk . =[
I am tempted to buck the overwhelming trend and advise you to engage him in a rational discussion about your concerns.
But let's face it, that shit almost never works. The proverbial dumping, on the other hand, does work well. :)
@thinkin_up_dreams@xanga - he always tells 'me'. he wants to quit. and that even his parents have told him now that its getting to be a problem. but i think the thing is his parents dont give a shit what he does...he can go out and do anything he wants and can come home anytime he wants..where my parents are not like that at all. and he cant seem to get it. but i know he loves me because hes never cheated or anything.
he just dosent know how to have fun sober i guess. i sent him a message saying that and it totally flew over his head. i was like okayyy??
Um, wow. The only thing he consider fun is doing drugs and getting into trouble. Look at it this way, if you choose to stay with him, you're going to be expected to do the "fun" things he consider. Not only that, but where will both of you be in five years?
Stop doing illegal shit.
Find someone who is clean, and be clean yourself.
@SurveysThatTakeupUrBOREDUM@xanga - just because he hasn't cheated doesn't mean he loves you. But that's besides the point.
He's being a total douche. He doesn't seem to be able to create a personality or life outside of his high/drunken state.
Also, his parents are besides the point. How old are you guys? Unless you are 12 year olds with a drug problem (which I really dont think so) then he should be taking responsibility for himself. Don't make excuses for him. You came here looking for advice and all I see, straight down the comments, is you making excuse after excuse.