I was reading the ever entertaining Yahoo! Answers when I came across a conundrum that was worth discussing here. Here's
her question:
I put a question on my other account and my boyfriend saw it. I wrote that I wasn't attracted to him in the way that I don't get butterflies when I see him, which is true, but he took that to mean that I'm not attracted to him at all.
So I'm asking you guys, just because I don't get butterflies when I see him, does NOT mean that I'm not attracted to him or that I don't like him, does it?
I don't think not getting butterflies and attraction are mutually exclusive. Some people are more excitable than others and I think that feeling also has to do with nervousness when you're around someone more than attraction.
What do you think? If you're not getting butterflies, are you
doing it wrong?
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Comments (34)
i think butterflies often fade away the longer you get to know someone. it's like part of the newness of a relationship...
Not everyone has the same reaction when they see a person they're attracted to. It just so happens that getting butterflies is a common one for a lot of people.
Also, I don't feel that way around my boyfriend. I experience a feeling of warmth in my heart whenever I look at my boyfriend, not butterflies. I don't think not getting butterflies means that you aren't attracted to someone.
Ive wondered about this.
I think if you dont get the butterflies...you just dont get Excited as before. Excited still, but not excited as before.
I hate butterflies, it's better when I don't get them...which usually means that I know that I like him, and he likes me therefore the relationship is better anyways.
@ScarletMoth@xanga - Exactly, it's like a 'beginning of a relationship' kind of thing.
Also depends, have you ever gotten 'butterflies' for anyone?
@AnemicRoyalty64@xanga - i get butterflies just by LOOKING at cute guys, it seems :P
so i feel like I'm a bad source of info because personally, I always have them. But yeah, they tend to fade once I get comfortable with the person... if I had to describe what "butterflies" are for me, it's sort of... the expected element of surprise? Like not knowing exactly what you're getting but hoping it's something good... yeah.
I stopped getting butterflies after age 15.
No joke.
butterflies are just an emotion you get when you have met someone you are really attracted to or like for the second time...its also nerves because its new and you dont know you two will really interact and you worried about whether you can impress him etc etc.
I think the rationale that your bf has come up with is very immature. I mean after a while i dont think you should still get those butterflies unless the two of you have been seperated for a long period of time...It should feel comfortable. The way you are feeling is NORMAL. that is how it should be.
theres attraction of course and you like him and love being with him but no butterflies because theres not that worry or anxiousness to impress. you got him.
maybe he just needs some more reassuring.
I think you're safe w/ no butterflies. I mean you can be attracted to someone and not get the oooo feeling. so yea.
I've been with my husband for six years. Sometimes I get butterflies when I see him and sometimes I don't. I think you are OKAY with not having butterflies for someone. You're just not as excited and nervous as before when you two started dating and at that honeymoon stage.
I think it's completely unnecessary to feel "butterflies." I'm not even sure if I've ever had them before, and if I did, it was because of the infatuation I had for my second boyfriend, whom I dated for 3 weeks until he dumped me for his ex-girlfriend, with whom he was cheating on me.
However, I dated my first boyfriend for about 2.5 years. We started out as best friends who were completely platonic, and I've never felt butterflies around him. One day I ignored him more than I ever did, and he was so upset by it that he realized that he wanted me, more than as a best friend, and he asked me to be his girlfriend. We were pretty much in love with each other by the end of our "best friend" period, we just never realized it, so there wasn't some nervous awkward butterfly stage in our relationship.
But...basically, if I'm just so comfortable being myself around a guy I like/love, I won't feel butterflies. I was really confused by the term even after my first long relationship, but I think my shallow pointless second relationship taught me what "butterflies" were..
I agree that the butterflies are just from nerves, especially because I get butterflies whenever I am a combination of nervous and excited---before a trip, before the first day of class, etc. I actually prefer guys that don't give me butterflies because I know that it means I am more comfortable around them.
Butterflies are present usually if you're infatuated or in love with someone. Maybe your relationship isn't based on instant chemistry but it could be founded on more sensible things like compatibility.
At the beginning of a relationship, "butterflies" are common, I think. They don't always have to be indicative of a healthy relationship, though. And sometimes, people just get so comfortable with one another that the "butterflies" disappear. It's not a big deal unless the couple makes it a big deal. There are other ways of being attracted to someone without needing to feel the excitement bubble up every meeting.
No. I honestly think you may be doing it right.
I think that not getting butterflies when you see someone you like not only implies that you are comfortable around them,
but that you still like them without that kind of excitement.
Really you just have to pay attention to what your brain is saying about how attractive you think a person is, and not just certain emotional reactions.
No.
I wonder when was the last time I got "butterflies"... probably a decade ago.
I guess... or hope, that not getting butterflies is just a sign that you've grown and matured enough to be in relative control of your emotions... Hopefully, or it's just that you're so jaded it doesn't really matter anymore.
Although, for the first time is a long time,  a month ago, my heart skipped a beat when I saw someone!
sometimes i get scared because of this, but i come to realize that the butterflies are there more often in the beginning.plus butterflies and liking someone shouldn't be associated
you get butterflies....when you eat caterpillars. :D
but seriously, I think this is kind of silly. Why does it matter if you get butterflies or not? If youre attracted to the person.. then you're attracted him. if you're not, you're not.
Butterflies usually occur at the beginning of the relationship when you're wondering "does he like me?" and the whole just starting out phase. After time, it does fade away.
I feel very comfortable with my boyfriend. And if I don't see him for awhile, I get excited at the prospect of seeing him. The butterflies come and go, but it does not signify that you're not attracted to somebody.
Butterflies were strong in me for the first 6-12 months of our relationship. Frankly, I hated it, because I felt like my emotions were in control of me! I'm an emotional person anyway, so I put a lot of effort into thinking with my head as well.
We've been together almost 2.5 years now, and married for 8 months (hah, maybe the thinking with the head failed after all? Just kidding, he's the perfect keeper), and I finally feel in control of myself.
The butterflies still come and go sometimes; like when he buys me flowers, or takes me to a surprise dinner, or gives me a complement I wasn't expecting...
On a day-to-day basis, I feel more of a steady attachment to him. And that's perfect for me.
We had an 8 month distance-relationship when he was in the states andd I was studying in Europe, and that was rEALLY hard. To anyone in a distance relationship: a webcam is a must. It really makes things so much easier when you can SEE and INTERACT with that person.
When you're far apart for long amounts of time, feelings will dull a little. Humans are imperfect: it's impossible to remember exactly how you loved him/her, or how they were, or what made you exactly feel that way.
It's OK. Just see him again (even if just with a webcam)! Remind yourself why you love him. :)
No way. I love my girlfriend and she is hot as hell, but I never get a boner when I see her. It's just perverted and stupid.
I still get butterflies everytime I see the guy I like. And I've known him for 4 years.
Not getting butterflies doesn't mean you don't love him
I guess that just means that you're used to seeing him now, so you don't get that nervous/butterfly/about to explode kind of feeling
I still get butterflies, but that's because I'm, by default, a nervous person.