Friday, 17 April 2009
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You Vs. Your SO: Doing CPR on Your Relationship
So the boyf and I were on shaky ground since the beginning of this week - like "ok, see ya later, good luck with everything" shaky - but we made up last night. It's gonna be something we both have to work on together to try and make things normal again, but we're going to be okay.
Have you had to resuscitate your relationship with this particular BF/GF? Who pushed harder to make things work?
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Comments (24)
Yeh & we both did, things just didn't work out the way we wanted it to...
Wow how scary is this. This describes EXACTLY what happened with my SO and I this week. We were on really shaky grounds this whole week. Almost broke up a couple of times. But, we always found a reason to stay together and we did. We're good now. We always fight about stupid shit but it just makes your relationship stronger. There's always goin to be a type where you have to do CPR to revitalize the relationship though. People get bored and such. idk what i'm saying.
Same here...this week has been HARD. Dealing with living or not living together, stupid fights, distance... but I think it's actually been him trying hardest to keep us together.Â
He's great...hahaWe both work pretty hard to keep it going. But, he's done more, I'd say.
we both pull the same amount of length.
I'm doing some CPR on my relationship right now...Its absolutely draining me out.
Wow, sounds like I am not the only one who feels like this week has been exceptionally hard relationship wise.
My fiance and I have been extremely off this week and neither of us knows what happens, both of us are trying really hard to get back to some semblance of normalcy. I'm hoping we can make it there.
@chPanda@xanga - me too. Im constantly worrying about what I should do. I mean things are good but than he says they suck. well here's what happened.....
I havent seen my bf in 4 weeks..[i was grounded].
[and in a long-distance relationship]
and i recently saw him today and i wasn't feeling it...like physically...i mean i usually do. but this time i was being distant and weird. and he noticed and got mad at me and thought i didnt love him or something.
but I DO LOVE HIM. i think it was me. but anyway...our time together wasnt really good. and i was so stressed out on the way home. and i finally got home and oddly he called me. he told me our relationship sucks and that 'im boring', and that i never want to do anything [which is a lie] he never asks to go to anything! and when he does want to do stuff he wants to do drugs. which i cant really do because i cant get introuble again or i wont be able to ever see him again.
i mean why cant he do something sober with me? i mean we dont always have to be high. idk. he just kinda said he wants to do crazy stuff with me and he likes "getting in trouble". i was like wth? where did that come from.? and he already got a DUI for being high while driving and speeding. i mean wth dude? its like he dosent get it.?
i think he has a drug problem. but he just smokes pot and drinks sometimes..and recently told me he did E again. ugh. idk. i need help.
any suggestions?
I think we both work pretty hard. In the beginning, he liked me more so he put a lot of effort. And now ... I think I do. But it's not that he doesn't care. My boyfriend's way of dealing with problems is to sleep it off, whereas I like to talk about it until we get through it. So ... I make him talk about it until it's better.
For a lot of reasons my guy and I have an uphill battle if we want to make our relationship work. He does much more work on us than I do. I have so many doubts and he never doubts at all. I'm never quite sure we are doing the right thing but he is always absolutely sure of us.
@chPanda@xanga - Ditto.
he works pretty hard and i beg lol
My bf and I are going through some tough times lately. Things have been really hard for a while, and most of it is my fault because I am very selfish.
He is definately the one trying hard to keep us together. I seem to be as dense as a brick wall because I just keep making the same damn mistake every single time. I don't know why I am not trying harder. I mean, I am trying. I do want to stay with him...I can't imagine life without him there.
We have extra strain because he is on workers comp due to a severe back injury (herniated discs), so he is depressed and hurting and we can't do all the things we used to. It is really really hard. I can only take sitting on the couch watching TV everyday for so long. So now I have been trying to find other things to do...and of course I have been hanging out with a guy friend, which he isn't thrilled with cause it cuts into the time we usually spend together.
I dunno, it's just really tough and fustrating. I hope things improve soon.
@jeepgirl0385@xanga - I have herniated discs too - point out to him that there are exercises he CAN and SHOULD do to fix his back. It's not a permanent thing! He needs to move around if he can, otherwise the muscles will break down and it'll get worse. If he can't move around, he should keep stretching: Ask your doctor about the Mckenzie method for back problems.
http://www.spine-health.com/wellness/exercise/
what-mckenzie-method-back-pain-and-neck-pain
His back pain doesn't have to be the end of your relationship.
oh yea definitely. that's all part of relationships. it can't work without some sort of resuscitation.
@the_hidden_angel@revelife -
Yeah, he is in therapy and all....right now he is awaiting results from an MRI so the docs can decide about whether or not to do surgery. He wants to get back to work.
@SurveysThatTakeupUrBOREDUM@xanga - It sounds like you have your head on straight and he doesn't. If that was my boyfriend I would lose him.
I'm always the one who has to do the CPR. But now that I've done it enough times, I know this: Until the other person starts working just as hard as you, you're wasting your time. If they never start working back, end it and move on.
WOW. reading this post and all these comments just made me feel so much less alone! i wish my (ex?)bf could read some of them. I am his first girlfriend and I think he just doesn't fucking realize that everything is not always fucking perfect and the feeling you have during the first month of a relationship doesn't last forever for anyone but if you care about someone enough it just might be worth it to stay with them through the hard parts. ugh. we broke up thursday night in the middle of the night when we were both kind of drunk... and just... ugh.
basically, I didn't even know you COULD do relationship CPR at this point but you guys have given me hope. I mean, his roommate/coworker/hetero-lifemate didn't see it coming, thinks it was a snap decision, and wants me to talk to him again, so that's a good sign, right?
wow how much did last week suck? i think ive been trying to resuscitate something that''s been dead a while...so we broke up...
yep, kinda workin on that now actually. It's rough, but I don't doubt we'll be fine. Just wonder how many rounds of chest compressions and breaths of life giving air it will take.
Every relationship I've ever been in has gone through times like this.
My first relationship got to a point where I wasn't phased by conversations like that. He was definately pushing harder than I was.
My second relationship was where I actually fell in love. And since it was a long distance relationship, we were constantly running into problems. I was always the one trying to push us through.
My current relationship is fantastic, but like any normal relationship we've got our rought patches to push through. Unlike the first two, it's an equal effort. :)
I'd say we're both pulling the same amount. I have quite a lot of issues to work through on myself, as I have self issues. Slowly I am starting to accept myself and I am confident he still loves and supports me. And I do the same for him. I need to stop being so insecure. Aside from that, the whole LDR thing, and trying to get a job near him so we can start living together.