Friday, 17 April 2009

• I Used To Think That Girls Had No Feelings - Response Blog

  No, not really. But I did to a point sympathize in a man's version. Growing up, I used to be good at understanding love, but often wondered if women know about love, or if they were just going through the motions. In other words, I feel bad for subtly blowing up at the last one, because I went through that kind of thing, too. But unfortunately, I didn't start out thinking they had no feelings. The idea rather grew on me.

  The following will make me seem like both a martyr and a broken record, because I told this story way too many times before, but it bears repeating for this very situation. And this is actually the perfect portal to stop.

  If you are me, you know exactly what your ex did to you, and for that you start to believe that girls are no more sensitive to you. It started with my mom. My mom and dad are married, and together they cook dinner, take care of things, and I have never heard either of them tell each other that they love each other. I've seen my dad hold my mom, but that was only once. The whole time, my dad sort of kept to himself, and mom was the high strung worrywart/timebomb in the family. After that, my wish was to never have a girlfriend, because relationships to me seem so vapid; it was like a game to me.

  The first girlfriend I ever had didn't know a thing about what she was doing in my book. She asked me out the first day she met me, had a girlfriend actually tell me how to date her, and paraded me in front of the class. I knew when to peel away, and I did. She, then, tried her hand with another guy. Meanwhile, all of the women that i liked, I was the one who asked some out, and in response I was turned down every time.

  Afterward, I had a girlfriend who (in the scheme of give and take) used to always have plans like going to the prom, or Valentine's Day, and the last thing I wanted was a typical relationship. Not to mention the one was long distance. Once I brought up breaking up once, she blew up at me. Second time, she cried like hell. Third time, she tried to guilt trip me into staying. Fourth time, she had an "epiphany" about how she was a bully to me. Meanwhile, every time she broke up with me, she cared less about how I felt about her and what I did for her. THIS kickstarted my idea that women seemed vapid when it came to feelings of love, from more moments of getting turned down to being in a relationship with a girl who didn't know dick about relationships in the first place. She was the type who broke up with you, or cheated on you, before you did with them...with any guy who claimed to like her.

  Time went by, and I started to think about trying out men or transgendered women, because I was sick of being lonely, and sick of being in this situation with women. And the next girl asked me out before she knew me, and she didn't take no for an answer either. But she would always talk about being near her exes "like a friend," but she claimed to still love me when I attempted to break up with her. I finally got out of the relationship when she said she had an eye for someone else, and turned down her offer to be my girlfriend again.

  Each time I was asked out, and I poured out my heart, sometimes, I wonder if women even knew what they were doing with me, or what love was. It was like the more I saw a relationship, the more I had to lament that these girls that I knew didn't have a clue about knowing whether someone really loved them or knowing how to handle their own relationships. Remember those who complain a lot about crap, and then say "but I love him" when their only option was to break up? So, that is how I got into feeling like women were just going through the motions. And if it weren't for my current girlfriend, I would have abandoned my straight edge card and became a manwhore instead. (Yeah, right. If I can't even get a date by being straight up and confident, how am I going to get anyone to have sex with me?)

  That is, if it weren't for my current girlfriend. The one I have is a wonderful woman who has been hurt, and knows what she likes in love. Her love seemed more sincere than any of my other ex-girlfriends, but every time I meet a woman like that, I was seconds away from turning into Daryl Palumbo.

  Men, have you been through this type of thing before? And am I crazy for having sympathized with the growing idea that some women didn't know what love was, or probably lacked the feelings to detect when a man actually loves them? 

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