Friday, 17 April 2009
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What's Being Disrespectful While Dating?
My boyfriend and I have only been dating for a month. We've been getting along well and he has been the perfect gentleman so far. The other day, we went on a double date with a couple of my friends (who happen to be engaged).We went out to eat and then stopped at Barnes & Noble to get some coffee and hang out. I was looking at this book about photographers who had worked for Life Magazine and the work they had done, when I happened across a picture of a naked woman. I completely understand that this is art and I have nothing against the picture, but when I went to turn the page, my boyfriend tried to stop me.
My friend (jokingly) asked her fianc é if he wanted to see the picture and he said, "No, because that is disrespectful," to which my boyfriend replied, "That's not disrespectful, I'm being respectful by just looking and not doing anything else".
I was a little upset, to say the least. I understand that we are not exactly the epitome of the serious relationship, but do I have a right to be angry? And where do you draw the line between what is disrespectful and what is not?
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- From: o1CaRaMeL10@xanga
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Comments (39)
I really think it all depends on what kind of person you are.
I happen to fancy the human body so I wouldn't even feel mad because I probably would have spent just as much time looking as he did.
If you think it's disrespectful, maybe you should talk to him about it?
It's a matter of subjectivity. It's up to the couple and the people in the relationship to figure out; there's nothing that we can say on here.
Mind you, I think that the fiance in this story was sucking up just a bit. Get him on his own, and I wonder what he would REALLY say...
wut
@cmdr_keen@xanga - TOTALLY AGREE
I still don't understand how some people find looking at the human body "disrespectful." That's like saying that any time you look at someone else or catch sight of yourself in the mirror, you're effectively "disrespecting" the individual. Let's not even get into how much self hate you'd be rolling in if you happened to glance at yourself naked...
Seriously, the human body is an object, just like an orange or a coffeepot. Objects don't take offense at being looked at. Just think how foolish you'd look if you suddenly started taking offense at looking at certain objects, such as the aforementioned ones. Then again, I'm an art major that loves drawing naked bodies all day long, so I'm slightly biased.
In any case, I think the fiance was just being a prick because he could. I don't think your boyfriend intentionally meant any disrespect by looking at the picture or saying what he said. If you somehow feel genuinely disrespected by the whole situation, bring it up with him instead of complaining about it on the internet.
Sidenote - I do think it was uncalled for him to imply that if he was alone, he would have probably "done something" as a direct cause of that picture. Not exactly disrespectful, but definitely a TMI type comment.
Sounds like he is at least controlling his actions with is good, and there is nothing wrong with looking at that form of art so the fiance may have been simply trying to show that he is not interested in anyone else. Where as your boyfriend may have been making a point that he will not act out against you. Both men are on different levels with thier women so it is only natural that they would respond differently to this situation in light of their relationship status.
I don't know if that made anysense. I am sorry.
Boys will be boys? He mighta just been joking. If not....well....whatever....
If you really have an issue with it, you can take it up with him I guess, but in my opinion it's making mountains out of molehills.
As for in a relationship, what's 'disrespectful' and what's appropriate' and everything has to do more with the people and relationship itself. Although there are some basic rules of manners and everything, it ultimately comes down to the people themselves.
@cmdr_keen@xanga - haha...good point :)
It depends on the people and the relationship. In some relationships, the woman doesn't like the man looking at other naked women, even just in pictures. In other relationships, they watch adult movies together. It really depends on their preferences and what they agree on.
If he was staring at the picture and drooling, I'd say that's kind of rude. The way he responded to the other guy makes it seem like he's got his mind set on whether it's rude or not, and like he didn't take how you felt about it into consideration.
Looking at the picture wasn't rude in my opinion, but his response was rude. Just the way he worded it, it sounded so careless. That depends on his personality though. I'm just talking in general terms.
In my opinion, sure, you have a right to be upset. Everyone has a right to be upset. However: Is it worth it? He was looking at a picture of a naked woman, nothing more. Is it really worth holding anger for? I mean really, in the long term of things, that's something pretty small and meaningless. If I were you I'd just chill out. It's not worth being angry over, because it's not that big of a deal.
Well, on the bright side at least he didn't really do anything embarrassing like making unwelcome comments to it or staring at it intently/creepily.
If you give me a magazine and I happen to see a naked man or woman on there, I'll look at it too. Same goes for my husband. When did looking at a naked person becomes disrespectful? The human body is a beautiful piece of art. Everyone should enjoy it.
I don't think it is disrespectful to look at a photograph of a naked woman as a piece of art. However, it doesn't seem like he was looking at this picture as a piece of art and rather as a raunchy and sexual picture. The fact that he did it in front of you so blatantly is a little odd. I wouldn't get too mad at him, but I would ask him to control himself a little bit. He could've casually looked at the picture and just moved on after you flipped the page. I don't think there was a need to look at the picture for an elongated amount of time when he was clearly not interested for its artistic purposes.
my god this is nothing, u shouldnt even have a second thought about it..
I really don't think this is anything to think twice about. None of the guys I've dated would care at all if they asked if I wanted to see a picture of a naked man they saw and I said sure. A lot of times they'll wonder after I looked at it if I liked the guy's body, face, etc. and ask for my opinion.
But seriously this is the 21st century, don't expect guys to think it's disrespectful to glance at a picture of a naked woman, especially when their partner shows them the picture. If you want one who finds it horrendous to do so, you might have to go searching in the "tight-ass religious men" group..
no offense... but you need to grow up. Sure... it kind of stings a little when a guy you are dating wants to see a picture of a naked girl... but you got to know how guys are.
so to answer your question... no, you should not be angry. You should just laugh or shrug it off if he does something like that... but if it really makes you feel THAT BAD than you should try talking to him about it... but you might come across as the really jealous type... especially if you haven't been seeing him for that long.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga - "Seriously, the human body is an object, just like an orange or a coffeepot. Objects don't take offense at being looked at. Just think how foolish you'd look if you suddenly started taking offense at looking at certain objects"...
...men (and women) dont have sex and share their love with oranges or a coffeepot though. Can't really compare a male and female body to an orange.
@ayceeeeeer@xanga - I wasn't comparing sex and love though. I was comparing objects, which the human body, oranges, and coffeepots all are.
If it was an ARTISTIC photo (i.e. not porn-like), I would look at it myself. If it was porn, then I wouldn't, and I wouldn't want my beau to look at it himself.
I think the fiance's response was just too perfect, but I don't know how long they've been together. I don't know if I would have been mad, but it would have bothered me. Something to talk about with him for sure.
i guess but the human body comes along with sex and love, its more intimate than just an object. definitely in this case I get what you mean though, it was a photo so I'm assuming it was more art than porn-like; in which case it probably wasnt ment to be connected to either of those.
@nbdyzangel@xanga - yeaaah, exactly!
I don't think that's disrespectful. My idea would be when you're out on a date and the guy answers his phone everytime it rings, when he knows it's just his friends. I hate that.
Totally depends on what you deem disrespectful. If it offends you, then it's disrespectful to you.
you can't tell me you've never seen a hott guy (naked or not) and been like "whoa" and gave him a second look.
it doesnt mean anything too look at a magazine cover of some photoshoped chick.
we have to stop these double standards. you know you do it too so dont get so upset when he does it!
I would be disrespected.. in fact my ex.. was always doing stuff like that.. or telling me some other girl thought he looked good this way or that way or such.... me.. I always felt like.. I was not good enough...