Miss Ostrich My suitemate Heather (she has her own bedroom, but she shares my bathroom in our dorm) was hospitalized a few days ago because of a blood clot in her leg. She stayed overnight, so a bunch of people visited her, including her two best friends, my roommate, and a handful of other close friends. One person was very clearly missing, however: her friends-with-benefits/f*** buddy Mark.
Heather and Mark have been friends since they started college, and it took almost two years for the obvious sexual tension between them to finally come to a head thanks to a night of alcohol and loose inhibitions. Since then, that night (minus the alcohol...usually) has been repeated a few times, but no promises have been made. Despite this, Heather is angry and feels he should have visited her because of their current status. From what I've heard, he's claimed that his homework was more important to him than a trip to the hospital.
I'm torn between both sides. Part of me believes that he should have visited her, not only because of what's been going on lately, but because they've been close friends for years before getting intimate. If her other friends could make time, why couldn't he? The other part of me thinks maybe he really did have a lot of work that needed to be finished. Plus, since they're not dating, he's not required too do anything a boyfriend would be expected to do.
What are responsibilities or guidelines that a f*** buddy should follow? Should they be expected to act the same way as a boyfriend would in certain situations?
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Comments (71)
He's not her boyfriend, therefore he had no obligation to visit her unless they are/were close friends at some point.
A fuck buddy is a fuck buddy, otherwise they'd be a significant other.
Well, I think it'd be nice if he'd visit her in the hospital, considering he's having sex with her on what seems to be a regular basis.
I'd say that he had no obligation to go because they're just screwing around, but then you point out that they were good friends. So.
First off, I don't think a friend can be a f*** buddy. The whole purpose of a f**** buddy is sex without any sort of strings. Friendship is a type of relationship and therefore has strings.
A FRIEND should have visitted her. a F**** BUDDY should not have.
he's not her boyfriend, so I don't see anything wrong with it.
it would be dif. if they were exchaning "I love you's."
I agree with Lady Kelacy. If he's a friend, then he should've visited. If he's just a friend with benefits, he's not exactly obligated. But you did say they were close friends before they started hooking up, so it would have been very considerate of him to visit her, or even call her to see how she is doing and explain that he won't be able to visit because he is busy.
Fuck buddy means sex with NO STRINGS ATTACHED. So, the answer is there is no guildlines for a fuck buddy. A fuck buddy doesn't have to/need to act like a boyfriend in any situation. And his excuse, too much homework, trust me if the guy REALLY wanted to visit her he would make time. It is fucked up that he didn't visit her, but that is just how the whole "fuck buddy" system works.
Sure, he probably should've visited, if she means anything to him. However, being a one-night stay, it's a little more iffy. I'd say if her life wasn't in danger, it's not that big of a deal. But I'm sure it still hurts her, makes her feel she's insignificant in his eyes. She should talk it out with him.
as a friend it would have been nice, but fuck buddy really means no strings attached.
I think he should visit her. Find out when her leg will heal completely before he can physically get it on with her again, and in the mean time he can go be someone elses fb. That's the most he can do. haha. Okie kidding.
If there was an underlying friendship, then say goodbye to that and hopefully, no more F'n with him.
@Lady_Kelacy@xanga - well said. i completely agree.
This is why you don't make your friends your F-buddy. He obviously forgot the friend part. lol
somebody got the "system" right *lol*
@d0llh0use@xanga - Thanks.
@AnonymousBlonde@xanga -
wonderful comment!
it depends if they were friends before they became F-buddies.
Close friends have certain obligations. "Friends with benefits" could also have obligations, depending on whether they prioritize the "friends" or the "benefits" [which is where it's different from a one night stand, which is purely about sex]. Just because you're having sex with someone, doesn't mean you can't also be friends with them. Lots of intimate relationships begin as friendships. It's for the individuals in the friendship to define their expectations and boundaries. It's these expectations and boundaries that define what the relationship actually is - it is not the label that defines the relationship.
The author did note "they've been close friends for years before getting intimate." That to me suggests that their friendship is what is [or should be] the priority, or at least Heather's disappointment in Mark's absence suggests that she perceives their friendship in that way. Mark's absence would suggest his priorities are the "benefits" above the friendship.
Even if he did have a lot of homework and couldn't go to the hospital, he could have phoned...if he really cared. His actions lead me to believe he doesn't care as much as Heather thought he did.
Hope Heather is doing well. It wasn't long ago I had a blood clot in my lung thanks to Nuvaring...so I know the feeling.
Sounds to me like hes a friend with benefits and not a f*ck buddy. Yes, they are different. lol. Anyhow as her friendwith benefits, I think the issue here is his lack of concern for her well being not that he didn't actually come by the hospital.
Hospitals have phones and since he knows her friends getting the number would not have been hard. He could have at least taken a five minute break from his hw to call her. If I were her he'd lose all benfits immediately.
@ErniesUrn@xanga - lol Shame on you.
he is her frienddd, he should visit.
@ErniesUrn@xanga - I was going to say something similar to this too... hahaha good way to put it.
@thats_not_my_name@xanga - Yes ..Shame on me ...just being practical!. :)
@madishka@xanga - :) Heh heh.
Well comming from someone with a f*** buddy, if he was ever hospitalized i'd be there in a heartbeat and he'd do the same for me.
They we're good friends you said, so homework or not he should of been there.