Thursday, 16 April 2009
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I Used to Think Boys Didn't Have Feelings
Sorry, boys; it's true. It's not that I thought guys were incapable of feeling romantically toward a girl, it's just that I never put much thought into it. I would see a couple together and, being one myself, I would find myself able to empathize with the girl, but it was as if my brain had difficulty comprehending the fact that the guy has feelings for her, too. I never really had any close guy friends, so there wasn't a boy in my life who would come talk to me about a girl he liked or whatever. Even when I was in a serious relationship a couple years ago, my first love, I still found it hard to believe that he felt anything for me. It wasn't that I thought he wasn't interested in me, just that I would have to remind myself that he did in fact, love me back.
It wasn't until about September of last year, when I met my now ex-boyfriend, that I began to realize guys feel about girls the same way girls feel about guys! At first, I couldn't believe I really meant anything to him. We dated for about a week at first, and I was really liking him already. But, being the awkward person I am, I felt unsure about our relationship and broke it off before it got anywhere.
That's when our roller coaster ride started. I had no idea the breakup would affect him so much, but apparently he was in the same state of extreme infatuation as I was before I ended it. A couple weeks later, he let me know how I'd hurt him. My brain understood for that one moment that I was speaking to him about it, but afterward, the thought drifted to the back of my head. Every once in a while, I would think, I hurt him, and I too would feel that hurt. I had made a guy feel like that? It didn't really make sense to me.
[Insert long, frustrating, half a year or so here]
Now, I've hurt him again. It was pretty unfathomable to me how we could be on and off like we were (maybe still are, I don't know; our most recent break-up was last week) for so long, and how he could keep coming back to me after I screwed up so many times. I'm the girl that guy bands write mean songs about, and even the guy that girls write sad songs about. I'm the one who hurts him, and yet still he stays. Why? It's taken me all of the six months of on and offness to figure it out.
He loves me. He's said it before, and I believed him, again in that moment, but I would have to remind myself of that fact later. But after receiving a much needed wake-up call through his hurtful words, I realized just how much I had hurt him over all this time... and it hurt me, too. Bad. I realized that the reason he keeps coming back is because he really does feel the way about me that he says he does. Boys DO have feelings!
Fascinating.
My friends look at me as if I've just grown a second head when I explain to them about this. Or laugh at me. But I can't be the only one in the world like that, right?
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- From: strawberrysurvsforever@xanga
- About Me: It's getting hard to be someone, but it all works out. It doesn't matter much to me.
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Comments (202)
Oh, sure, it's not like we're human too, or something. Of course we don't have feelings or emotions.
Hahah. I don't know, I'm sure you're not the only one to think this. I didn't used to think that boys would be just as nervous as I was on issues concerning/having to do with them, so I don't know. I underestimate how human boys are, too. Well, used to. Now I've got a boyfriend and he's shown me a lot about what guys are like. I do have a twin brother, although he's gay & very girly, so I'm not sure if he counts as a good example of what a guy is like :P
I never heard of someone before who didn't realize that guys also have feelings, but yes, we too have feelings.
What is this thing you call "feelings"? It's boggling my mind!
Boy's have MORE feelings than girls!!!!
Just because you're all good looking does not make you
"more sensitive"...despite the propaganda.
You don't have to worry about things...you will always get the free ride just on account of how you look...so, you never actually develop any deep feelings.
Boys and men often come across as having "no feelings"...that's a result of years and years of humiliating rejection at the hands of you 'more sensitive' girls.
And though sit-coms promote the opposite...girls simp,y DO NOT worry about guys the way guys stress over girls!
Boys have MORE feelings than girls.
Listen to all those male pining songs....'tears of a clown', 'the tracks of my tears', and on and on and on...
Men have created the vast majority of art, and written and made the vast majority of music and songs.
And boys are killing themselves over girls at staggering rate !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I know you wrote tis post in a kind of "light-hearted" manner...and expected replies from males along the lines of "oh thanks, we're glad you finally noticed our feelings"...but no, if you actually have only woken up to males feelings now, that's shocking...and ties in with the neglect of, dismissal of, and rejection of males that is so rampant now.
( P.S... - I know that there are a many truly sensitive and tender hearted girls and women, with genuine feelings, in the world.)
Typical female.
Feelings are for girls and gays. o.O
If you keep pushing him away and hurting him just so you can realize that he does have feelings for you, then in the end you will definitely lose him. That's how it was for me and my ex. He kept pushing and pushing me away and I kept forgiving him and kept showing him how much I loved him no matter what but I guess in the back of his head he still doubted me, he still thought I would "go around" when I just simply loved him...so in the end he ultimately pushed me so far that I won't be going back to him anymore. So don't do that to him, trust that he really does love you.
Of course guys have feelings, lol...
If they didn't, they wouldn't be able to love, like, & care for us, girls. They would be apathetic & always monotone... though there are some apathetic guys out there, but still.
But hey, at least you found out sooner than later :)
There's always somebody who feels the same way or is quite similar to you. There are 6.2 billion people in the world; it is kind of hard not to be able to find someone who is the same way. I may not fit this mold, but I have often felt like I am the only one who is the way I am. I have had to remind myself that I am not alone; that I am not an island and there are other people who are similarly like myself. Know that you are not alone in your perspective, experiences, feelings, etc.
Guys have a lot of emotions. Anger, hate, rage, all emotions!
Is pooping an emotion? I poop a lot
Thanks to the media and all the chick flicks...men are bad robot things! :)
Feelings? I'm sorry, but you're going to have to explain what those are.
I'm kidding, of course. As a man, I certainly do have feelings. I understand that because I'm not constantly expressing my feelings, it can be hard to notice.
It's not so much that we don't have feelings as that we have a harder time expressing them than the average woman does. Most men simply aren't socialized to express their feelings.
I hear you. It's hard to guess what's going on in the other gender's heads. Men from Mars, women from Venus, right?
I don't know if we feel exactly the way for each other, but I think when it comes down to love, it's pretty darn similar.
OMG! no seriously, im the same way. lol. its not because like; idk. i don't know if its just been stereotype stapled in my mind that guys "dont give a crap about anything" ... but its like, really hard for me too to fathom that guys have feelings too. lol -- BUT, to be fair, my ex never expressed any feelings at all. he got freaked out if we brought up feelings. our "relationship"was a word that he was not sure if he wanted or not. and he broke up with me cause he didnt want to be "tied down" to anything. so i just sorted it in the, "guess they really don't have feelings" bin of my brain.
then one of my random guy friends really fell for me hard...i didnt like him back but he was probly the one who drove home that guys (i mean uncreepy type) can feel the same way. my current boyfriend, who was my best friend - took me SO LONG to comprehend that he liked me as much as i always liked him .... and he was completely open and honest about all his feelings. idk.
i'm really sorry guys if that's weird to read, but. i think its just cause i am not a guy, so sometimes, i . idk. i think maybe they're programmed entirely different or something. i acknowledge that its really dumb though, i'm trying to erase that bit of blockage in my brain. lol
i know exactly what you mean.
didn't know that it REALLY REALLY hurt them so bad until the third SERIOUS relationship.
:T i feel like i was heartless now.
jeez
we're not primates, tin men, sex addicts, or toys: we're people. some of us hide it, some of us can't admit it, some of us try to resist it, but we bleed, cry, hurt, long for companionship, pine, ache, despair, and feel every inch the pain of a broken heart that a woman does if it is, indeed, true love.
@imgoingto____FLY_x@xanga - i hope most girls aren't like this, or else I feel like my past broken hearts really were worthless, at least to the girls.
your smart! excellent
congratulations. how old are you, again?
nope, actually only guys have feelings. i'm a girl and i don't have feelings at all and i am going to generalize for my entire gender.
@S_K_O_T@xanga - I agree that men are sensitive. The really deeply emotional men do heart felt things for the women in their lives that they love (like writing songs and creating art which you mentioned earlier)
And thanks for noting that "there are a many truly sensitive and tender hearted girls and women, with genuine feelings, in the world" post script...but you made quite a few all encompassing comments in the script that I'd like to mention:
You don't have to worry about things...you will always get the free ride just on account of how you look...so, you never actually develop any deep feelings.
I am so puzzled by this because other than that I was following your commentary just fine.
Correct me if I am wrong, but from what I understand you have said that:
--IF women have nothing to worry about THEN they will not develop emotions/feelings
--IF women are attractive THEN they will have nothing to worry about
--THEREFORE attractive women will not develop emotions/feelings
I tried to figure out the logic behind this and I hope this is not what you have meant but after reading it many times I cannot figure out any other way to read it. Because it's simply not true. And even if you expand that argument to be more than just women but if anyone is attractive they can still develop emotions, and being attractive does not guarentee anyone an easy ride
And IF this is what you truly meant that what do you say for those women who are NOT attractive? Do they live a harder life? Do they have more feelings? I am curious to read what you think
@MartialArtist322@xanga - Hello, and thanks!
(sort of !)
Yes, I'll grant you, that part of what I wrote could be a mite confusing, however...compared to so much of the fractured, twisted, contradictory, vague, vapid, theoretical, jaded, convoluted, bewlidering garbage that floods, dominates and distorts "modern" society...it's not.
Put that this way...most women are good looking, so most, if not all, women, get a relatively free ride through life...