My best friend has a crush on this guy she likes, and things have been rocky between them ever since they met. Even though they're great friends, communication hasn't been the best part of their friendship. I'd like to believe her crush has some sort of mutual feelings for her, from what I hear from her side. The real problem between them is that both of them are always hiding some parts of their feelings, which means that an endless amount of guesswork and assumptions take place, which gives both of them a neurosis! My best friend always ends up crying over the fact that he's not ever going to like her for real, but she's always only thinking that from her own point of view without ever actually asking the guy! So because I know her crush too, I thought I'd become the communication bridge between them.
Now, before you think anything else, I should make it clear that I am NOT trying to steal her crush away; I am honestly trying to help bridge this obvious communication gap between them.
So her crush and I had a talk and alakazam (almost as if I sprinkled some magic dust), their relationship actually got better! Both of them became much happier just because he finally understood what she really wanted from him and things between them have been going steadily for a month now.
Here comes the problem: I think that after smacking some sense into her now-boyfriend, he started looking up to me. He'd always praise me in front of his girlfriend and leave comments on my MySpace even though he's never done that before. I haven't talked to him seriously since that first time I tried to help, but I think problems between them are resurfacing again. Even though I want to help them communicate better and resolve their misunderstandings, I'm afraid to. Call me paranoid, but I don't want to be the girl who seems like she understands him more than his girlfriend does, and then be a homewrecker, which results in losing my best friend.
Should I just leave them be because it's really none of my business after all? Having seen it work once makes me want to help them again because I really want my best friend to be happy.
Have you been in a similar situation where you were torn between risking helping a friend with her problems and losing your friendship as a result?
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Comments (24)
all the time. just let it be...what ever happens will happen...cant predict the future but u could sure plan for it...g'luck!
yupp...it didn't end well. Two of my best friends had been dating for over a year, but he was starting to get bored in the relationship. I tried to help them out but I got way too involved with the guy and things just went downhill.
The most important thing I've learned from that experience is that some relationships just need to work themselves out. You can be there for both of them as friends, but there are some things they have to work out on their own. Even best friends have a hard time trusting each other when guys are involved. If you do want to help, make sure your friend is aware that she can trust you around her guy.As much as possible . . . stay out of it. I would look at it this way . . . you helped get things going between them . . . if they can't keep things going without outside help, the relationship probably is dead, and you are just artificially keeping it alive. It would be crazy if YOU needed to continually help THEM keep THIER relationship going.
That being said, if you do feel like getting involved and are worried that her boyfriend will end up liking you try this: talk to them separately both focusing on what they could improve about themselves in the relationship. That way you are telling the guy, "If you did this better it might help," and not commiserating with him on what she could do better, and what she is unable to communicate.
Ah, I'm kind of to go to girl for my best friend's boyfriend, and he's nowhere close to developing a crush on me. I mean, maybe he just considers y'all good friends now. There's no outstanding evidence that he likes you like that, maybe he just respects & likes you as a friend.
All you can do is leave them to learn how to communicate amongst themselves. You can't be the messenger for the two of them. And hope he doesn't have a crush on you. Do that, too. :P
Hm. I've been in a situation similar to yours . Do you have any feelings for him ? Like even if it's potential feelings. Cos if you do, then I think it's best if you just leave it as it as, and you've played your role as his gf's best friend.. But if not, then you don't have anything to worry 'bout cos you won't do anything if he tries anything, yaknoww? Yeah, idk. =) Goodluck.
Happened more than once. A couple times I had some attraction towards them but I could never do that to a friend. Well I guess it depends on the friend now; for example my best friend 4 years ago was in love with a girl who he didnt have a chance with but she stuck him in the friendzone and he still believed their was a chance. She used to message me and would always flirt but I just politely kept my distance; well he never ended up with her but tried to talk to a girl I was dating behind my back a year later and this destroyed a friendship of 6 years, so now it depends on the friend. I have given up so many potential relationships for friends who liked the girl and I didnt want to hurt the friendship but apparantly I am rare cuz I have learned in the lst few years that their is a food chain or dating chain.
people... THERE not THEIR...
You should keep your nose out of their business, even if your intentions aren't "evil". They should learn better communication among themselves.
This hasn't exactly happened to me, but something smilar.
It's great that you helped them bridge their gap in communication the first time around but now, let it be. They have to learn how to balance and work out their own relationship by themselves without someone butting in. If they depend on you or anyone else in that matter, they'll never learn how to fix their relationship and make it better.
Besides, your best friend's boyfriend should be praising her in front of you; not the other way around. THAT should already be raising some red flags in front of you.
I think you should just tell him flat out how its making you uncomfortable, and that your sensing that he's overpraising you and how it might hurt your friend. letting him know your intentions makes a difference and it puts boundaries on what he can and he can't do. Just say how you just want to be help them both and u dont ever want to put yourself in a position where your friend might get hurt.
no..it's unpreventable if it did happen. & it happened. she didn't hate me. she knew why he chose me over her.
i'm actually scared of my bf/crush liking my best friend.
Oh God, Happens all the time.
But it always happens the other way around.
I have a boyfriend and they fall for one of my close girlfriends.
it fucking sucks. Cuz my girlfriends mess around with them
They aren't my friends anymore
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Thanks for your input, everyone. Appreciate it.
I think I will just let them be and catch my best friend if she ever falls (which I hope won't ever happen!). I don't intend to speak to him unless I need to, but I hope he'll cut down on the compliments because sometimes the way my friend talks about them makes it sound like she's suspicious of something that I didn't do. 
actually funny thing, i was just there yesturday. i understand how you want to help your friend that is normal, but it is her relationship, you did your part (which your friend should have done herself because i mean, it is her crush) getting them together. dont assist them anymore (yeah tht sounded mean) because yes her bf prolly does have a crush on you, and yes she will end up thinking you are trying to take him if she is anything like my friend. Good luck!!
I guess for self preservation purposes, the thought, "curiosity killed the cat," comes to mind. But I don't really support being a tacit supporter when you could actually be helping. Maybe become the indirect helper bee. Call a "private" meeting and have them talk to each other. Sure, they could do that on their own, but are they doing it? Also, let your friend know that, no matter what happens, you're there for her, not against her. She should probably know that, but spoken words help to officially establish it. Good luck!
I've been in that exact position before. I ended up helping, and, well... Ha.
I suggest you just leave it alone. If they can't work on their own relationship, it's bound for failure. Either that or you'll have to step in and help them for the rest of your life, and that is never fun. (Not like I'd know about the entire life bit.)
If the issue that's resurfacing is their lack of communication again, just tell them that they need to talk to each other. Simple as that. They either listen to your advice or they don't.
Just stay focus on the task at hand: helping your friend! Remember the reason of why you got involved in the first place
help em out! i've received relationship help from close guy friends without falling for them!
No.. but I found out my friend didn't want to introduce her boyfriend to me because she was scared he would like me instead
This kind of happened to me recently, but then my friend broke up with him and then he asked me out. I said no though. -______-
Just talk to your best friend about the problems, help her with them...I was always running to my guy friend when I had problems with my now ex, and than I ended up liking him because he does understand me so much better, and everything and now I am with him and things are amazing...but seein as how he is with your best friend I think itd be best to leave it alone, or just talk to her about talking to him and such.
I've never been in your position, it actually always turns out that my boyfriend or the guy that I like ends up liking one of my friends and isn't interested in me anymore.
I think that maybe you should leave them to it. If they can't make it work on their own then there's nothing between them.
I've been there. Usually, I feel a vibe from the guy that they're into me, but it never goes beyond that. If you just make it clear that that's your friend and that you would never hurt them, usually they respect you enough to not act on their emotions. My best friend had a guy she dated for a short period of time and like a year later, he confessed that he had feelings for me. I think her ex might have had feelings for me too, and me AND my current boyfriend think that HER boyfriend might be into me. Obviously, I don't have any feelings for him; more like disgust at how he treats my friend than anything. Good luck!
Hey - they are going to have to work things out for themselves or else it's just not meant to be. Don't feel obligated to be their relationship fixer-upper.