Tuesday, 14 April 2009
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Is He Being Patient Or Did He Give Up On Dating Me?
I am totally head over heels for this guy that I met recently. Of course, that's not saying much, because I tend to fall for guys pretty easily, but I would really love some advice on what to do because I am SO confused...I met him a little under three months ago at a SAT class - we started talking to each other online constantly, through text messages, and in person (meaning 4+ hours every day). After talking to him for about three weeks, he told me that he had feelings for me and asked me if I was interested in him/would say yes if he asked me out. I was hesitant because I usually don't date guys until I feel like I know them very well, so I admitted that I had feelings for him too, but felt like we should get to know each other better. Someone once advised me to do this because regretful breakups are definitely stressful/hard and that a person who would wait was worth it but a person who didn't wait was not.
He wasn't too ecstatic about this because he said that I knew a lot about him, but said that it was fine, and that he would wait until I felt certain about dating him. The more we talked, the more I started to like him - you can't blame a girl. He's adorable, smart, funny, has good fashion sense, is outgoing/friendly, and is pretty wealthy (I don't care about that quality at all though).
My friends think he's just desperate and wants to use me because of some of the comments he says (you're so hot, when are we going to have time alone, you have amazing legs, you're such a tease, can we still do stuff before we date?, etc.), but I don't think he is. Many guys I know act like that, so maybe I'm just used to it? But when we see each other face-to-face, he acts SO sweet. He gives me the best hugs from behind, holds my hand, lets me sit on his lap, makes me laugh/smile a lot, etc. He hasn't tried to make a move on me at all!
About a month ago, he went on vacation to France for 2 weeks, so I had no contact with him whatsoever. When he came back, our "chemistry" had kind of faded because we were always busy with school, work, etc. Our conversations went from 4+ hours to about ten minutes or less because of this. And now, I barely talk to him at all! And when we do, I always initiate the conversations.
Ugh, I still have feelings for him, but I'm not sure if he feels the same. I keep trying to make plans with him, but our schedules can never match up. I still go to the SAT classes where we met, but he quit to go to a different class and does not want to come back to the one I'm going to.
My friends are all telling me that he's either really patient or has probably already given up on dating me because I made him wait for a long time; I'm starting to fear that he gave up, too...
I have absolutely no idea what to do. What do you guys think? Is he just trying to use me or actually date me? Do you think he still has feelings for me or did he just gave up?
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- From: x_dianeee@xanga
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Comments (39)
If he compliments you like that more than anything else, I would say he's after your body, not you. He probably gave up, because guys like that won't wait around for some action if they know they can get it faster, elsewhere.
It sucks, but it might be what's going on here.
You can date him, just don't do anything with him physically for a while, Make out sessions are fine! but keep it at that until you know his true intentions. If hes not getting any and thats all he wants you"ll know pretty quickly. Also, back off a bit, see him as much as you can but try to not initiate it. Look really good, make him work for him. And he'll come to you. Make him jealous too, if you want to know if he still cares :) dirty little trick but works so well
He probably gave up because he thinks waiting to date someone with a classic rejection like "we need to know each other better" is dumb too.
But either way, you should probably talk to him about it instead of your friends seeing as they gave you some bad advice to begin with.
you'll never know until you just talk to him.
wow, he's taking the SAT and he has his own money, so much that he qualifies as "wealthy"? interesting... sounds like he is too smart for the SAT class then, if he already qualifies as wealthy and he's still in high school
Perhaps he thought with the schedule conflict, you're not worth the effort to work around to actually date and also being rejected once before can really discourage someone.
If a guy really likes you, he will try his best to meet you and keep communication constant between you and him. I see a lack of effort here and a lack of effort usually means a lack of interest. It's best to just move on.
i think things have cooled off with him. but you should be asking him and not really us. i kind of agree with steph. but i would talk to him and get his side of the story.
i'm sry hun, he's just not that interested anymore... it sounds like he's lost interest and moved on.
You should ask him.
Your not going to find out the truth till you actually ask him. If he's givin up then you can move on, if not then you can try and work things out.
good luck.
Long period of time away from someone can definitely change the way they feel. That might have happened when he went away for those months and is continuing to happen since your schedules don't work out. In the end, I would suggest asking him about it if you want to know for sure.
Seems like he's giving you the brush off without telling you. ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS. I'm sure you heard of that phrase before. If he was still interested, he will find the time for you. But now, you're the one chasing him; not him. So what does that say? Move on.
I think he always after your body, not you & your personality. When you didn't let him have it, I guess he got the hint. He left for France & came back with a new view. He moved on & sorry to say, but this guy is not worth your time. He sounds like a real jerk, so move on like he already did.
most likely he gave up. but i mean, doesn't that mean at least you know he's not worth it? Because he did compliment you the way that you stated. it's a little to... erm idk what word to describe it but yeah
As Jesus said, "He's just not into you." You missed the boat, babe. Oh, and your friends give shit for advice because they know just as much about relationships as you do.
I dunno... he kinda sounds like a player who got bored... i mean, i don't have the whole story, but based on those comments, yeeeeeah. i've seen this situation played out so many times with my friends, and it sucks... i'd say move on. there are other fish in the sea, which you admitted you have no problem spotting.
Do you see some of the comments above? This is the reason why there are desperate men in the first place, the reason why some men just get more and more rejection, eventually stop caring for personality, and just am for a body, but I digress. ^^
Here's a guess as to what this guy is thinking: After asking you out, any answer outside of a yes, is a no, but he still has a chance, so he keeps going, trying to win you over, (whether it is for your body or not, I can't tell, I don't know him) and after a certain amount of time, his mind is going to say "Hey, you are in the friend zone", which no guy wants.
And after being gone from, sometime he probably thought about it, he has lost, and nothing can be done, move on. Now you meet him again, and right now, he is sulking, and if you still want him, just ask already, when hes done sulking, hes done with the thought of being with you.
There is no. no. no. No. No. NOOOO, reason to fear getting hurt, and your "friends" are trying to help you, but letting their stereotypical minds that guys are here to hurt, that should NOT get in the way of possibly missing a really good guy.
everybody always says that if he calls you hot, or compliments your body, it just means he is going to screw you over and only go after you for your body. That is so not true!!!!
If he calls you hot, he just feels that way, he is complimenting you with an unintelligent word but seriously? Words are words. This boy sounds adorable and I'm sure if you ask him straight up if he still has feelings for you, he would tell you the truth.Â
Don't be afraid to talk to him about it.Â
From experience and what people above said, it's best to move on.
I'd really encourage you to:
Go up to him and talk how is it going between u and him. Since both of u already said u like each other then u have no reason to play anymore games.
If the answer is not what you are hoping for, move on.
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I think if a guy likes a girl and he really wants to date her and make her his... He would do anything, everything especially after he asked whether he can date you or not.
Unless this guy is super shy and stutter everytime he sees you then u shud make the 1st move hehehehehehehe.
U have nothing to lose...
Don't let guys trample on you.
Take the lead and find out to ease your insecurity :D
I don't think his mind was in the right place to begin with. It seems like the main compliments he gave you were over your looks. Did he ever compliment anything else, besides your looks? It would even be nice if he were to say something sweet about your eyes, and actually explain why he thought what he said he did.
Time apart can change how someone feels. It sounds like since he got back, he's pretty much danced out of sight completely. You two hardly speak anymore. If he felt strongly about you, he'd probably do more to try and get to talk to you. I mean, when you think of how he was behaving before.. would THAT guy suddenly be off the radar except for ten or so minutes a day? No, because that guy appeared to be crazy about you.
If I were you, I'd just ask him about it, bluntly. Because what have you got to lose?
if a guy wants to talk to you..he will talk to you. ive learned that the hard way. ive asked them before but usually it goes like this..
"oh i still like you, ive just been busy"
but that was never really the case.. either you can try to hear his side, or you can take a hint. initiating a dead conversation is never fun, and if hes not making an effort why should you? somethings are too late to be fixed. move on, he has. it always make me feel better tho when i let someone know how i feel though.
if he really likes you.. he shud be the one chasing you.. it shud never be the other way around. if he doesnt give u the attention you deserve - move on. it just shows that he's impatient and fickle. and that cant be good in a serious relationship.
@nicolemcw@xanga - Exactly!!! Nobody should have to feel like they have to look less desirable than they want to be in order to talk to people they like. If somebody compliments you on your outlook, take it in stride! As people know; personality keeps, but physical sparks get it started!
@pillowpixies@xanga - Commenting on eyes falls back into the physical beauty category doesn't it?
You both have conflicting schedules that don't allow the luxury of meeting up. Perhaps on one holiday you two can talk it out and see what' s up. Odds are it's only because of the work and stuff that forbids time.
But, I think IceCold4U has the idea down. He's resigned himself to the friend zone (because you put him there too long) and decided to move on and try to find somebody else. You lost out, next time, act on your own decisions, and impulses, not your friends (who I'm guessing got the advice from a magazine). If he was full of shit as other people here seem to think he is, then you would've been able to leave him behind easily.
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - Not in the same way as commenting on how wonderful her legs are, or how great her skin is, or any of that. If someone compliments another persons eyes, and are seriously talking about their eyes, that's not the same as saying, "I love your legs."