Tuesday, 14 April 2009
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Be Honest: Personality Vs. Appearance in A Relationship
I'm guessing everyone has had a conversation about how much personality and/or appearance matters in a relationship at some point. Recently, my cousin asked me what the qualities that I'd like in a future boyfriend were. I thought about it and said: 1. He's got to be honest
2. We've got to have a strong trusting bond
3. He's got to have a good or at least decent sense of fashion - dresses appropriately in public
4. Nice teeth
5. Sense of humour - so it's fun to be around him
6. Taller than me and older than me
7. Outgoing and open minded - always up for challengesThose are the basic and anything else is just a bonus!
Most people say personality matters most in a relationship, and I agree. I think it is far more important than appearance. But how much more? Honestly, I wouldn't want my SO to dress with ripped old clothes when going on a date; I wouldn't want him not to have any teeth, etc. - and that is all appearance! Importance for me is 70% personality and 30% appearance.
What are your opinions on personality and appearance, and how much does each matter in a relationship?
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- From: Whiskers
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Comments (97)
No one can lie and say that looks don't matter whatsoever. There has to be a physical attraction between two people before a date would even be considered, so of course to some degree, it's important.
That isn't to say that you have to look like a supermodel, or even be conventionally handsome/pretty, as different people find different features attractive.
During the latter stages of a relationship though, yes, I do believe personality becomes far more important. After all, what good is a beautiful face and a hot body if you're a psychopathic bitch or a complete dumb ass?
Besides, love is blind. When you love someone, there isn't a single person on Earth you'd consider more attractive, so looks become the least of people's worries (unless of course you pile on 200lbs, stop showering and start dressing like a hobo).
Personality is 100% important.
I don't really care about appearance.
I think it depends on what point you are in a relationship.
I think when you meet someone and begin to get interested it's about 80% appearance 20% personality.
Then you start to get to know them (prior to relationship) and it gets to about 60 - 50% appearance, 50 - 40% personality.
Once a relationship is established, it's 30% appearance, 70% personality.
After several months or a year, it goes to 15% appearance, 85% personality.
@Spyder_V@xanga - Totally agree with this, was what I was trying to say but simplified!
@porcelainx27@xanga - "No one can lie and say that looks don't matter whatsoever."
Actually, some people really just don't care about looks, but you can keep generalizing and saying that every human being is the same way if you want.
@storiesandsinker@xanga - No need to become so defensive, breathe :)
@Spyder_V@xanga - Ditto.
The longer you're in the relationship, the more important the personality is. Sometimes I look at my husband and I wonder why I'm with him. He's not my type at all (physically speaking) and when he talks and act around me like his usual self, that's the reason why I'm with him for the past six years.
Personality > appearance
@porcelainx27@xanga - *takes a deep breath* Dayum, I can't taste oxygen.
I'm not really defensive. I just think you're wrong, though I could (and most definitely should) have said it in a more polite way.
A lot of people say "everyone is a certain way", "no one can honestly say this", and stuff like that.. but really, it's all crap. There are usually some other people who won't fit those sayings. We can't all be the same way.
@porcelainx27@xanga - @jeezshoua@xanga - Haha, it's just what I've noticed from myself and some of my friends =P
I prefer personality over appearance but I still take their appearance into consideration.
Personality is far more important than appearance. I was first attracted to my current boyfriend by his charisma when I met him five years ago, and I fell in love with him because of his spontaneous sense of humor and desire to cheer people up. It didn't hurt that he's good looking, but that wasn't what drew me to him.
I think I agree that, on average, it's 70% personality and 30% appearance and that, after a long period has passed in a relationship, it's what @Spyder_V@xanga said (85%, 15%).
1. as far as looks go, he has to be cute/good-looking in his OWN way. rock his OWN look, anyone know what i'm saying?
2. he can't be really stupid :] haha
3. he MUST MUST MUST have a sense of humor. that's actually the most important to me; learning to look at the tragedies not simply as tagedies but opportunitites!
4. taller than me (although that's no hard feat!) but i'm not about to dump a guy who's shorter just because.
5. he can't be perverted and like check out other girls or watch porn...
6. he has to be fun to be around.
7. he has to beleive in God. Jewish, Christian, Catholic, or similar. i'm not too strict in what others think. :]
8. he has to have a job/plan! i don't want no hobo ;]
these aren't in order from most important to least.
and definitely personality > apperance! :]
@storiesandsinker@xanga - Yeah I know you didn't mean to be offensive, I tried not to become all passionate and riled in response either!
I can understand you feeling irritated at people generalising as you genuinely aren't bothered about people's appearances, but the unfortunate thing is that most people are, not excluding myself! Yes, I've been with my partner for two years and I'm not bothered by what he looks like (not implying that I find him unattractive of course!), but I certainly was when we met.
I'm pretty sure the majority of us do know that there are exceptions though, it's not like I didn't, so I apologise for the generalisation!
Looks matter to a point, but there are so many pretty girls out there. Only a small sample of those girls have great personality to boot. It's the winning combo of looks and amazing personality that will win me over in the end.
I'll be honest - looks matter a lot, to me. BUT - people have often said that what I consider attractive, is not attractive to them - so beauty is subjective. Yet... maybe this means I have lower physical standards than the average Jane? Personality means a ton, as well... and personality is what will stick it out in the long run (because eventually we will all be sagging... and wrinkled... and either extremely fat or bone thin.) Yet... in the immediate, looks are what initially can attract a person.... which can be fortunate, or unfortunate, depending on your own looks!
@Roadlesstaken@xanga - i totally agree...the winning combo...i know i've said this before soooomewhere but... just because they're nice to look at doesn't mean they're nice to be with... ;)
For me, it's mostly personality. Looks are a plus. With me, I see people as more attractive when I like their personality.
In psychology, we just finished a unit on attraction. People always say personality is most important, but in actual studies, it was ranked about the #10 most important thing. Looks do matter.
@porcelainx27@xanga - "I'm not bothered by what he looks like (not implying that I find him unattractive of course!)"
Haha. That part made me chuckle. It was cute. Congrats on two years btw.
And okay, fair enough.
Personality is important but you also need to have attraction to that person as well. That's where the chemistry comes in to play
Personality all the way. If the appearance is nice, well that's just a bonus.
I find average looking people to be attractive, in that respect, it boils down to the personality for me.
I like how columnist Amy Alkon puts it: "There's a name for people with great personalities who you don't find attractive: friends."
Personality is very important, because I wouldn't want to date someone whose personality I didn't like. But romantic relationships, unlike friendships, get physical and passionate. If you can't imagine yourself making out with that person, don't date them. Sex isn't the whole relationship, but it is part of it. I think it's almost as big (if not as big) a mistake to say it doesn't matter at all as it is to say it's all that matters.