Tuesday, 14 April 2009
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Dear Dr. Datingish: Can You Be Close Friends Who Cuddle?
So, as most stories go...there's this boy. We IM every day, but we rarely see each other - maybe once every month or two. However, when we are together, it's never awkward or uncomfortable. We're generally with a group of mutual friends, so it's not really a big deal.
He does have a tendency to put his hands on my shoulders, and in return I'll grab his hand. However, when we're alone, I always find myself reaching for his hand and he never objects. When we're walking or when he's driving, most of the time we're holding hands. When we say goodbye, our hugs turn into long embraces.
Last night, when he was dropping me off, we ended up cuddled in the car for a good 5-10 minutes holding hands. We've talked about it and we both haven't even ever considered being anything more than friends - there's really nothing there for either of us. We're just comfortable together, and close friends.
I was just curious, though; what would you consider things "normal friends" do, and what's pushing it?
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Comments (46)
It sounds like a g rated friends with benefits situation to me.
Your behavior with him sounds like it's straddling the line between friends & more, but that's okay. You can act however you want with someone as long there's a mutual understanding of what the behavior means or doesn't mean.
I don't think it really matters what's "normal". I think what matters is that what y'all are doing, you're comfortable with. That, and the mutual understanding of what it means, I think are the more important things, IMO.
haha this is extremely new and strange to me. I don't ever recall holding hands with a boy without having feelings for him. I think neither of you want to admit that you want to be more than friends. Or like the post above me said, friends with benefits. It might progress into more than cuddling and holding hands.
as long as your emotions are in check you should be fine.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - That's like the perfect wording for that haha
@JadedJanissary@xanga - Nice.
I disagree with the first ones above.
If you both realize where you truly stand, then why not cuddle? I wouldn't hold hands with a friend, but just because I don't doesn't mean it's abnormal that you do.
To each his own.
It's definitely up the individual, but I personally can't imagine holding hands or cuddling with just a close friend on a regular basis like that. For me, holding hands was the first move in my relationship, and that's where I draw the line between a friend and more than a friend. However, really, it's up to you guys and it's good that you are able to discuss it with each other.
i hold hands with my close guy friends only after i'm certain they don't have feelings for me. i like holding hands.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - haha. seriously , right?
i don't think this is bad.
it's kinda cute to do these things with someone...when you're single.
but hey..you never know!
Um.. wow. I never did those stuff to a "close friend" that I wouldn't consider being something more than friends with. It's rare but I guess it's possible?
If you're both comfortable with each other and no one is crossing into forbidden territory then go for it.
I, on the other hand, like to keep my friends strictly friends. Blurring that obvious line can make things complicated and it's really really easy to start doing other things especially if you're attracted to that friend.
Yeah, I think so.
Unless the person is trying to tell you something lol.
Lol, never heard of close friends doing that... then again you see close friends having sex with each other so... i guess lol.
If you guys have talked about it & see nothing in the future... then why are you always cuddling & holding hands? Maybe because you guys DO have feelings for each other, don't ignore them. They're there for a reason... now all you have to choose if this is right & you want to continue doing it or actually examine this situation & take things further as in a relationship. Good luck :)
sure, why not. as long as you're both comfortable with it, no one has a right to judge.
(i'm assuming you're both single, though. if one/both of you has a signifcant other, then it'd be inappropriate)
totally. i have a friend like that. he's so awesome and a total sweetheart, but nothing would transpire between us. ever. haha i just dont like him like that and we're both seeing people that we really like.
Again, one of you is lying.
I cuddle with some of my guy friends or give them quick kisses. That's jsut how close we are. I've known some of these guys for years! We grew up together and have strong connections. It's great. Just be careful not to get mixed emotions.
i double dare you to touch his dick.
I do that with my best guy friend..but he's gay, so a little different situation! haha. I can almost guarantee you though that if this continues, one you will end up falling for the other...just the way things work. But I don't know.
It must be nice to have a friend like that...
@JadedJanissary@xanga - i agree with you too. lol.Â
I think it's good to be like that, what's wrong with being close with someone you hardly see?
Nothing.
And because you hardly see them, it's probably best you just stay friends anyway.
I'm like that a with a few of my friends too, doesn't seem to be anything wrong with it.
@JadedJanissary@xanga - exactly! lol
I don't see a problem with it at all. But for me, I'm very tactile... not with everyone, but with a few people.
I hold hands walking down the street with one of my best female friends, so I don't see why it should be different to do so with any of my male friends, and in fact I have...
As for cuddles, I tend to cuddle people randomly for no reason whenever I want a cuddle. And if, as you said, you don't see this boy that often, then I don't see why saying goodbye shouldn't last a little longer than average :)
You said you've talked about it and you're both meaning the way you act as good friends... so there isn't a problem. Who defines 'normal' anyway?