Monday, 13 April 2009
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Do You Schedule Backup Dates?
A coworker of mine and I were discussing weekend plans recently, and she mentioned sending a text message to her crush, inviting him to a local bar for drinks. After telling her that I hoped he accepted the offer, she then said she would message a back-up boy with "maybe drinks later?" just in case. She then explained that the first text (to the boy she really likes) was direct while the second text (to the boy she only kind of likes) was more casual and could easily be cancelled. Either way, she wasn't left sitting at home alone, dateless. My first reaction was to secretly hope they both declined because of her selfish ways. Then I started thinking..Did she have a valid point?
Was she being selfish or safe? Do you ever schedule backup dates?
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Comments (24)
I wouldn't do that. I'd feel bad for the backup guy, 'cause he's only second best. It's smart not to put all your eggs in one basket, though. Not all that nice in this case, but probably smart.
I've been guilty of this before.... eek.
she's being selfish. i do that too sometimes because i don't like staying home. & when i already made plans with A...& B wants to hang then i give B a 'maybe' and do whatever with A..then B is my backup to kill time for the rest of that day.
i didn't call B up..B asked for me. so B can wait.
I think it's selfish. The "back up guy" is being used. She won't go out with him unless her first choice cancels. That's extremely sucky.
Sure, it's a valid point. She's saving her own ass. But what about the back up guy?
Selfish.
The back-up guy is just being used & she's out having her fun. The point is pretty valid, but would you really go that way just to make sure you're not alone tonight?
It'll be funny if the back up guy showed up, anyways, after shes canceled on him and find her with her first choice.
It's selfish. I hope she gets stood up.
And no. I have never done that before. Simply because.. I wouldn't want to be a 'back up' date either.
Selfish idiot.
I hope they both decline her too.
I would never do that, it's mean :/ .
This technique really isn't that bad. It's only a date after all..it's not like she's cheating on one of them.
Share the drink of loneliness, it's better than being alone...
I think it could be taken either way. I can't exactly say I blame her, but I could also very well say that it isn't fair to the "back-up date," because she's not truly interested in him and will fling him away the moment she thinks she's got an opportunity with first banana. I've experienced this firsthand with my one guy friend. I was second banana probably from day one. I was good enough for him when he had nobody else, but I was as easily disposable.
Definitely selfish.
But what's the harm in having more than one guy when you're just casually dating them?
It's selfish ... if the guy liked this chick, he probably took the "maybe" as a "yes" and cleared his day to be with her only to have this girl use him... =/
I never did, but if you're not looking to settle and out to have fun, go for it.
What would you do then if the person you were to go on a date with cancelled?
Say a couple days beforeorthe day of?
I honestly have never heard of such a thing. But I suppose it makes sense so long as cancelling one of the dates is simple. What ever works I guess...
selfish, rude, and deceitful. hopefully #2 has the balls to figure out what's going on...it's not exactly difficult to do but most guys (and girls too, for that matter) refuse to acknowledge the evidence for what it is.
no
No...I feel that's a bit disrespectful for the backup date. I've done that in the past and now it's in my conscience.
Cm ~
sh's being selfish. it's wrong that she made someone a back up plan.
selfish, i guess she's not thinking about how date #2 will feel when she bails...would she want the same to happen to her?
Oh hell yeah. I'm sorry, but I have. When I hit 30 I just broke up with my ex-fiance and it was very painful. I went on a dating spree and yes - I absolutely scheduled back-up dates. I was so depressed - I just wanted to keep myself as occupied as possible. Dating and messing around with random dudes was the best way for me after a break up.
One more thing - if she is in the full effect of the dating game then I bet you any money she has already been a back-up plan...
Psh, I do this with friends... If I have plans with someone who can be flaky, I just tell people I might be able to do something, and lemme know what's happening so I'll know if I do. I see nothing wrong with it, except maybe that she's stringing guy two along... But honestly, if she only sees him in a friendly way, it could just be a way of having a good time and preventing a potentially disastrous evening.