I am fifteen years old and have never made out with anyone. Now, I know there are people out there older than me who have never even been kissed yet. But that's a different story. It's not that I don't have the chance to get intimate with anyone, it's that I can't. Just the thought makes me insanely nervous.
The other day I was at a friend's house with a group of people, one of which was my boyfriend. He and I were inside, cuddled on the couch together watching TV while everyone else was outside talking and laughing and joking. Anyway, I don't remember how it happened, but suddenly I was outside with the group and they were asking me what we were doing in there. Cuddling, I replied.
My best friend told me to make out with him, and my stomach twisted at the idea. She then made a joke about how I should just walk inside, grab my boyfriend's hand, drag him to her room and tell him to pull down his pants. She was half-serious. Again, another nervous twist in my stomach.
One of the other girls in the group asked how long we'd been going out.
I told her about a month and a half. She looked completely shocked when she asked, "And you haven't even made out with him yet?" I hadn't realized it was so surprising, but once I thought about it, I realized it was indeed a little ridiculous. This girl and my best friend went inside to urge him to make a move.
When I went back inside, just he and I again, I sat down next to him. He gave me a sort of sly look and then asked me if they'd talked to me about the same thing. I nodded. My hands were sweating, my mind was going crazy with thoughts, and my guts were so twisted I could hardly feel them anymore. He asked me what I thought and I told him I was just really nervous. He pulled me on top of him and, dodging a kiss, I laid my head on his stomach. He started pressuring me a little, and I sat back up and just told him no. He didn't let go of my hand.
Now, before you start thinking this is some sort of rape story, it isn't. Nothing happened. He knows I have absolutely no experience in doing anything of sexual nature, and I reminded him of that fact. I also threw in that I was worried about doing something wrong and embarrassing myself. He was silent for a minute, but did indeed stop pressuring me and the subject changed to something a bit more serious. But that's for another entry.
Anyway, the point of this story is my problem with... err, getting physical. Even kissing someone, just on the lips, makes me so nervous that I feel like throwing up. I've only ever kissed one person - the same guy in this story - and that was, what, five or six times? It never got any easier. Somehow I managed to doge kissing him for months.
I feel like I'm going to be alone forever unless I can get over this. I mean, seriously, I'm not going to get married and remain a virgin even after! Please tell me I'm not the only one suffering from this insane nervousness. Is there anyone who had the same problem when they were my age, and got over it? Or does it never go away and I'm just doomed to live the life of the crazy cat lady?
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Comments (117)
you're 15. it's ok. SERIOUSLY. there is nothing wrong with you ok.
You are still young - you have heaps of time to experience and you will get the hang of it and won't get nervous. Maybe you're only nervous because you guys haven't been together for long and you are still at the stage where you are developing your relationship. I was 15 when i had my first boyfriend - it was freaky. He sounds exactly like your boyfriend - i dodged kisses heaps and hugged him instead lol, and i was nervous as hell! Now im 17, 2 years on, and i've improved alittle hahaha. Don't worry you will be fineeee
Like the first person said, you're 15. You'll likely grow out of it. Stop stressing out and trying to live up to what you think your peers expect of you.
yeah, agree with the guy above. you're 15 and it could be natural that you feel nervous about. it could be called "lack of experience" but also the mere physical act could scare you enough. from what I lived I can say that when having real and deep feelings for the other person it would be really smooth and natural..and no guts twisting or nerves out..
You're 15... there is still plenty of time to be put off. Don't worry. Your hormones wil start to race soon enough and you will be intimate with the strangest of bedfellows. :) Give it time
Dude, lighten up! This is probably just a phase, but a kiss is just a kiss. Everyone is insecure, but it shouldn't be bothering you this badly. I hope you can overcome this, but just give it time.
Yes, there is something seriously wrong going on with you. If you haven't kissed every guy in your town by fifteen, you're gonna be single forever.
I'm just kidding.
If you're uncomfortable doing something, that's your body telling you you're not ready to do it yet, whether it's sex, kissing, making out, whatever. I've been with my girlfriend four months, and didn't even kiss her/make out with her until we'd been together for two. She can get a little dodgey when it comes to kissing and physical contact too, because she's only sixteen (I'm seventeen), but it's one of those things that works out fine after the two of you can just get comfortable with the situation. You're gonna get nervous, because you're trying to please him, and if you don't you won't be happy and you'll be scared he's going to leave you, which makes you jittery. After you kiss so many times, it won't make you nervous anymore, and you'll enjoy it even more. You're fifteen and you've already kissed at two years younger than I did, so you're doing okay. Just take it one breath at a time, you're fifteen, not twenty one.
So, no, you're not crazy, messed up in the head, or whatever. You'll be fine.
you are only 15. you're pretty young. I wasn't kissed until 17, and I was nervous about it like you, but probably not to the same extent. And my first kiss was a shock, and then my first make-out was not too great, because I was nervous.
I got over it, and I LOVE to kiss my boy :)
you'll be okay, Give yourself time.
There's nothing wrong with you. It's normal to be nervous. I would suggest talking to with your boyfriend about it. If he knows you're nervous, I'm sure he'd be willing to help you out and try and figure out what's going on. If he cares about you, he won't care if you mess up or do something wrong. Plus, if it makes you feel any better, you can't really mess up a kiss. Just let your boyfriend know that you need time. You can't be pressured into it, and you need to be completely comfortable. You won't be the crazy cat lady, well, at least not for this reason.
Good luck, hun. You'll be fine.
oh come on it's okay to be nervous, eventually you'll become more comfortable with yourself
I think its very reassuring you are nervous about physical intimacy. It means you take intimacy SERIOUSLY. Your mind and body know what a big, life changing thing it is to be that close to someone.
Guess what? You aren't ready and that's okay. It doesn't mean you'll grow up to be crazy cat lady, it means you will have a lot of self-respect and self worth when you are all grown up, which is attractive to grown up men, which is the kind you need in a marriage.
At 28 when I was dating my husband, I made him wait a month before I went beyond hand-holding or cuddling. The first time we kissed, I was seriously nervous... so its completely normal at any age, but you get over it, too.
Its okay to tell your friends to back off, just because they want to be slutty doesn't mean you do (or whatever you can come up with to make them realize its not okay to pressure you). If they are your friends, they will understand that you aren't ready. I think you'd probably be less nervous if the physical things like kissing and secual acts weren't made so public.
Intimacy should be a private thing, otherwise, its not really intimate is it?
Don't let others decide when you are ready because if you do, it won't be special like its supposed to be, it will be a memory you'd like to forget...
It's ok; you have nothing to be ashamed about. It seems like your boyfriend is understanding what you are feeling. And that's all you need. You'll know when you are ready, though it may take a bit of a push on your part. Before my boyfriend and I started dating I was nervous to even tell him I liked him and a friend did it for me because I felt what you are feeling now. He made me tell him but it felt better afterward. We ended up kissing on our first date but he made me kiss him because he knew I was nervous and he wanted me to be comfertable and he wanted to make sure it's what I wanted.
Don't feel pressured to jump right into a physical relationship. You may feel like you are ready to but you still get nervous, when you feel you are ready you will be able to over-come your nerves. They'll still be there are you'll still feel them but you will decide that you need to do it because you really want to. You'll know when the time is right and that's something only you will know. Don't listen to your friends if they are telling you to do something you are comfertable doing. It's your life not theirs and you have to be comferable doing whatever it is you are doing. You maybe nervous at first but if you really want to do it and you think you are really ready for it your nerves won't matter as much.
Don't ever do something your uncomfortable with.
And honestly, I think this will just make your boyfriends respect you more. If you give yourself up to them too quickly (especially at such a young age) they wont value you for who you really are.
So I say, good for you.
you're 15, there is absolutely NOTHING wrong with you.
Don't worry, when you're ready you'll know. There's really nothing wrong with being scared. I was that way for the longest time and I dodged quite a few times throughout my life...and even when I was 22 and my then boyfriend tried to kiss me for the first time I still felt extremely nervous and turned away. But you know..once you're comfortable with someone you'll allow yourself to explore...I know from experience. As long as you and your boyfriend are on the same page you're fine. So just be patient =)
I didn't even kiss--let alone make out with--my first boyfriend until we had been dating for three months, so you're still ahead of me in that respect.
You sound just like me. I can't stand anything physically intimate at all either. I always get joked at for being scared of being physical in anyway. But I think it shows that you and I know that physical intimacy is a big deal and is very serious. I think it's a very good thing. (:
you're 15..too young for an intimate relationship with the opposite sex.. don't mind your peers asking you to do these kind of stuffs...wait till you're grown up.
trust me..i'm 20 and my friends keep on bugging me about these kind of stuffs..but i never let them lead me..;p
it's okay to be nervous! i remember being so nervous for all of my firsts. first kiss, first make-out, everything. everyone feels nervous before they do something new because they don't know what to expect. it's totally natural. don't worry :]
I don't think you have to worry. You're only 15, and you two have only been dating for 1.5 months; it's perfectly normal to feel that way.
My boyfriend and I didn't "make out" until, oh...I think a year after we started dating, and we were both much older than you. Not to mention we were already good friends long before that, so we didn't even have the excuse of needing to get to know each other more.
These things take time; what timeline works for you can be completely different from what timeline works for someone else, and it's totally okay.
Besides, even if you have physical intimacy issues (which I know I did), that can change as the relationship grows, gets stronger, and you get more comfortable with your boyfriend.
So I think just relax; as cliche as it sounds, it'll happen when it happens.
There's nothing to freak out about lol, you're 15. I'm 16, and I haven't made out, yet alone kiss anyone yet. I have a smiliar problem with you though, I don't like it when anybody touches me, at all. Unless it's a hug/holding hands with friends lol.
We'll get through it together [: . You'll grow out of the habit, like I will [hopefully >>;] .
*except I don't like it when
And most of my friends haven't done these kind of things either. I doubt half the kids in my high school has.
Gah x_x; Forgot to add in a few things.
Your 15 years old. I think this is a healthy fear and, to be honest, it's rather refreshing to know that some young people still take physical intimacy seriously.
Relax, don't rush it, you'll be fine.
You're only 15, it's the first time for you and it's going to be nervous as all hell! It passes, don't worry about it. You don't have a problem with intimacy and in fact are wanting to share it physically, but your body and your heart weren't at one when it comes to it probably because you don't feel anything for the guy you are kissing.
I think it's more like when you are really comfortable with a guy you want to kiss/make out with, you feel much much better and comfortable about it. This guy didn't make you feel like that, so don't fret too much about it.