Miss OstrichA friend of mine posed a question to me today that I'm not sure how to answer:
"Is having cybersex considered cheating?"
My first reaction was to say no, but then as I thought about it more, the answer became less clear.
Cybersex is the act of "having sex" via the internet. You type to a stranger and describe what you'd like to do/for them to do to you and vice versa. For the purpose of this entry, cybersex is not referring to a couple deciding to do this with each other; I'm discussing the prospect of someone in a relationship going into a chatroom and talking to someone he or she does not know.
No, cybersex is not cheating: Obviously, since it's being done over the internet, you don't know this person or ever will. You can't even be sure if they really are the gender they claim to be, and the same goes for you. There's only touching on your end (or not at all), so it's basically masturbating. You're willingly looking at (reading) erotic material over a computer being presented by an anonymous source. Does this make looking at porn cheating, too? The whole concept of pornography is based on fantasy, and so is cybersex because at best, you can only imagine what you are reading.
There is no physical or even emotional connection: you're just two strangers trying to turn each other on and probably lying about how you look in the process. No one is going to leave their SO for a chatroom, and I doubt it makes real sex any less fun. If anything, you are given the ability with cybersex to play out unusual fantasies you're curious about that maybe wouldn't fly in real life, therefore you won't go out and do it since your curiosity was satisfied which SAVES you from actually cheating. The bottom line is it is imaginary sex, so it doesn't count as cheating.
Yes, cybersex is cheating: The word is in the name: sex. If you're dating someone, having any kind of sex with someone other than you're dating is unacceptable (unless otherwise agreed upon, however). While it is anonymous, you're still imagining what this person looks and feels like and thinking about being intimate with them. Flirting can be defined as cheating by some, so isn't cybersex an extreme version of flirting? You wouldn't want your SO telling someone in real life that they want to bend them over and...well...anything you'd tell someone in a cybersex scenario.
There has to a reason they're straying to the internet in search of stimulation. It gives the innocent partner concern that maybe they're not attractive or good enough for the cybering partner. That is, if they find out. Cybering seems like the kind of thing you want to keep secret, which means you're lying if you don't tell your partner about it, therefore you're cheating. You're having a form of sex with someone other than your partner, so cybersex is cheating.
Do you consider having cybersex cheating? Why or why not?
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Comments (91)
I think it's cheating. It's having at least pretend sex with someone who may not be your SO.
Not physical cheating in the sense that they aren't there. But it can certainly develop into emotional cheating. You are giving a part of yourself in the act of cybersex. Sex in general is a pretty intimate thing and to let someone else know how to pleasure you has the potential to put you on a very thin line between cheating and not.
cybersex=thinking of having sex with someone else=emotional/mental cheating=CHEATING
I do consider it cheating. There are different forms of cybersex. Sometimes the people do know each other. While watching Divorce Court I actually saw something like that. A man was being divorced by his wife because he was having cybersex with one of his real life female friends. It doesn't have to be anonymous. Plus, what if they send each other pictures or get on webcam? There are tons of different things to take into consideration.
Plus, look at how many people get into real life relationships from meeting online. I'm not saying that happens in ultimate anonymous cybersex (though I'm sure it has) but it does happen in other forms of it. They think, "Oh, it was nice on the 'net.. so maybe it'll be even better in real life. Lets meet up."
I don't want my boyfriend talking about bending someone over in real life, so why would I want him telling a girl that online with even more detail? After all, he's thinking a LOT about how he wants to have sex with another woman. He has to really concentrate on the scenario at hand to be able to do all that, right?
I don't think it's a reason to say, "That's it! We're through!" but it is a reason to say, "Hey, you might want to cut that out."
Also, like others have said, cheating isn't just physical. It's mental. It's emotional. If this isn't a mental thing, I don't know what is.
i dont think its necessarily cheating, but its plain disgusting. your boyfriend/husband/fiance' should not be doing that, obviously if you want to be with somebody that gross than its your own thing, but for me it would never work.
Well it really depends on what your definition of cheating is. Some people believe that by visualizing someone other than your SO naked is cheating while others believe that you must have physical contact and engage in kissing/intercourse for it to be cheating.
To me, I don't think it is cheating, but I would be furious if I found my boyfriend cybering with someone else..I think cybersex is the same as going to a strip club and watching porn online. Everyone is guilty of that one time or another. Just make sure that your SO doesn't see you doing it.
I think it constitutes as cheating. Thoughts and feelings and emotions go into cybersex and pretty soon it could lead to physically cheating.
yes cheating, your still engaging in interactions with another live person, who is talking to only you. If you were to watch porn it like watching a movie of people having sex. Nothing directed to only you. While cybersex is directed at only one other person. i dont know, if you were in a relationship and ur SO was online with another woman/man talking about what they wanted to do to them.. and got off on it.. would that make you jealous/uncomfortable? imma go with duh
@SandPaperTears666@xanga - People can say that if you need stimulation outside of the relationship.. such as porn to get off on, then it could lead to other things. I mean where do you draw the line?
There's just too much speculation being made of someone who cybers with another. I think it really depends on who your SO is cybering with and the kind of emotional investment he puts in it. It is entirely possible to have cybersex with someone without feeling any emotional attachment to that person.
heck yea its cheating
cybersex? what the hell?
I guess if you're in a relationship, why would you need cybersex with a virtual stranger? Clearly something is not right in your current relationship if you're looking for gratification elsewhere.
first off Id like to know who really would prefer to cyber and touch themselves then actually have sex with their SO/boyfriend whatever...
If you have someone there who would (i would assume) not only more then willing but WANT to please you...why are you looking for it randomly online???
why not watch porn then? at least its not as bad as going to an actual person.
I dont know Id be really mad if I found out my bf was cybering with someone else. Id also feel really bad about MYSELF that hed rather whack off to some fantasy that hes making with some random ass girl on the internet. Is the sex with me that bad?? If you find out your bf/SO is doing this then you need to seriously evaluate your relationship and see what is wrong.
And also he has most likely cybered before this one time. And if he has. then this is most def. cheating because he is continually going to the same "random" girl for sexual pleasure.
Yes...
He is risen!
"I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in Me, though he may die, he shall live." John 11:25
if it becomes a physical and/or emotional obsession, then it is cheating. I think some guys might be afraid to ask their own gf to cyber with them because they don't want their gf to see them as a disgusting perv. there was this guy friend of mine that told me that he had a crush on me and hinted at cybering during our chats although he has a gf and I don't cyber much because I personally find it hilarious than a turn-on. so then I asked him why he didn't ask his gf to cyber with him and take sexy pics or something and he told me that he didn't know how to ask, probably because his gf is the shy type and he didn't know if it would offend her or change their relationship.
It most definitely IS cheating.
It's a uniquely palatable form of cheating. It's cheating because of its overtly sexual nature--dependent upon a system of exchange which isn't physical, but exchange nonetheless. It's the digital equivalent of SUMO (sex using masturbation only). However, because of the anonymity of it all and the fantastic aspects of it, it's tolerable and far less offensive. Maybe in the case of things like Second Life, it's less "okay" because there are bodies to help in the sexual projection (and it's literally your "second life") because the cyber-bodies remove the imaginative aspect of it thereby making it an interactive pornography (an oxymoron) rather than a distant projection of the imagination aided by another person.
The question is: How is it not?
My boyfriend of three years told me that when his work schedule changed to 12 hours a day, 7 days a week, that he was too tired to see me at night or call me.
But he had time to stay up until after 2a.m. and webcam/chat/talk on the phone with an underage girl.
If that's not fucking cheating, I don't know what is.
I'd say it's cheating.
Are you serious? Of course it's cheating.
If you feel like you cant tell your SO it's cheating, then it's cheating. The need to hide something means that your SO will obviously be upset.
And some people do leave their wives/husbands from a relationship built online. It's happened.
If one is single, its not cheating and its a past time. If you dating with someone then it is cheating.....sorta
Whether or not it's cheating, I don't care. But I definitely do not want my boyfriend doing it.
@kieri126@xanga - well said.