Saturday, 11 April 2009
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My Friend Doesn't Like The Guys I Date
My best friend and I have been friends since we were three - it's been a 13 year friendship of bickering and then making up again. Some people even say we act like we are married! We have talked about everything, when I started dating my first boyfriend, she insisted on meeting him He and I'd been dating for a couple months, and I thought I was completely head over heels for the boy. However, my friend had some opinions of her own. She thought he was rude (though if you got to know him, you wouldn't call it rude - just loud!), completely disapproved of my status and told me I needed to break up with him and that this was no good for me. So, trusting her with all my heart, I broke up with him. Now that I look back on it, I don't think I should have. I was crazy about him (as most people are for their first loves). He was one of the only sincere, honest and generally good boyfriends I have had.
Now here is the dilemma: I'm dating a new guy, and he's the best thing to happen to me in a long time. And now my friend wants to meet him. She's already disapproving of him and says she'll decide for sure once she meets him face to face. I know i have to introduce them eventually; that's inevitable. However, should I let my friend's opinion sway my decision this time? Is it really always friends before love, or should your friends be more considerate and understanding of your feelings?
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- From: waste_my_time_x7@xanga
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Comments (64)
he's YOUR boyfriend, not hers.
'nuff said.
I think you should do what you want. It's your life, not your best friend's. Yes, her opinion should matter, but if she's gonna hate on every guy you date, then you should probably just disregard her opinion because she won't like them no matter what.
It's your life. She's not the one that has to miss out on a relationship...that is unless she too is single. Then it may come down to good old fashioned jealousy. Or your new love interest could be satan reincarnate. Either way, trust your judgment, not hers.
mm, sounds like your friend is going to disapprove of whomever you date. I was with this guy once, and his best friend was lie that. My ex kept taking his advise. Its like the biggest problem we had in our relationship was his bf. I still say to this day that his bf had a boner for my ex. I say do what makes you happy, and if she is a real friend she will be there for you regardless. Assuming you are still going to be the wonderful friend you are. Unless she has a thing for you, or she is friends with you because she likes the fact that you give into everything the way she sees fit.
In this situation, I'm a lot like your friend...
but she really shouldn't pressure you, and you really shouldn't give in. When I judge my best friend's boyfriend, I tell her my opinion, keeping in mind that she sees him differently than I do.
In the long run, you should take her opinion into consideration.. but still do what's best for you in the long run. If this guy makes you happy, then that should be enough for her.
so really, I guess it's her that should be more considerate.. it's your life, and you're the one that needs to live it.
Agreed with the first comment.
And this is for you, not for her.
Exactly. He is your boyfriend, not hers. But, I would say that take her opinions into consideration... because she may be right about some guys.
I don't think friends should have any say in who you date. They can have their own opinions, but pressuring your friend to leave her boyfriend b/c he is Loud is absolutely ridiculous. It's really quite selfish. She's only thinking of herself and how uncomfortable he makes her feel. If she really cares about you, she would be reasonable and let you pursue whoever you want. The only time that she can ntervene.. is probably 1. he's a drug addict 2. he's abusive 3. he's cheating on you (and she has to have evidence of this).
no of course not, your friend should be more considerate and understand that you're heads over heels for him. it's good that she can express her feelings towards you, but theres times where she should of just kept it to herself.
your friend would eventually get over it, and realize that he's not so bad and the important thing is. as long as you're happy. that's all that matters.
my best friends didnt like my boyfriend at first but as we continued to date they started not minding him at all
just takes time.
LOL! Sounds like my best friend and I! She has hated all of the guys I've dated and been in relationships with but you have to do you. U have to be with who makes u happy. Thats the good thing about being in the free world, u can pick who makes u happy regardless of what anyone says. The only reason she has qualms is because she LOVES U! Lol. But jus go with who u enjoy!
Haha, I can't tell you how many times I've begun a comment with, "It depends." But really, it depends. We don't know whether or not your friend is the type of person to act like a crazy mother (no offense, and see Monster-In-Law. Hahah). I think friends should always be an important part of your life. Deciding whether or not you stay with a guy, however, is completely your choice. Her opinion should open your eyes and allow you to make a less biased decision, but it shouldn't make you think, "this guy sucks." If you feel a bit angsty about it, talk to your friend about her criticism and how it affects you. In the end, she should only want the best for you, so I'm assuming she'll understand why you feel this way.
Just to go back to the 'your decision' thing, I want to add that I think a significant other should make you a better person. If he does this for you, I don't think there should be too much negative commenting coming from your friend. Good luck!
I don't like any of the people my best friend dates, but that's because I'm a territorial and protective animal.
But the point is, when your friend becomes your dating representative that's when her opinion really matters.
No, no and yes. (there you have it, problem(s) solved. ;)
I don't know why you're complaining at all. I'd rather my friends hate my boyfriend, then again, that might be because I walked in on my best friend&&boyfriend sleeping together a couple years ago.
Since then, I refuse to date anyone who is friendly with my friends, and I love it that way.
Here's a question to ask yourself. Are you dating him, or is she? Last time I checked, it was you dating him - not her. Not to mention, different people want different people as spouses. You and your friend probably have different tastes in guys. So, since we've established that, don't you think it's silly to dump every guy that you go out with just because your friend doesn't like him? She may not like him, but you two don't have the same tastes and requirements of the opposite sex.
Think of how it would feel to you if you were to really care about a guy, and he breaks up with you because his best friend doesn't like you. I mean you're head over heels for him, and then he dumps you over what somebody else said. Not over anything you actually done wrong, but just because the best friend didn't meet with you eye to eye. See, that's frustrating. It doesn't even make any sense because the best friend isn't the one in the relationship!
If you're happy with someone, I don't see any logical reason for you to dump them just because your best friend said so. Advice is just that: advice. It's an idea on what THEY think you should do. (Does this mean that they would do it if they were in your shoes? Absolutely not.) Advice is kind of like an opinion. You can listen to it and agree, or if you disagree you find your own thing to do.
If you like this guy and enjoy being with him, don't dump him just because of your FRIENDS high standards for guys. She's not the one dating him.
Why are you letting her take control of you?
It's your boyfriend after all.
I say listen to her concerns and opinions
but don't listen to her over yourself
an outside point of view is good to have
but only you truly know who he is and if he's good for you
(unless she tells you he grabbed her boob or something lol)
@aiwnt2BwreUR@xanga - totally agree with you on that!
nononono. DONT LET HER INFLUENCE WHAT YOU THINK OF HIM. if i listened to my best friend, i would be single 24/7. haha. but seriously, she may have a good point about his flaws. so listen to her, but dont let her influence any of your choices. especially if you want to stay with him. you should stay with him even if she doesnt approve. i have done it. but i listened to my friends advice and became aware of his flaws..which helped me later down the line when problems arose. =)
you shouldn't let her opinion sway you. while she is your best friend, sometimes you gotta do things and decide things for yourself. if she really was your best friend, no matter whether she like him or not, she'll be happy for you if you're happy. so just do YOU and stop worrying about her. Just be happy. after all, you're going out with the guy, not her
Yeah I agree that it should be your opinion, not your friend's. I don't even consider my parents' opinion when it comes to my LOVE life. They are not the ones dating.
You can listen to her "advice", or whatever you want to call it, but ultimately it is up to you to see if you really believe what she says. If what she says makes complete sense, then you should think about it. If she says things that you don't agree with, tell her what you think about him... I mean, you know him a lot more than she does. You really need to get to know a person before judging him anyways. She hasn't even MET him yet. You are the one in charge of your own love life. You can listen to her, but you don't need to follow what she says.
Don't make the same mistake! Let YOU be the one to decide if and when your relationship ends.
Your friend can feel however she darn well likes about the new boyfriend. Your decision is YOUR decision not hers, and she needs to respect that just as much as you have to respect her opinion of the guy. She needs to let you experience life for yourself, and if you're going to get burnt by this guy, you're going to get burnt but that is your own decision to make. It's great that she cares about you greatly, but she needs to let you make your own decisions and not expect them to be swayed by her opinion. It sounds to me that she's never going to approve of any guy you will ever date and if that is the case, you will never find true happiness with any guy because her opinions. However, that's just my opinion.
if you think about it, only you and your guy have that special connection that no one understands... you know him the best. all those memories and moments that you two shared cannot be outweighed by an opinion. besides, she will never comprehend the love that you guys have.