Saturday, 11 April 2009
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My GF Still Hasn't Forgotten Her Ex
...and it's getting to me. I have tried to take it lightly because I had faith in her that she would stay loyal. I thought she had totally forgotten him...at least this is what she tells me... Her ex hurt her real bad back then. They haven't talked for ages. I guess somehow this is all my fault, as I added her ex on MSN and started chatting the other day, although I did not reveal my identity. Her ex said that he was deeply sorry and that he still loved her, just that he didn't dare tell her... So I told her what he told me. And it turns out that she still had some feelings for him. She said to me, "Perhaps all along I was only waiting for his apology..." We've only been together for a month. I know no matter what I do, his place in her heart could never be taken by me.
But I'm scared. I was pondering: What if his ex (now my girlfriend) had apologized before I'd told her I love her. Would they have been together now? The fact is, once I have committed myself to this relationship, I purge myself of all old crushes and focus on her and only her. Do I deserve to expect the same from her? This is my first relationship, and of course it was easy for me to give my 100%, as I have never tasted such a loss. For her, I know it is much harder...
She told me that she would try to forget him; no, she would definitely forget him. I have absolute trust in her but...there is still a nagging thought...
Because I believe that she truly loved him.
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- From: everyday
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Comments (40)
Okay, my best mate (girl) was dating this guy for about a year. They broke up and she was devestaed, wanted him back--- mourned it over in booze and sex. Anyway; she's got a new boyfriend and it been a month or two- they are cute together and she is trying to get over her old guy, and she tell her new guy she is getting over it but shes not. She has told me that she would still take him back in a heartbeat.
So- my advice to you? If your girl says she over it or getting over try to have faith--- but maybe still keep your gaurd up for awhile- I mean- your relationship is young. Take it slow.
Good luck.
Eeeep, never tell your girl that someone she once had feelings for still has feelings for her. That'll only bring up old feelings & all this other bad stuff.
Maybe you should take a break from her while she sorts out her feelings.
In my experience, exes are exes for a reason. If she wants to stay with you, she needs to be willing to put him (and make him stay) in the past. My first bf 4 years ago was friends with my current bf/best friend, it is quite awkward. I'm starting to realize being friends with my first ex is very hard because it makes my current bf uneasy. I only talk to my first ex once in a blue moon because I care about the status of my current relationship.
In any case...just tell her she needs to make a decision because it is making you uneasy. Just be ready if she chooses him over you. It's a chance she might, but she might choose you instead. It's a rough road having feelings for your ex. Good luck.
You'll need to let her do what she has to do. If you prevent her from coming to terms with how she does feel about her ex, she'll end up resenting you for it.
Just realize, as much as YOU may have 'purged' yourself of all old crushes, crushes are much different than relationships, and if she's not over him, there's nothing either of you can do about that. Be patient with her, and don't become upset if she decides to return to him. If you truly care about her, you will let her do what she needs to without making her feel guilty about it.
To be honest with you, I'd run.. Maybe not forever, but at least for a while. Something tells me she's got too much going on in her head to be serious with one person right now.
Maybe you and her take a break and let her go ses if their is something between her and the ex. It's best that you.
This is why you should never contact the Ex-guy in the first place. Curiosity always kills the cat! Since it's already happened then you can only trust your gf now and still love her the same as you did before. Maybe love her even more to show that You'll always love her way more than that guy can.
Rebound? Hmmmm
i tried going out with a guy when i wasn't over my ex and i ended up cheating on the second guy. maybe you should give her some space to think over things
i never forget my ex. esp one who was serious. but sometimes they hurt you so bad you move on & you find yourself happy. i dont believe she'd leave you for him, but its normal that she didnt forget him.
I was in the identical position as the author of this post. Initially I was terrified of losing her, but then I realized that it's her decision to choose whom to love. I can't force her to love only me, and it's pointless because it will only lead to more heartache for all parties. So I confronted her and told her to choose one of us. Long story short, she didn't choose me, even though on paper, I was clearly the more eligible of the two (better job, better looking, no child to support, etc) In the end, I respect and support her decision. I am much happier now with my life.
I truly loved my ex, and I'm not over what happened with him, not ready to move on, but I would never take him back. I don't know if that helps at all or not.
You need to give her space. Let her decide what she wants, you or him.
I had that happen to me with a boy I dated in high school. He eventually broke up with me and went back to his ex and now they are married and have a kid. lol.
You can't expect her to forget him, especially if she loved him. You can expect her to move on, and if she hasn't, write this off as a good learning experience and move on.
I really hate to say this, because I could see myself in a similar situation, but if they still have feelings for each other, chances are they really don't want to.. it just happens.
Especially if he was her first love. No one ever forgets their first love, and in my opinion, never really gets over them either.
I hope things work out for the best, but just remember: whatever is meant to be will work out the way it's supposed to. Promise. :)
Aww sweetheart I'm sorry. It seems this is a tough situation.
I have to agree with the others though if she loves him and he her than it will be hard for them to stay apart. Though it all depends on how she feels towards you.
I wish you luck!
*hugs*
thats so sad.
i wish you the best.
sorry. no advice from me today. not feeling so awesome myself either.
i honestly think that you shouldn't have contacted her ex, like honestly what was the point and what did u expect would come of it..it's called ex for a reason......and you can't live ur life thinking about if she's gonna leave u or not ...just live and what will happen will happen
GOOD LUCK
the fact is if they are going to get back together, they are going to get back together. You can't control that, and if you love her then you do. You just have to let her make her decision. But good luck
Give her space and time. Don't rush.
Cliche, yes, but it'll really help her figure things out and help you realize what's going on. :)
you cant help who you love. I know exactly how you feel because i use to be that girl that couldn't get over her ex and it tore my bf up real bad. But i'm really glad that he stuck around and helped me through tough times because he's the one for me now! So hang in there and be the support that she needs! there is no point for her to hold onto what is gone! Good luck!
You can commit yourself entirely to her, and that is a wonderful thing. But you're not dating yourself - so the real question is whether she is able to commit herself entirely in the same way. She needs to make the choice that she can live with, because love shouldn't be tainted with regret; that wouldnt be fair to either of you.
You really shouldn't of meddled. Eep! I have no idea what to tell you.. perhaps it's best if you take a break.
if he really hurt her, then i hope she realises it's not worth going back to him, and that she has you now which will hopefully turn out so much better. she shouldn't have to end up putting herself in that situation again with her ex, she needs to think about what's best for her despite how she feels about him.