Miss OstrichI miss date nights.
I've been involved with my current boyfriend for almost two years, and while I'm still very happy, I envy my single girl friends who still get to experience the thrill of getting asked out. That is a wonderful feeling along with the excited anxiety you get while waiting for the night to come.
He and I used to go out all the time at the beginning of our relationship, but as we've grown more comfortable with each other, the need to go out and find entertainment has become less important. We go out to dinner now once in awhile, but that's really it. Too often we just sit around and watch television until we fall asleep. I'd like to ask him to take me out somewhere, but really, neither of us can afford it, which is part of the problem. I'm not getting bored, but I'm worried we've lost a certain "edge" to our relationship.
Have you been in a long-term relationship and missed date nights? How did you combat this problem?
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Well, it's pretty funny. They always say humans want the opposite of what they have, and this post kind of reminded me of that. I know a lot of girls who want to be in relationships where they stay up watching TV until they fall asleep. Meanwhile the attached girl who's got that wants what they've got. That just kind of amused me for a minute.
I think it's an even trade off. You traded uncertainty and an "edge" for the comfort and safety in a long term relationship. There are perks on both side, in my opinion. The thing is, when you're in a relationship with someone for the long term, you can still go on dates and be spontaneous if you so choose. You can still have an edge and excitement in your relationship. You can combine the "single" feelings with the committed side, per say. Meanwhile the girls who're single can't do that. It's harder to put the awesome things in a committed relationship into play when you are in one. Meanwhile it's fairly easy to make your committed relationship exciting like a new one would be.
Me, I'm in a long term relationship and I'm just not facing any issues of this sort.
This happened to me in my relationship with my now ex (disclaimer: we broke up for other reasons, nothing to do w/ this type of feeling).
We combated it by simply trying to at least go out and do something once a month. We made it a point to go out somewhere. It did not have to be fancy nor expensive. We went to a picnic at the park one time (i.e. free, minus the cost of the food, but that wasn't too terribly much).
*Shrugs*
I have been with my SO for about 3 years now, so i have been through what you talked about. At first, we went out a lot too, spent a lot, i got to look pretty and dress up, it was all quite fun.
But then, he starts having less money, all we could do was talk, but at the very least, i would say 'lets drive to the beach'.. lol.. so at least that's exciting to a point.
Then, i started arranging dates, on my own. Why does it have to be him that takes me out? I would tell him to keep a certain day free, i take the car, and drive him somewhere. I would make sandwiches or other food, so i won't have to spend money on food at all.
So Why don't you try getting creative? Go for a bike ride, go ice skating, swimming, beach, go out at night, watch stars... they are all free of charge.
So enjoy these 'couple nights', before kids come into the picture. Watching tv together and falling asleep in silence will probably be considered fun when you do.
I've not been with my BF too long, but I still know what you mean. All me and my BF do is watch dvds till we go to sleep, I'm pretty low on cash so it's also difficult to do anything, and we don't get much nice weather here to go out and do anything.
I do miss the going out, but once the nice weather comes in am suggesting to him some ideas like going to the beach and theres some hills we can climb.
Maybe suggest going for walks, picnics, go to the park, the beach, etc.
Just agreeing free is more! It's up to the both of yall to come up with things together or on yalls own to keep I guess you would call it "the spark" going. Good luck!
P.S I've been with my love for a good part of 7 years and we do get into " the slump" but there are ways out! Again good luck!
My ex and I used to take mini roadtrips, usually to a place called Peace Rock. Pack a lunch and just go and enjoy the scenery and the company.
There are actually, not even depending on where you live, a lot of places like Peace Rock all over the country. If you Google "swimming holes", I think it is, you should find a BUNCH of places. It's a lot of fun, especially if you're looking for a little goofy romance.
I've been with my boyfriend for two years as well, and i also felt we were going through this. we always seemed to do the same things over and over. but i just started asking him if we could try something different everyone once in a while. we're both pretty much broke, but the last thing we did was paint boxes for each other...it's childish but cute =)
"this is for you..."
"and you can put lots of stuff in it!"
We just go on picnics, or too the beach, or for long walks. I love those comfortable nights in though.
I think having a date night is a good idea. It will keep you close and get you out of the dwelling place. /it does not have to be expensive and maybe it could even be playing board game or meeting up with some friends and talking/chilling a little.
I've been with my boyfriend for three years, and we still have date nights (or afternoons, for that matter). It doesn't always have to be going to dinner, or anything elaborate, even, but we still make it a point to do something special together once in a while.
I miss the excitement of getting to know new girls in a date scenario. I've been with my girlfriend for 2 and a half years, so it's been a long time since the thrill of the chase for me!
But we still make sure that we go out to dinner at least once a week, and usually the movies too, on a separate night. There have been weeks when we've just spent every night in the house together... and those weeks usually end with me wanting to kill her!!
The fire's going to die down in any relationship, but it doesn't have to go out. It's up to you both to keep shit interesting and doing new things. Try to find a better balance between going out to "discharge" and staying in to "recharge" if you get the metaphor.
If you both bore of each other and money is the issue, try to cut back on your ends so you both can save up to go out somewhere.
I've never been in a long distance relationship, but I might be coming this fall when I go to grad school. It's funny cause I never believed in LDR before.
That is my exact situation with my boyfriend. He's a movie buff, and it seems that's all he wants to do - watch movies. It gets boring after a while. We're both in college, so we really can't afford to be going out all the time...
I've talked to him about this, and with summer and warmer weather coming, we've agreed that we will do new things and not let "boredom" ruin or relationship.
:)
ooooh i totally know what you mean! i've gotten into arguments with my boyfriend about this. but thing is, he cannot afford it. and most of the times when we do go out, i'm the one with a job and so i pay for everything most of the time.
i bought tickets to go to concerts, musicals, movies, plays, dances, and amusement parks.
anything he's practically 'bought' for us to go out, was one time to 6 flags (though he had a season pass so we got in free) and pays for when we go out to eat *sometimes* and to the movies *occassionally*.
I mean it doesn't seem that bad compared to yours *no offense* but, my boyfriend is BIG TIME lazy!
Every time I want to go out and do something, I tell him, and I have it ALL set, he doesn't want to go. He would reply in an angry/impatient tone of voice "I don't FEEL like doing ANYTHING. I just want to stay HOME" --- etc. etc. Made me cry a few times. Basically, he'd rather stay at his apartment playing WoW (Online game you pay monthly) for countless of hours in ONE day, EVERYSINGLEDAY.
I told him I've been wanting to go to the Observatory/Planetarium in LA since January.. yeeeeah, haven't gone yet! Besides, I think I'll be the one paying....
and I've been wanting to go to Disneyland for a while now too, since Dec.... *my birthday's in december and i didn't know you could get in for FREE on birthday! and I practically only drank at night! HIS IDEA.* ---- and there's this deal where you can get admission to Disney TWICE within a month! >:O BUT, I think I may have to pay for that too....
And I mean, it also goes without saying that, you should pay for what YOU want to do.... but wtf does he want to do!? NOTHING. uGHHGHHhGHgHGHg.
The worse part: We've only been together for 10 months and IN COLLEGE. Shouldn't these be the best years of our lives?! damnit! damnit all!!! lol.
oooh yeah! and since we hardly go out to eat/do anything. There were a few times where he freakin' ASKED his FRIENDS to come WITH US. And I was like, are you freakin' kidding me???
And then I'd just be in a bad mood. Or he'd put it, "Anti-social". But I've told him that it's TOTALLY different if your friends are with you. Like, you act differently, or cant DO things you want to do. And basically be ALONE with your SO. That pissed me off so bad. It was SUPPOSED to be a DATE but then you go out and ruin it by inviting other people!! GRRRRRRR. Slap in the face.
I told my boyfriend I wanted us to go on dates sometimes, and so we do :]
My husband I have been married for almost a year, and we dated for 4 years prior to getting married. We've not had any problems like this at all. While we were dating we'd have "date night" at least once a week and now that we're married we have it less often, but we still have it.
Like everyone else has said, the trick is getting creative. You don't have to spend money every time you go out. The real reason for "going out" is for a change of scenery and entertainment, and that doesn't always need to cost money.
go for long walks. ask other couple friends to come over for games night or dinner. cook together you guys gotta eat anyway.
i'll just drag him to do something completely random once in a while
Just have to make it a priority I guess. My bf and I have dated for almost 7 months, and even though we both are usually broke, we go hiking on state park trails, take mini road trips (yeah gas money is needed but it's still cheap) and take pictures. Every now and then we will go out to dinner and such.
As long as you keep planning things, free or not, it'll give you something to look forward to. Right now we have the Music as a Weapon 4 concert comin up, then finally taking a vacation to Colorado, which we saved up for.
Just have to stay creative and prioritize your relationship. No matter what life throws at yah.
My boyfriend and I spend most of our time together asking each other "what do you want to do?" because we basically have nothing to do - no money :(
Though it is boring sometimes, we make the most of it by watching TV. But because I haven't really experienced the whole "date night" I don't really miss it, but sometimes I wish there was more my boyfriend and I could do.
boyfriend never asks me out on a date unless its a major holiday :'(((... the tradeoff is if we do go out on his choice, they are extremely whoa dates. all out.
i guess i shouldn't complain... he is a nice person when he wants to be. just very very lazy
Correct. That is the tradeoff for stability and companionship. The closer you become to eachother, the less need there is to impress the other in the relationship.
flowers, sex, back massages, fine dining, lingerie, all drop off after a while.TO COMBAT IT:Have you spoken with your male that you miss doing things? -I see money is an issue, so dont ask to be wined/dined.
-Try placing a simple note on his computer (or something he is frequently near) with a cute message.
-When he is standing and not expecting it, Tackle him! Make his heart pound from fear/excitement.
-Make sure that you smile and giggle around him like you did when you first started dating. Make him feel special! Chance are (atleast with my girlfriends), we become close and I provide stability in the relationship, but we loose that spark of randomness. Things are routine.
I hope this helped.
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