Someone Googled "virginity anxiety" and found Datingish and it made me think about how nervewracking your first time
can be is. If you've already had sex, think back to your first time - did you pretty much know it was coming, or did it just sort of...happen? How did you feel about the whole thing - nervous? unprepared? ready? totally sure of yourself?
Also, what advice would you give to those who are waiting to have sex to make their first times a little less awkward? I know I wish someone would've told me to just relaaaaaaaaaax and not be so uptight...
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Comments (89)
I was totally ready for my first time, but in all honesty, I wish I would have known about the bleeding.. my friends skipped that detail in their stories. I think what helps the most though, is if you spend your first time with someone who really cares about you, and will listen.
Some girls end up with guys that just don't listen to them. I mean, you're going through a really painful moment (for some of us) and it doesn't help if some guy is mindlessly pounding at you when you just want them to stop for a second.
i'm in love with this post because hopefully the comments will help me out. whenever i think about it, it seems sooo awkward >.<
Know it won't be perfect. It will be awkward and you both will probably end up laughing at yourselves. Enjoy the closeness, that's the real beauty of sex.
Also, for girls, it is one of the most painful experiences. Take it very slowly, and keep communication. It will be okay.
M
I wasn't nervous at all my first time. It was just totally awkward...and not even pleasant! I was horrified that I might not enjoy sex...but..of course, no worries there.
Take deep breaths because there's pain involved. I thought it wouldn't hurt that much despite what girls said but when I found myself in the situation, I was screaming from pain because it did, in fact, hurt. And the guy was not gentle and though I was overreacting-why that relationship didn't take off, but I wish I did it with someone else.
-Make sure he's in the right spot.
wow......thanks for the advices... makes me even more nervous now... For sure lubrication is needed then.. hhahaa
umm...any advices for the guys?
don't panic, open wide, and enjoy the ride.
the more that you tell yourself to relax, it backfires. so be horny and just go at it but probably with someone that cares about you, is patient, and will stop when you're uncomfortable.
alcohol.
Seriously though, calm down, itll happen more than once guaranteed... and itll get better the next time =)
I think there's a complete misconception and stigma about saving one's self for marriage. Many people, like myself, choose to save themselves due to religious reasons. There are, however, plenty of secular reasons why abstinence until marriage is a worthwhile thing to do.
I think society, the media, magazines and whatnot have completely twisted the meaning and purpose of sex. Sex is the ultimate physical expression of love. I'm not denying that sex between an unmarried couple can be meaningful; yet I believe there is something incredibly beautiful about sharing your body with one person only within the context of marriage.
I won't put myself up on a pedestal and say that I've been a perfect example of purity, because I definitely haven't been. I've made some mistakes in my relationships, but it is through these mistakes I've realized how amazing it would be to have sex with my husband without any baggage from previous relationships; his body and touch being all I'll ever know.
I have not met anyone who regrets waiting until marriage, but I have met plenty of people who regret having sex with the wrong person at the wrong time. Having sex may be "awesome" but keep in mind that instant gratification is just that - instant. Waiting until marriage will ease those pesky thoughts you may have in the back of your mind about whether your partner really loves you, is using you, etc.
Some people will fight me on this but trust me, I'm well aware of all the arguments for the other side of the abstinence debate...because I've been on both sides of that fence. But if it's awkwardness you're afraid of...who better to be awkward with than your husband?
Hmm. Relax? I'll think about it when it happens. haha.
next thing you know someone is gonna put up some steps. Step one..Step two... LOL.
Umm, advice from someone whose only been at it for like, a month, wait at least until you're in a relationship and make him be patient. Try to prepare your body...finger yourself (or have him do it) first to get your body acclimated to having something inside it. Go slow your first time, breathe deep. Dont put yourself under too much pressure to relax or be particularly great, it hurts like a MoFo.
Blech!!!
My first time was fine. I didn't really expect it to happen at that moment, but we had been together 8 months, so it wasn't a total out-of-nowhere-shocker. And I was totally young enough to imagine we would be together for the rest of our lives.
It was the SECOND time that sucked. The second time where you think "Yeah! I've done this before! I'm so big and cool! I know exactly what I'm doing! Go me!"
I'm lucky nobody died that second time. :-o
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - FTW!
I just think it really depends on how close you are with the person usually. I've loved my boyfriend very very much, and because of that, nothing at all is awkward with him. (Even farting..... -_-)
Every time we went further physically, it was sensual and loving and it just felt right.
I wasn't nervous at all for my first time. Was ready although never expected it to happen but am glad it did. Many girls when I was at school had been having sex underage, I could have fallen into that crowd but I didn't I'm glad I waited for the right time, he was the right guy at the time. I don't regret it at all.
Don't think about it too much just let it happen naturally.
My advice would be not to put so much pressure on yourself. Noone is "great" their first time, but just like everything else it gets better with time. I'd also tell them that it's not as big a deal as everyone makes it out to be, for a girl, that some girls are actually born without a hymen and other "break" theirs if they use tampons. I have never heard any girl say that her first time really hurt, or hurt even a little bit.
The first time is damage limitation. Get in, get out. Give her as much pleasure as possible. Apologize. Then move on.Â
@nexthorizon@xanga - awww... That's what I wanted to hear, so if we love each other it'll b fine :)
thx
I think i have been lucky, I expected it to hurt, but it didn't, only very minor. Maybe it's because i held out for a long time, and so every time, it's pushing just a little bit more. So at the end, there was only a little to go.
My only advice? Don't do it straight away. There's plenty you can do without the immediate sex. There are hand and oral stimulations that are just as great. These can help you climax without it hurting. Enjoy that for a while, this way, you also know how your guy is. How patient he is, how caring he is to your needs. I dont' think anyone should jump straight into it, unless you're married.
For me, i didn't have my first 'real' sexual experience till 3 years after. At this stage, i know i can completely trust him, i know he is completely caring because not once did he ever force himself in and cause me pain. In fact, when i start even saying 'ow' a tiny bit, he would immediate stop what he's doing. You definately need someone who is attentive and will listen.
Thirdly, Dont' do it too young, there are just too many chances for it to be regretted. For me, i'm glad that i did it with this SO, because regardless of whether he's the right one, i know he has made a huge impact in my life and someone who will always put me before himself.
@sarahzthoughts@xanga - very sensible. really.
Lmao :x .
Pretty helpful :P .
I wish I'd known that it could bleed, a lot, I wasn't expecting so much. The pain wasn't too bad, and we laughed about the blood afterwards. I look back on it and smile.. everytime =). That was nearly four months ago.
My first time I was raped, so I will go from my second time, I was so nervous and shaking, my boyfriend kept asking me if I was sure about it because he knew about my past. I was only nervous in the beginning.