Friday, 10 April 2009
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Wanna Impress Members of The Opposite Sex? Stop Trying to Be Cool.
In the first installment of COOL, I wrote briefly on defining what cool is, what being cool means for a person and how being cool isn't always such a great thing. Now, I will elaborate on how being cool can be quite detrimental to a person and that, perhaps, coolness should be used sparingly with caution; all things in moderation, right?Let's begin by imagining you're out at a bar with friends, having a few beers, enjoying some merriment and generally having a good time. During the course of the evening your group intermingles with another group of the opposite sex. Gradually, you develop quite a liking to one person in particular. You're a little nervous but fortunately, you're also really cool, so you don't let on that you're a blubbering mess on the inside. You spend the rest of the night playing it cool, occasionally engaging the object of your desire in conversation but not too much; as a cool person you want to retain an allure of mysteriousness and the last thing you want is to come across as needy or desperate. So, you're cool. You chat to other people and even sometimes just plain ignore her but she's always hovering in the forefront of your mind.
Eventually, the night comes to an end and you suddenly realize that your potential love interest had gone home alone earlier or, even worse, with someone else! What went wrong? You did everything right: played it cool; showed some interest but retained an air of nonchalance; he/she is single and interested, you're single and interested, what could be simpler, right?
The problem - the big raging exclamation mark that you've missed - is that all the while you're being cool and thinking you're just in the position you want to be in, the person you're secretly fawning all over in your head thinks you're not interested. What!? Never. That can't be right, can it? Well, let's see: doesn't talk to me much = not interested; talks to people around me = not interested; avoids prolonged eye contact = not interested. Getting the idea yet?
What can make this situation worse is if you've been acting so cool that the other person thinks you're not interested, he/she might think that, even if he/she's interested enough to make the effort him/herself, you're too cool for him/her or conversely, he/she's not cool enough for you!
Can't you see this is not how it's supposed to work? Why do you have to be so cool all the time? Why do you want to go around trying to toy with people and play mind games? Whatever happened to being friendly, talking and flirting? Does it really have to be as hard work as you make it out to be?
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About the Author
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- From: MelancholyRambler@xanga
- About Me: I like semi-colons and proper spelling and grammar. I like reading mundane blogs with no agenda. I like to go down the pub, even if I'm on my own, and make friends with the bar staff over a scotch on ice. More often than not, there is someone I know there I can hang out with. I don't like people who incessantly go on about their weight or only talk about their supposed problems with drugs or alcohol and my pet peeve: the tragic love lives of the "lonely". Okay so all these things are very sad but it's all I ever seem to hear about. Aren't you people bored of talking about the same stuff all the time?
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Comments (17)
Being "cool" is wonderful, and I can speak from personal experience that acting too cool (i.e. aloof) can be a detriment... but... oh let's face it, it's a protective mechanism. "I'm afraid, I act cool, you think it's a turn off, you turn away, I act 'cool-er' (more aloof)" and on and on we go. So if I'm understanding this blog correctly - by saying, "stop trying to be cool," you're telling us all to find that elusive gem: balance, between being confident enough to act as though we don't "need" people, but involved enough to actually seem as though we give a damn (which, we probably do.)
so nice guys finish last or don't get the girl they want, is because they are "too cool," not because they are too nice. in conclusion, the bold sexy jerk that dares to wink at me from across the room wins yet again
Doesn't sound too cool to me, sounds like more of a jerk thing to do. In my opinion, people shouldn't try to be cool at all. You're either born cool, or you're not cool. "Cool" isn't a thing so much as a personality or temperament. It's either in your personality and genes, or it's not.
Stop trying to act cool and stop trying to act tough. Nothing is funnier than punking someone who is trying to act tough. I live by hoodrats and that's all they do. But say something to them and they shut the f*ck up. It's like go fix your eyebrows, bitch. I agree with pillowpixies.....some people have it, some don't. Don't force it, it's obvious.
That's okay. I have no "cool" inside me anyways.
Truth: The band nerds had more relationships in high school, and had more fun in doing so because they weren't afraid to be uncool.
Learn from the nerds guys, cool gets you no where.
lol what silly situations we put ourselves in
I think people that act like that are both uninterested AND annoying. I wouldn't want to go out with someone who's always trying so hard for something that doesn't really matter.
@storiesandsinker@xanga - Me too.
Good thing I'm not cool (:
nope, I am definitely not cool...just plain old shy, which reap the same result....
wow. I'm a female and I've been playing it cool since grade school. And it's not because I want to, but because I get extremely embarassed and/or shy when it comes to stuff like this. I mean sweaty palms, stumbling, walking funny, racing heart, etc. However, it comes across as complete disinterest. Guys have flirted with me and have shown genuine interest in me but it's difficult to reciprocate even when I really like them so I ignore the crap out of them or play it cool. I guess it's extreme anxiety coupled with having to have a defense mechanism just in case the other person may not feel the same way as I do.
This is SO true.
Sounds like a jerk.
I don't like it when people do that.
I paraphrase and quote Richard Pryor: "It's easy to fall in love with somebody, just sit down with them and talk to them for a while".
All of what you said was the real way to get popular in high school and is good sociable practice. I learned in high school to stop trying to make so many friends and did things my way (self-isolation, doing my homework, studying and doing what I wanted to do). In a sense, you do end up playing it cool when you don't care what people think, but let them come to you and then you can both hit it off or ignore each other. After I did that, I ended up making all the friends I ever had or wanted (real ones, not ones that ditch) just by being myself and speaking my own point of view.
It's not hard to make friends or relationships as you said nor should it be, but as humans like to over-complicate things, it is the way it is.
i for one am not going to waste my time on a guy i think is not interested in me
well im taking that as an advice ..!
it had happened to me before.