His catty friend said that I was using him, that I'd cheated on him and treated him like shit. I do admit to treating him badly 'cause he knows how to tick me off, especially when I'm tired and stressed out and all I do is end up blowing up in his face. I asked her for proof of my cheating, and she said it's the way I flirt. Oh.
Recently, I told him everything - someone told me if you love someone, then you would get over your fears...and plus it was just killing me, so I told him that the reason I always pushed him away was that I was afraid he'd rip my heart out and shoot it like what others did, and I was afraid to let myself love him because I was afraid of getting hurt....And I told him I pushed him away because I told him I'd rather give up what makes me happy in order to save my home.
We came to this ultimatum - we'll "rekindle our flame" after I graduate.
My formal was April 4 - I went and looked great, but I was nervous 'cause I'd have to talk to him and I didn't know what to say. Guess who he took? Catty Female.
Throughout the night, I was not thinking of him, but about my family - YES, it's supposed to be a night for me to have fun, but my god, my brain was everywhere. My heart started beating faster and my breathing started to get hard. As I was struggling to breathe, he walked past me and asked if I was okay. I shook my head violently and rushed out. I had an anxiety attack.
As one of my friends was comforting me, I couldn't help but think,
where is he? why isn't he here? After the entire attack was over, I thought,
he said that he'll always be there for me but where was he when I needed him? To his defense, when he saw my friend rush over to my aid, he decided to leave because he thought I didn't want anything to do with him.
Throughout the night, as I danced away with my friend, it was fun, but it didn't feel right - I wished it was my BF. As my friend tried to put his head on mine, I didn't let him - it just didn't feel right. I thanked him over and over about comforting me, and I went home alone when the dance was over.
I've been doing a lot of thinking and wondering whether I should just forget about him - in the past, he would never give up on trying to be there with me when I told him I didn't need him. But when I actually needed him, why wasn't he there? Would you be hurt too?
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Comments (10)
Meh, this is complicated. Sounds like the only reason he wasn't there for you was because he thought you didn't want him to be. He was just respecting what you wanted.
@steph - i agree. also, i sense catty female is after him.. probably the reason why she's instigating.
Is that catty friend of his jealous or something?
Anyways. He wasn't there because he wanted to put some space between you and him. Isn't that what you sorta wanted? Sorry you had to go through that.
Yeesh, this problem is on hold. If you can sort out your financial problems, this can be your main focus. Take your mind off of him while you sort out your money woes, then maybe by then it won't hurt so much to think about him. And if it still does, then at least that'll be your only problem to think about.
To be honest, the finances are *much* more important right now. Shit like this makes you grow up, and he clearly isn't there yet. The thing about money is, it either pulls you apart, or brings you together. I know that all you want right now is probably to just "be able to be a kid" but we don't all get to live the easy life. Be proud of the fact that you're making yourself into a stronger person right now--trust me, it'll make things so much easier in the long run!
Okay, so your boyfriend was there, but you were dancing with your friend? And he brought the catty female? What kind of relationship is this? Isn't the boyfriend supposed to go to the formal with his girlfriend?
I think what's happened is you were pushing him away constantly, and for a while he wasn't letting you do that. Then he decided that you were going to keep pushing him away, so he'd comply and step away from you. After he finally did give you space, as you wanted, you realized that you didn't want that - it's not what you need.
What you need is somebody to talk to about this. You're keeping your financial trouble a secret from him, that's not doing you any favors. If you can't tell your boyfriend about it, I'll say again, what kind of relationship is that? You're pushing him away, keeping this a huge secret, and the whole nine yards. You aren't just hurting yourself here.
I agree with the others though, it sounds like the catty female is after him. Otherwise she'd have no reason to act like this.
The financial problem comes first, you have your priorities right in my opinion. I think your BF wasn't there when you needed him because he was respecting your wishes of giving you some space although having an anxiety attack I would be hurt that he wasn't there too.
I agree with others here too about the catty female.
You chose to push him away. Even if it meant that he couldn't do anything, I'm sure he would rather choose to be at your side than be tortured by the thought of being powerless to even do something as simple as comfort you. Sometimes a guy just wants to be able to do something, even if it seems too little to others. He wanted to respect your wishes and decided that it was best not to be at your side because you pushed him away. The girl kept saying she didn't need him, but the moment she needed him, he wasn't around. Isn't this kinda like the girl who cried wolf, where the girl was serious about the wolf eventually and no one believed her? Sometimes we just need something and we don't know until it's too late
i find myself wondering why you're in a relationship with someone you can't be open and completely honest with, much less someone who has this "friend" (you don't seem to buy that and i'm not sure i do either, but maybe he just needs a female who's not going to shut him out all the time)...oh, and also someone you can't seem to resist treating badly (and admitting it to the world of xanga).
to be honest i think your relationship and your financial problems are two different issues. break up with him, deal with the finances the best you can, and spend some time single until you can figure out what you want and who you want it with.
:)
You pushed him away. You want him to comfort you.....? Get him back and cut catty friend out of his life.