Fmylife.com contains short day-to-day life anecdotes. A simple recipe: in one sentence, each site visitor can tell the shitty moment which ruined his day. These short stories must begin with "Today" and end with "FML".
Here are our favorite five submissions from
F*** My Life this week:
Today, my sister told my mother how she saw our neighbour's son at the movies with a girl and that they were kissing. My mother proceeded to say that any girl willing to date someone so ugly must have self esteem issues and they laughed. I'm his girlfriend, my sister didnt recognize me. FMLToday, I went on a date with a guy for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed." FMLToday, I was at working at Burger King as a cashier. The girl I met last night came in and said "Aren't you that guy from last night?" Last night, I had told her I was going to medical school and was going to be a doctor in less than a year. FMLToday, I was going to have sex with my hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say "fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "pollo frito". I then proceeded to have sex, constantly screaming pollo frito for an hour. I later realized I was screaming "fried chicken." FMLToday, I logged onto my computer to access a video from my porn stash. However, the folder was empty except for my favourite file. Thinking that a virus deleted everything, I was thankful my favourite file remained. When I opened it, I saw a video of my parents telling me not to masturbate. FMLthese were especially epic this week
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Comments (24)
Perhaps it's small... but these always make me feel better about my own life. I can't .... believe these. How awful for the people who posted 'em (and how entertaining for the rest of us)! I think I empathized the most with the last one - I know my parents would do the exact same thing, if I stored porn on my comp and they somehow found it. ::shudder::
"Plump with my seed" hahaha way too funny!
The first and the fourth one. Lmao.
lmao!
=]]]]]]]!
One of my friends was kidding around & said #2 is gonna be his new pick up line~ LOL.
The last one was really funny.
The second one made me laugh because of its ridiculously creepy quality, but the fourth one is just plain hilarious. I wonder what the guy's reaction was.
Ahaha.
Love these.
plump with seed is probably the funniest i've ever read on there. (though i wouldn't really consider it an fml.)
The second one is my ultimate favorite EVER.
ROFLL wow those are the most epic one's I've heard all week. :) I love all of them but not so much with the Burger King one, yet that was hilarious.
That polio frito thing could have been obvious, really. I'd be like, "come on, be serious already. How you you say 'take that tasty little pool cue and knock the booty out like an 8ball'"? That was if I was a girl, of course.
3rd one = FAIL.
Today, I went on a date with a guy
for the first time. We went to Starbucks and got coffee. We talked for
awhile, and we were joking and having a good time. Suddenly, he put his
hand on my stomach and said, "soon, this will be plump with my seed."
FML
^ LMFAO.
i especially love the second one! hilarious!Â
Fried chicken lol.
LOL the second one is hilarious.
#1 is hilaroius, #2 is awkward, #3 is embarssing, #4 is " you're f-ked" , #5 just sucks LOL
Those were some bad parents in the last one, every good parent should encourage masterbation.
And 3 is to show people that they shouldn't lie about their life and who they are.
Awww, well that's sad for number three. I wonder why he felt the need to pretend to be someone else...
pollo frito!?
Oh man x]