So I have this friend. I'll call her Jane. We have known each other for years now, since we were 11 years old. We've changed a lot. And I remember when I came out to her and told her that I thought I might be attracted to girls. She was okay with that. She's very accepting, even though she's a pretty devout Catholic. It's been a long time since we've discussed my sexuality (I've honestly never dated a girl or done anything physically - I just find them attractive), because I don't want to push my limits with anyone or make them feel uncomfortable.
Anyhow. I told her I have a boyfriend now, because quite frankly, I'm proud to say that we're dating. I care for him very much. I told her I've been seeing him for about a month now, and then we dropped the whole subject of significant others for a good half hour. Then later, she asked, "how long have you been with him?"
"Well, I've been with him about a month or so...why?"
"Do you still like girls?"
I said no, but to be honest, I do sometimes.
Not, like, a crush. But I find some myself physically attracted to certain ones. I just...didn't know what direction the conversation was headed in and felt a little uncomfortable about it and no was the first thing that popped out of my mouth. She told me about this woman she works with who is substantially older than she is, who she is emotionally attracted to more so than physically, she said. But what makes me stop, and wonder why she brought this to my attention is the fact that... well, I don't really see what my being with David or how long we've been together has to do with her situation.
I'm the only one who knows that she really feels this way because I can relate, she said. And you know, after just that isolated conversation, I really didn't think a whole lot of it. I thought about it for a few minutes after the conversation had ended, but then my mind wandered again about meaningless things like it usually does. She even said she's completely content with about her whole current situation, and I believe that.
So we went out to a club - mind you, it's a gay club. It's for anyone, really, but it's called "The Gay 90s," and we started dancing, and she was really quite touchy-feely. It really felt to me like she was inviting me to touch her in a way that surprised even me. We've been to that club before with more people, and she's danced with me like that before.
I really wouldn't have thought anything of it if she hadn't of told me about her current situation. I guess what led me to think that was the fact that when we would walk from the dance floor to where the show was going on upstairs, we would try not to get separated from each other with how crowded it was, and she would kind take her hand and like slide it down the small of my back briefly or gently touch my arm in a way that almost made me feel like she was inviting me to do the same to her. And that is something she has never done before, until we went into that whole discussion of her sexuality and mine.
When we would dance, there was no space between us. She would turn me around and pull my body against hers so that I was grinding up against her; she would put her hands on my hips and move them so that they were on the front of my thighs. At one point, she was dancing with me and I had my back to the wall, just dancing, and she pushed herself against me so that I was caught between her and the wall. I reciprocated those actions to see whether she was okay with it or whether I should back off and watch my limits, but she seemed completely comfortable with it.
There are platforms you can get onto and dance, and I sat up on one of these platforms halfway and she started dancing with me so I was going backwards, like almost laying on the platform, with her on top of me. And honestly, I couldn't tell if she was just being playful or serious.
I don't think she's gay; I think she might be attracted to girls on occasion, but I guess I just wonder what her feelings towards me are - if this was just her trying to have fun, or if she is physically attracted to me...
I need your thoughts, people.
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Comments (20)
Sounds like she's very into you. If you and your boyfriend don't work out, I'd give her the opportunity to date you. As long as you're comfortable with that, anyway.
agreed!^
You should cheat on your boyfriend and go out with her at the same time.
I believe it's possible that she's attracted to you, but likely confused about her own feelings. Even though it may at first seem a bit awkward, I think it's worth a shot. It's likely by telling you her situation, she was hinting towards you. A lot of people do that.
@methodElevated@xanga - Agreed.
If she already danced with you like that before she confessed to you, maybe you just noticed it more this time around. But as for the other things that she haven't done, maybe she thinks you are comfortable with the way she dances around you because you also confess to her that you do think other girls are attractive and it might give her the impression that you approve and don't mind what she's doing.
It's fine to be attracted or comfortable around a friend but when you start to get emotionally involved with them, that's another story.
i don't really know what to think. Its possible that she is comfortable talking with you, so she might be more comfortable exploring that realm. If it is something that is really on your mind I suggest sitting down and simply talking to her about it.
P.S yay for the 90's!
i say you just give it a try and see how it goes. try spending alone time together just watching a movie or something and see what happens then. but remember to let happen what ever does happen. dont try to make things happen and dont try to stop things when your little shoulder angel thing says no. Just be yourself and see if it takes you places.
hmm...im sure if you're such good friends it would be extremely hard to just ask her, but I dont really see any other way to find out what you want to know unless you confront the situation?
I think she digs you. The question is, are you attracted to her?
She might be accepting of your sexuality, but she might be trying to fight her own while being conscious of it. Does that make sense, or am I speaking in circles? It sounds like she's trying to test the waters and see whether or not she's okay with being attracted to women. It also sounds like she's equally attracted to women in both physical and emotional aspects. The best way to figure this out is to talk to her about it, obviously, haha. If you're the only one who knows about her situation, I'm sure it wouldn't be a tragic event if you did ask her. Good luck!
Wow. Descriptive much? Seems like you enjoy the sexual tension.
I do have a couple questions though (just like some people on here)
One, are you attracted to her?
Two, have you spoken to her about how she feels about you?
After you told her about your bi-tendencies, she probably didn't stop thinking about it. In fact, it probably gotten her curious about girls in general. Of course, she feels like she could relate to you since you guys have opened that door to each other.
What's more important is.. if you do find out that she's interested in you as more than a friend, it's really up to you to determine the friendship because sometimes crushes on friends can change a relationship. I hope you can find that balance, good luck!
She was having fun... I don't think she's homosexual, just wants to 'explore and try new things'...
Some girls might feel attracted to other women without being gay, it's a physical attraction, not sexual...
If u think u'd do anything sexual with a girl, then u should break up with ur current bf... Unless u like men as well...
you should give her a chance, sounds like she's attracted to you in some way. i know how you feel since one of my friends told me about the way i treated her and well now she's attracted to me or something.. so hey if you and your boyfriend don't work out, maybe give her a chance and see what it's like?
maybe she's using you as a test dummy. you are her best friend and she trusts you, and since you came out maybe she's doing what you've thought of doing but like you said you never thought you could do. you're both just coming out about your sexuality though, i think you're more bi and she's more lesbo. since you two are the best of friends why don't you talk about it, at least you know where each other has been.
i don't know if she's attracted to you, like you said you two have danced that way before, you're prolly just paranoid.
i honestly have a raging hard on now. to answer your question, here's what you should do... fuck her, video tape the whole thing, and share it with us all.
Since she told you about this woman she works with who she is emotionally attracted to, maybe you should ask her if she needs someone to talk to about that situation. She may be confused about her feelings and has no one to talk with. That is why she mentioned it to you. If that is the case, I'm sure the conversation will eventually lead to her feelings about other woman, her feelings about you and your feelings about her. I'd give it a try if I were you. (And let us know the results.)
Even if she doesn't swing that way, she is most likely attracted to you.
I think most of us are like that. Even though we know our sexual orientation, we find at least one person that can be an exception.
I know I'm straight, but I had a crush on this one girl in middle school (I labeled myself bi after this but I discovered that I didn't like any other girls).
Hm, I don't know really.
I think she's just playing with you, but at some point, it kinda looks like she's into you.