Thursday, 09 April 2009
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Is It Naive To Think My Ex and I Will Get Back Together?
I dated this guy for a little over two years. Even though we were young, we were head over heels in love, and we both knew it immediately. I don't believe in love at first sight, but we were the closest thing to it. We had incredible chemistry, we were always honest with each other and we were almost always happy. Even after two years, we still acted like we had just fallen in love. We had a few issues, of course, but we always worked through them as a couple. We were my idea of a perfect couple.Perfect things never last though...
He ended up kissing one of his ex girlfriends and lied to me about it. He also was going through a very rough time emotionally. I was going to be leaving for college in about six months anyway, and he needed time to find himself and figure out what he wanted in life. I understood that and we remain very close, three months later. The problem is that we still love each other and we tell each other so. We've had sex a few times. We still give each other those adoring looks that are all mushy and uncomfortable for those people around us. Being separated has just made us want to be together even more.
But still...he has started smoking, drinking and just hanging out with the "bad" crowd. He hates that he does these things, but right now he is suffering from depression and he has been extremely upset about us breaking up (those are his excuses, anyway). Personally, I think that he is just a teenage boy and he hadn't really been able to be one when he was with me - I am not comfortable with those things and now he is rebelling. His doing these things has also really been upsetting to me because I hate to see him wasting his life and doing things that just make him unhappier.
So right now we both know that we cannot be together. He has to work through his problems and figure out what he wants in his life. I am going to college and don't want to be tied down by having a boyfriend back home. Yet...neither of us wants to be with anyone else...we love each other still.
Is it naive to think that we will get back together later, maybe five or six years from now? Are we just prolonging the pain of breaking up by still semi-seeing each other?
All of our friends tell us that we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore, and I definitely see their point because we aren't together anymore. But still....I can't just "forget" that I love him, and seemingly, neither can he.
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About the Author
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- From: cha_chi_loves_roxy@xanga
- About Me: My name is Erin. I am a sophomore at UH, and I LOVE ballet. I enjoy being on the UH varsity softball team, and of course i adore my amazingly awesome friends.
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Comments (30)
yes it is. your x is your x for a reason.
Feelings rarely last that long. You'll both meet new people in that time. Unless you both change and follow the same path, it's unlikely that you'll be in love again. It's always a possibility, but don't count on it.
I agree with TruthNeverTold.
Since you guys are far away from each other, you'll meet new people.
He already kissed someone else, so you can see that he is able to move on. Some people take longer times.
Not seeing each other will HELP you get over him, don't talk to him as much.
It could happen, but don't put all your hope into it.
Cuz when it doesn't happen, you'll be more hurt than you were before.
I wonder the same thing. Find me on xanga in a few years and let me know about your thing. I have no idea how it could happen, but I know my ex loves me still. I think I love him sometimes too. At least when he's not being a drunk prick.
Okay, so you're saying that his excuse for kissing one of his ex's is that he's going through emotional turmoil? I've been depressed before too, but I didn't kiss anybody that I wasn't supposed to. His excuse for getting drunk and smoking is that he's depressed? I've seen many people, including myself, go through emotional issues without doing that. These are excuses. Nothing more. I'm sure that if he had sex with some random girl, it'd be due to his depression. I'm sure that if he got addicted to meth, it'd be due to his depression. I'm sure that if he got Peggy Sue over there pregnant, it'd be due to his depression.
Here's the deal: When somebody does something destructive, they're getting something out of it. He acts like him drinking and smoking is horrible and he hates it, yet he continues to do it. If he hates it so bad, why does he continue to do it? If it's that horrible, why doesn't he stop? If he knows it bothers you, why doesn't he stop? He's getting something out of drinking. He's getting something out of smoking. He's getting something out of all of these things that are "making him more miserable."
Some people self medicate. Many people become life long alcoholics because they're self medicating. Rather than getting actual help for their problems, they get a bottle of vodka instead. Maybe he's doing that - in which case he needs to seek therapy or actual help before he goes over into the 100% alcoholic zone. That's a lot harder to get out of.
He's either self medicating or he's just making up excuses. No matter what, he's getting something out of drinking and smoking.
He kissed a girl, he lied to you about it, he made an excuse for his actions; you accepted the excuse. That's a green light for cheating in the future. I'm not saying that he'd be a cheater for sure, but I guarantee it's in the back of his mind that he could tell you, "Oh God, I was so depressed." and you'd buy it, get over it, and move on.
I think it is naive for you to think that, without a doubt, the two of you could succeed in a relationship. As the first commenter said, he's an ex for a reason. The boy that you're so in love with has a whole lot that he needs to work through, including his obvious inclination to cheat and use his "depression" as an excuse. Maybe you two could work out, but seriously, I think it'd be in your best interest to try and move on rather than wait on him.
For your own sake, you may wanna try telling yourself that you won't, just so you can try to move on from it. If you get your hopes up, you might be disappointed. That's just my pessimistic view on things, though, ahah.
five or six years from now, i doubt you'll even remember his name.
this sounds pretty much exactly my situation.
it can happen. cause maybe you just met him at the wrong time. young and inlove. give each other sometime. and if things do work out. then well, they just do. you never know. just try it out. cause it seems like there really isnt anything else to do.
@beetunes@xanga - what the heck? you crazy. she loves the guy and was with him for a couple of yrs already. how can she forget his name? thats just cruel. if it was some fling. then yeah she would probably forget it.
I don't think you should give up so easily on what you two have. I know the distance might be hard with you going to college, but if you truly love him.. and vice versa, you two would do everything in your power to preserve what you have.
But if you are willing to just let something beautiful go, then perhaps you didn't really love him as much as you thought you did. If that is the case, then stop seeing him. There are other men out there..and it's obvious you don't want to wait for him.
You're young, you'll meet other people!
Well...look at this way... if you are both not seeing anyone in 5 years, you can rebuild your relationship.
However...he should get his act together, and his health straightened out. Bad behavior is not an excuse.
Also, you shouldn't put your life on hold for him, anymore than he should put his life on hold for you...
Don't miss opportunities you may have in College, "because you don't want a boyfriend back home."
Good luck !
just go on with your life. Live your life to the fullest to the way YOU want it to be, if five or six years from now you guys get back together, then great. But right now, stop worrying about what might or might not be happening in the future. Just live life.
First of all, no, you will probably not end up with him in 5 or 6 years. You might, but chances are that you won't.
Plus, if you did end up with him, would you really want to? As someone already mentionned, your ex is your ex for a reason. If it didn't work the first time, it probably won't work the second time. Also, people change with time so your feelings might be different in 5 or 6 years.
You'll meet new people, don't worry. It's for the best to leave him behind.
But if you two are willing to make it work, talk. Though his partying ways makes me wonder and think twice about it.
It's not naive to think that you two might get back together later down the road but chances are, it might not happen the way you want it to happen. But still, don't let him tied you down on your life and the things you want to do with or without him. Enjoy life and see where the road takes you.
If he wants to be with you, he will work on his problems - not prolong it and use it as excuses. In the mean time, move on. Whenever he's ready, he'll find you. But don't turn down other opportunities for him either.
i wouldn't say it's impossible you'll get back together again, but i wouldn't count on it. the bottom line is you're going to have to live your life and he'll have to live his and if they merge again in the future, great. if not, you'll find someone else.
i'm confused as to what "broken up" means to you, though. you're still talking, saying you love each other, having sex, and being "mushy" with each other in public. do you do that with all of the people you're not dating? how is this different from your previous relationship other than by title? just curious.
also, if i were you i'd delve a bit deeper into this whole "kissing his ex and lying about it" thing. that is NOT ok no matter what the circumstances were. it could be your relationship is doomed based on that alone. what was he thinking?!?
:)
Your probably setting yourself up for more heartbreak.. although I could be wrong.. good luck with whatever you choose to do.
@babyblue5201314@xanga - i
completely agree with that statement. truth be told my ex and i broke
up last year, and she ended up getting back with her first ex
boyfriend. it can happen, but just let time take its course, and dont
use all your energy worrying about what's currently happening
@babyblue5201314@xanga - i completely agree with that statement. truth be told my ex and i broke up last year, and she ended up getting back with her first ex boyfriend. it can happen, but just let time take its course, and dont use all your energy worrying about what's currently happening
@fugita@xanga - EXACTLY! Two people break up, there had to be a reason for it.
Poster: You weren't looking when somebody slipped a nostalgia narcotic in your Whiskey!
The experience of a first love does that often. I'm willing to bet that even after all is said and done, lovers keep that first time in their mind. Odds are you two may get back together; but probably for not the right reasons (good sex alone isn't gonna cut it). He's on a downward spiral and you both are drunk from Nostalgia because you two probably didn't give each other proper closure.
However, since you're both semi-seeing each other, the question to really ask yourself is: "Are you two really done with each other?" While you claim that you two broke up, you sure as hell don't act like you two did. Answer that question and things should clear up a bit more.
It's hard to let something good go, but sometimes you have to.
Fuck that bullshit. I am sorry, but it's just bunch of bullshit.
If you guys broke up on bad terms, fine. I get it, then there's no point of getting back together. But if not, why not?
If you want it, grab it. It's gonna slip away if you don't hold onto your chance. If you know he's the right guy, if you know you guys really do love each other and know you guys can work it out, then do it. What are you waiting for? What harm could there be?
Let me tell you something, he and I broke up after two years of being together. He said the same thing he need to find what he wanna do etc etc. I held onto it. After couple months of separation we're back together again. Why? Because I made the first move, I called him. I told him I really missed him and I know we can make this work this time. Because "through better or worse."
If it's yours it'll always be yours.
If you don't even try, it'll NEVER be yours.
@beetunes@xanga - Couldn't agree more.