Thursday, 09 April 2009
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Making Sacrifices in Relationships
Many people sacrifice a bit (or a little more than a bit) of their own happiness out of selflessness so that their SO can have his/her own happiness. Knowing that something will make someone we love so much happy means a lot of personal hurt and pride taken out. But how much is too much?
Think about your most recent relationship and what you've given up for your BF/GF. How much of your happiness have you sacrificed? What was it that you did, and for what exactly did you sacrifice your personal happiness?
In the end, was it worth it?
I ask this out of curiosity.
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- From: notjustanothergirl
- Name: notjustanothergirl
- About Me: Writing, reading, sketching, drawing, photography...I'm artsy. My art is what helps express my thoughts and feelings a little more easier than spoken words. Art is my passion. My closest friends are have become the family I've needed. They are the greatest art I've been able to have had helped create and received.
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Comments (41)
I have sacrificed for my beau, and I'm happier than before the sacrifice.
I thought that when you do things for your SO to make them happy, that you're supposed to be happy because A) You done something out of kindness and B) You made someone that you really love happy. So how can you be sacrificing your own happiness?
In a relationship, if it's healthy, both people are supposed to "sacrifice" things for one another. He'll give up game night to hang with her, she'll give up her sunday shopping to do something for him. The list goes on and on, and it goes from simple things like those to way bigger things. If it's a healthy relationship, in my opinion, they'll both be giving into the relationship, to their SO. They won't be sacrificing happiness.
So, considering that I've never been in a hell-like relationship for long, I can easily say that I've never sacrificed a thing.
i don't mean to sound conceited, but i have given up a lot for my boyfriend. he has done plenty of things that has hurt me and i've always brought it up to him, telling him that it bugs me. (for example: talking sex to other girls, being touchy with them)
he tells me he would change, but he hasn't. he's still doing it. everytime he tells me that i do something that bugs him, i try to
change it or stop it. however , it's not the same on his case.
and as much as it hurts me, i try to ignore it, and leave it aside.
all of my friends tell me that it's hurting my health, but i love him. it's all sacrifice, it's all part of a relationship.
and whether it's all worth it, i don't know, i'm still in this relationship. and every now and then he'll hurt me, over and over again.
For my last SO, i've sacrificed alot of time to spend with him, when most of that time was usually for family or just time to myself. He thought our relationship was healthy and i thought the opposite, however i did not tell him and usually agreed to whatever he wanted to hear in order to please him. In the end it didn't work out, because i know i wasn't happy with him, so my sacrifices were meaningless and a waste of time. But however i learnt after the relationship that i should go easy on myself and don't sacrifice too much of my own personal happiness when it doesn't neccesary make me happy to start with!
There's a helthy amount and then there's an unhealthy amount. If it starts hurting you more often than just a once in a while case, then maybe it's time to reconsider the relationship. After reading some of your previous posts, it's really time for you to reconsider yours. Try talking to him once in a while. Overtime, if nothing has changed or gets worse, then maybe you really should end it.
@super_retarded_dork@xanga - If you tell him but nothing has changed maybe you should really reconsider your relationship. If the things you put up with keeps hurting you and he know's you'll always let it slip, he'll take advantage of it. That's exactly what he's doing. So maybe calling it quits should be considered. Luck to you.
Relationships are all about sacrifices. Some big, some small. Some make the relationship better and so they were worth it, others not so much.
I have to sacrifice a lot in my relationship, but I think anyone with a loved one going into the military must.
But it is so worth it. Not only for me, but for my country too.
My boyfriend stopped smoking pot when we started dating. He has admitted to slipping up once or twice and he tells me whenever he feels tempted, but for the most part, he is done. (He used to smoke multiple times a day and he knew I was uncomfortable with it.) I stopped talking to my ex because my boyfriend asked me to. I was a little unhappy about it at first, because I felt like my boyfriend was being unfair, but I realized he made a point. My ex was open about how he still had feelings for me and I relished the attention. It was unhealthy all around. I cut out the small talk with my ex and now I could care less if I ever spoke to him again because me and my boyfriend are better than ever.
A good post. A sacrifice is a must in a relationship.
John 15:13- "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his
friends"
I don't really sacrifice anything for my SO. I "sacrifice" things to better myself for the result of making my SO happier.
I stopped smoking (everything). I stopped wasting time (now I'm extremely productive). And maybe the biggest "sacrifice" is the time spent txting back and forth (LDR), but I'm so happy when we're "talking" that it's no sacrifice.
I sacrifice a lot of my time to be with him. I know he can do so much, but he's so lazy. And he doesn't have goals or the willpower to fulfill his accomplishments. Everytime I try to talk to him, it goes over his head. I wish he'd sacrifice more for our relationship. I don't think he sees the future as a problem, whereas I see a lot of problems if he can't even do things right currently, then how will we survive?
Not at all.
I don't know if its worth it yet. I hope it is..but sometimes I feel its a one way street.
i believe that it is a give and take issue. sometimes u give, he take.sometimes he give, u take.
of cos, ultimately it brings u to "appreciating what the person has done for you".
the person must appreciates and acknowledge whatever sacrifice u do.else every sacrifice u made is turn into meaningless.
i dont know if its really sacrificing, but im the type that doesn't tell the bf if i am upset, either he knows im upset or i just dont tell him and pretend everything is ok.
i dont look through his phone when im curious, i dont ask where and who hes going out with when im curious... i guess im just the type that doesn't want to ask and don't want to tell... when deep down inside i really do want to know and want to tell just to the calm-ness remains! :)
i jz wanna make him happy....no matter what...if i wrong, i will keep saying sorry and forgive me...i just dont want him to mad at me...and i didnt do the stuff he doesnt like...so is this a sacrifice??
i think "sacrifice" is almost a bad word. while dating my most recent ex i didn't feel like i was sacrificing anything at all. after she broke it off and said some things that may have in fact hurt me, sometimes it can feel like i sacrificed a lot. but as much as things are frustrating and confusing, whether the love was real or not you can never fully blame the other person because you've got a brain, even if you think it was manipulated and poisoned, it's your responsibility to use it an take accountability for your actions.
hm, so, the actual question, did i make sacrifices? guess so. was it worth it? doesn't seem like it now.
I'm in the midst of deciding that very question. How much am I willing to give to be with the man who makes my heart smile? I think I am a little scared of my own answer.
Relationships are all about sacrifices. Some good, some bad, some big and some small. Gotta do a bit of give and take in my opinion.
In my current relationship, we've both sacrificed a bit. Finances, family time, etc. It's not bad by any means. When you sacrifice the good comes to both people.
I sacrificed too much for my ex. Only because he wasn't sacrificing much for me. I think it has to be equal. Or at least close to it. My current boyfriend and I are much more balanced. And much happier.
I've sacrificed a lot of my alone time for him, which is okay, because I can still get alone time if I need it, I just have to ask him for it.
i've sarcrificed and I'm happy with it. It had made him happy and that's what I inteded to do :)
My boy & i went thru many big-decision making times in our relationship.. he gave up a great job opportunity & his masters to join me in Hong Kong .... & then i gave up working in Hong Kong to move back to Singapore coz he found a better job here than Hong Kong.
& now that i'm happily settled back here in Singapore with my ideal job, he took up an awesome opportunity in Rotterdam.. So now i'm back to wondering should i give up my years of hard work to get my ass over to Rotterdam.. be it getting my masters, or just making dinners for him.
I've been thinking for over a mth since he left 1st March. our current arrangement of meeting once a month is tiring & the 12 hour flight for just a long weekend in boring Rotterdam doesnt make it any better.. ..Who said being in luv is easy??
@super_retarded_dork@xanga - um, it's NOT part of a relationship to be cheated on and look the other way time and time again. it's not worth it, and it's not healthy. honestly it sounds like you have a victim complex (you get your validation from "sacrificing" unnecessarily to your SO and the more you let him mistreat you, oddly, the better you feel about yourself because somehow this seems to you as if you are working hard and giving into a relationship not for the "selfish" reasons of having that work reciprocated but because you're just that "strong" of a person...the joy of being seen as a martyr is probably what makes you feel special). his treatment of you borders on abuse.
a healthy relationship with the right person is one where you both look out for one another's happiness above your own (and in this way you don't feel oppressed or like you're giving up your own happiness because each person is being taken care of by the other). a good relationship takes work but should NOT feel like a job. you should love being with/giving to that person and they should feel the same way about you.
:)
@Z - thanks. i know i have alot of thinking to do. i appreciate the advice.
@follow_home@xanga - thanks for the advice.