Wednesday, 08 April 2009
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Relationship Status And Insecurity
My suitemate got into an argument with her boyfriend last night because she put up a picture of them together up on Facebook. The boy said that while others know that he's in a relationship, he doesn't necessarily want to make it officially known; he wants to still be enigmatic. He thinks that if he puts up a picture of himself with his girlfriend, it will hinder his ability to meet new people (men and women alike, not for dating purposes) because their first impression of him will be worse; in other words, he thinks he'll be unapproachable. By his logic, he tries to justify why he would never wear a ring after marriage; he thinks that people will see him as less approachable and will lose interest in him. I asked a bunch of other people what they thought of this and they all found it to be ridiculous.
For one, he sounds very insecure. In learning about his past and his past experiences, I can safely say that he is insecure about how others see him. For another, most people don't judge you based on your relationship; you can be completely independent and still be your own person while having an SO. Another thought that we had was, just how many people are gonna add him on Facebook at random? Most people add you after already meeting you in real life, therefore already gaining this first impression.
Also, technically in knowing that you're in a relationship, you might actually get more people talking to you. Members of the opposite sex don't have to worry about you hitting on them or liking them, so they're more inclined to talk to you and be more open about it. Also, people like meeting those who are ab le to commit to things, especially employers; if anything, you should wear a wedding ring (if you're a man) to interviews because it shows that you don't have a problem committing to things. In the case of women, studies show it's more beneficial not to wear a wedding ring because they assume that you'll be trying to make babies and need maternity leave. The way the world works can be ridiculous at times, but this is still the way it works.
What do you make of his obvious insecurities? Ever meet anyone who had similar logic?
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- From: lovechartreuse@xanga
- About Me: whether you love me or hate me, its still an obsession.
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Comments (41)
I think he needs to man up &lose that insecurity. No girl will love you if you don't want to display it, especially if you want your relationship to be on the "down low". Not gonna work like that, the relationship will just go downhill.
My bestfriend's ex was like that. He didn't want their relationship to be known AT ALL. Long story short, my bestfriend dumped his ass and found a better guy :)
the real reason is he wants his cake and eat it too. he is a player and if he is showing he is taken the he can not still play the field.
.... he's lying.
Having a girlfriend wouldn't make you unapproachable to anyone who was truly looking just for friendship. Yes, it might cut down on all the single ladies you might attract, but.... you have a girlfriend.
@buddy71@xanga - Yeah, I'm leaning more on this too. He wants it all and she needs to dump him soon before he gets any worse.
wow I would be soooo pissed if my boyfriend said that, it would make me question the relationship entirely. If someone loves you and is happy to be with you, they won't care about what others think about them, they should want to show the world who they are with. I don't know, it sounds really weird from his part
@ELIZerson@xanga -
"It's never official 'til it's on facebook"
WTH.
I'd rather have people know since then it would be less reason to have to go through the awkward interactions of being available or not available.
@Michelynne@xanga - Unless you're hiding it from certain people both the couple are friends with, right?
@buddy71@xanga - I agree.
He does sound like a player.
@naguyin@xanga - haha, exactly. obviously facebook isn't important, but it certainly says something about a relationship if one party isn't willing to at least admit it!
if he cares that much about his facebook online reputation, the your suitemate needs to re-evaulate their relationship. maybe he talks to a lot of random hot girls and fears losing that type of attention. he wants to be in a relationship yet can't let go of the excitement of knowing that he is still desirable to the opposite sex since some might hesitate to leave a comment if they know that he is taken.
@ELIZerson@xanga - I agree with you on that one. :)
I would NEVER date someone like that, now thats rediculous. He is way to imature for a relationship right now. The way he thinks makes him seem more less of a man. how sad eh? If i was her i would soooo break up with him and asap. she deserves way more then that.
His logic is a bit better than the "logic" I've heard before. But I also don't buy it. Most guys say they don't want to be exclusive because they still want to sleep around. This guy just sounds really insecure, and he cares too much about what other people think. Too bad for him, he should get over that.
I think you're on to something though, when you say being in a relationship makes you more approachable. I hadn't thought about that, but it's pretty true. The awkwardness of meeting a person of the opposite sex disappears when you're taken!
Sounds like he wants it to be a secret, or make it so he's not officially unavailable. I wouldn't think this guy is worth my time, if he's not willing to be with me and have people know about it.
That's actually really ridiculous. I have a feeling he has other intentions for not putting up pictures and statuses. It's so absurd. Since when do people judge others because they're in a relationship or not? And if people are talking to you just because you don't have a girlfriend, well then they're not talking to you just to be your friend anyway. So they need to know that you've got a girl!
Guys are so sketchy sometimes...
@Michelynne@xanga - sad but true
i actually agree with him. i'm more likely to cultivate a friendship with a single person than one in a relationship because they're generally more reliable and more available.
as for me, i wouldnt' wear a ring for a different reason though...not of western descent => not wearing a ring after marriage.
the guy is full of shit, ditch him already!
Does he REALLY love his girlfriend?
He is selfish.Â
He uses those excuses as the reasoning behind his delusional concept that others don't look at people in relationships in the same light as singles?ÂHe has a point. Â I mean of course, people won't try to date you if they see you are in a relationship. Â duh. That would be the only way they look at your status in a different light. Â
If he doesn't want others to know he is in a relationship then he should just not be in one. Â Dont use excuse that people judge you differently. Â He is just a jerk. I only appreicate people's reasonings when they are honest and don't use lame excuses. Â
I think he has security and commitment issues. My ex had the same problem--it took him a LONG time to actually put up a picture of us, and two years after our relationship started he still had a relationship status of "it's complicated" (even though at that time it was not complicated at all). He told me he was just "lazy," but of course he wasn't too lazy to take down the "complicated" status and switch it to "single" not too long after we broke up. And he had an online dating account, and throughout our relationship he still had a status of "single"...while I was on the same site, I was "in a relationship" and basically told every single guy that messaged me I was taken.
Haha, if you put it in this light he actually sounds pretty awful. Um..
Relationships don't necessarily make you more approachable. I've found that when my guy friends are involved with someone they spend less time with our other friends and myself. Some people view relationships as a burden because it really consumes all the time they would otherwise have spent with their friends.
Sounds fishy and his reasoning is stupid.