Wednesday, 08 April 2009
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How Do I Tell My Online BF I Don't Think Our LDR Will Work?
My boyfriend "Simon" and I met on a website called World Wide Asianz. The website is for Asians and others who like the Asian culture to talk and to have fun...it's like MySpace or Facebook. He added me and we started talking on March 30th. After about three days of talking, he asked me to go out with him. Of course, that took him a lot of convincing in order for me to agree. So we were officially a couple on April 3rd.
Even though I've never been in a relationship prior to this one, I felt that it was way too fast, but of course I was happy enough to meet such a nice guy. We have been webcamming since day one, and recently he has also been calling me via land line. We stay up late talking and whatnot.
Only one hour into the relationship, there was a problem. Two other guys from WWA also talked to me, saying that they are worried about me and that Simon is a creeper and. Now, these guys are pretty nice about everything, so I believed them, and then I confronted Simon the next day. When I confronted him, he did deny it, but I also found out that those two other guys tend to gossip whenever there is a threat to their popularity with the girls on the website, so in the end, I chose to trust in Simon. This is also a long distance relationship because he lives in another country. I've never met him in person before, but he seems to be really nice and kind.
Long story short, he calls me his "heaven on earth" and says I'm like an angel to him. I was really touched when he said that and feel even worse each time because I don't feel like I like this guy as a boyfriend; he feels more like a brother to me. But then I am still not completely trusting him because at times I feel like the only reason he asked me out was because he wanted a girlfriend!
Another problem is that he keeps bringing up the topic of sex. He said that if I can visit him, then we should do it because who knows when we'll get to be together again. He says wants to be with me forever. And I dunno, is that just sweet talk or what? He told me that we can do whatever I want and he's not pressuring me to do anything I don't want because he knows that this is my first relationship ever, yet he keeps pushing the topic until I agree.
He trusts me completely, and he has even told me that I can ask him whatever I want and he will answer me truthfully. I've even talked to his friends, and they seem to think that he's a nice guy. Am I thinking too much? I'm scared and I don't know what to do or who to talk to.
He has promised me, though, that no matter what happens, we will be friends and that he won't hate me if I do leave him. I feel like this LDR is not going to work. It's already been a week and I'm still having doubts and now I feel like I'm ready to end this relationship.
Please help me! I don't know what to do! Should I trust my instincts and break it off, or should I stay in this relationship? My mom doesn't even know about this but she would KILL me if she found out.
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- From: kanga
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Comments (95)
those kind of relationships are actually harder to drop then your average person would assume. just be completely open about all of this with him. thats really the only way. no shadyness. it hurts just as bad for some people. especially if the relationship felt real.
it bothers me to read that he keeps after you about something until you give in. this is not good to me. i would say if you feel uncomfortable then there is a reason for it and back off now before it goes any further. it seems to have gone very fast from just web buddies to him wanting you to visit. whats next, cyber/web cam sex? go now.
@buddy71@xanga - I agree 100%.
The guy sounds like a creep, especially if he's somewhat pressuring you into sex. I think you should get out while you can.
Trust your instincts. ALWAYS.
I would break it off with him. It seems like you're subconscious is giving you more than a few reasons to doubt this relationship and I would heed those. Most definitely.
Less than 1 week and he's talking about sex? Any hint of creepiness should be followed. Don't take the risk, especially when you're not even interested.
One week and he's already after sex?
I think you already know the answer to your question.
he's desperate for sex and will smooth talk his way into naive online girls' hearts to get what he wants even if it means flying across the country. change your instant messenger screen name, delete your profile and stop giving this perv more opportunities to spit his game. you don't even have to email him to explain why; be more careful of this type of shady chat behavior and if you encounter another creep like this, simply don't respond/ignore or block them unless cybering is your thing but I'd keep it as purely an online relationship instead of meeting them. he may seem nice and have his friends vouch for him, but talking about sex so quickly and so easily using the "forever" word means exactly what your instincts think it means-his emotional manipulation is after physical intentions.
It's way too soon for him to pressure you into anything, all the while, it being sex. I think you should tell him off and leave this "relationship". As good as it may have been in the beginning, it's a bit dangerous if you ask me. The thought of it just tells me he's a big creeper. Be careful!
DEFINITELY break up!
My kid sister met a guy online and they dated each other for almost a year. They never in person. At the end, she broke up with him because he wasn't putting effort into the relationship and he turned into a psychotic person. He stalked her, harassed her via online and phone, threaten to kill himself, etc.
The point is, if you ain't feeling him - let him go. It's just been a week and you already have doubts. Don't dread it or else, he might be like my kid sister's ex. Plus, he shouldn't be talking about sex with you, anyways, until you two are in a committed relationship.
I'm not saying all people you met online are psychotic or creeps after the relationship ended, but some are.
You need to get rid of this guy, & fast. He wants you for the wrong reasons.
The best way is to say, it's okay if he wants to write you, but due to other things going on in your life, you won't be able to respond as much, if at all. He will feel you are being considerate. Under no circumstances should you write back to him again, though. There are way too many warning flags here.
This guy sounds kinda freakish.
Listen, if you don't think it will work then just tell him straight out. These things do come back to haunt you, trust me. If you're feeling uneasy now then this feeling will probably grow until you cant take it and lash out.
Honesty is the best policy in most cases. This is one of them.
you're such a loser. sorry if i'm too blunt but you shouldn't be on that website in the first place.
"threat to their popularity"? WTF is that...you want to deal with internet drama?
you had it coming when you made it official on April 3rd.
there are creepers on the internet and you shouldn't go around dating ppl on the internet...and if this mtfk won't leave you alone then just block his ass.
seriously babe, internet dating won't get you anywhere..especially in another country.
not only dating but you also have trust issues...and lots of fraud!
grow some balls and start talking to ppl irl...then maybe you might get to meet your knight in shining armor.
If your instincts tell you that this relationship was rushed and that it won't work, trust those instincts. :\ This guy sounds like he's after you for the wrong reasons and will sweet talk you till he gets what he wants. :\ Get out while you still can and avoid him completely.
ummm yea, it is just sweet talk.
It seems as though he gravitated toward you with the wrong inentions, even though he's nice. Simply ask that he doesn't call anymore, but say you can talk online as friends. That way he'll find somebody else to bug.
lmao, he is creepy.
Don't meet people online unless you have to. You can gauge people a bit better in real life.
lol... T-T
I would say break up, but that's me.
If he's over 18, check for a criminal record. It's easily accessible on any county clerk of court/clerk of municipal court. Asking for sex so soon without even meeting is a tad creepy, so see if he's got any history as a sexual offender.
(I'm always checking out people's histories this way, I'm a little creepy but at least it's something I'll know about.)
if he's talking about sex before he says he loves you, something is wrong (in my opinion).
trust your instincts, though. i mean, he asked you out after three days of speaking + now he's talking about sex until you agree. do what you think is right.
Um, are you an idiot? Or are the people on Xanga too nice?
Everything about him that you've said screams CREEP.
Seriously? Asking to go out after "meeting" you for a day?
Asking about sex within a week?
It's relatively harmless since you said he lives in another country, but how exactly do you know that?
I'd be very careful about giving any of my information out.
Be safe.
I don't even think that should be considered a real relationship anyway. I think he's just desperate...not for a relationship either. I think he is really in it just for sex. I mean, He said he wouldn't pressure you into doing things that you didn't want, but he WAS pressuring you already...and you didn't even meet him yet!!! He sound manipulative, and you should run in the other direction, fast too!
There's nothing wrong with online relationships, but keep away from anyone who makes you uneasy. Online or off, relationships would be built on love and trust. You clearly cannot trust him...so at least trust your instinct. Good luck~
How many red flags does it take, woman?
1. You're hearing a bad rep
2. He's perpetually asking about sex -- and you haven't even met him
3. You instinctly know this is bad.
4. You ignore the fact that your mom wouldn't approve, when you know that your mom is right.
5. After three days, you became exclusive?
6. You like him like a brother
7. He calls you his "heaven on earth," and he's never met you. How can you believe this???
Seriously. Online relationships are dumb to me in the first place, but this one is off the charts ridiculous. Why are you even involved?
Break it the hell off, before you're kidnapped.