Tuesday, 07 April 2009
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Dating A Repeat Offender
My ex and I started going out when he was a junior in high school and I was a senior. I'm now a freshman at my local community college and he's still in high school. The week before I was graduating from high school, he dumped me because of my insecurities. I was upset, but now that I think of it, it was the best thing for me. It gave me the chance to reorganize myself and my priorities and actually learn to understand what people mean by the quote "you can't love another if you don't know how to love yourself." So two and a half months have passed; he claimed to have wanted to be single when he dumped me, but less than two weeks later, he went out with his ex from 7th grade and that didn't last. After their breakup, he started talking to me again and I instantly fell for him again, only we both tried to lay out the rules. Things were pretty good until he started to develop insecurities of his own about my hanging out with a couple of guys while I'm on campus during breaks in between our classes. We broke up again about a month ago. A week later, he realized he missed me and stupidly, I went back. A lot of hooking up during our "singlehood" went on during this next month.
A couple of days ago, he realized he didn't love me anymore and didn't want to hurt me anymore, so he finally dumped me but hoped we could be friends this time, unlike the first time, when he pushed me completely out of his life. I don't take the bait. Now I'm hurt and I do not want to have anything to do with him at all.
I've realized that he is young still - two years younger than I am - and he needs his time to explore and have fun. I wanted that for him; I offered it to him. He didn't take it and now I'm hurt because he realized what I said was true. I'm really hurt because in my romantic life, I've been all of my exes' first girlfriends and have been dumped by all of them, only to have them come back to me a few months or even a year later. I'm starting to feel unappreciated, and it sucks because I really really gave my all to this guy after a few months. I saw myself with him later on in life, and so did he. Now I'm not sure how much of anything he ever told me was true.
Has anyone ever experienced this? Falling for the same person over and over even though he/she constantly hurts you unintentionally?
Is it wrong that I want to believe that he is probably a good person at heart but is just too young to realize how to appreciate me? Am I just blinded by the qualities I like about him? And what do I do if he ever came back to me again and I still had feelings for him? Any ideas? :/
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- From: trangx89@xanga
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Comments (29)
You're just blinded sweetie.
I've been there before.
But not as bad as you.
Just don't talk to him anymore.
And let time take it's course. And you KNOW not to take him back
So don't =]
As women we tend to blindly believe everything that people say because we want to believe that everybody is good deep down. I've been the first girlfriend only once and it's exhausting. Haha Just take time for yourself and appreciate you. And try to find somebody out there who is more mature and who will truly appreciate you and everything that you do for them. I hope that everything works out for you : )
@emilyd_foster@xanga - I like what you had to say except for the sexist remark about women blindly believing everything people say and the like. Just because it's hopeful doesn't mean it isn't sexist.
Any man who wants to be single and dates the next person is not capable of saying anything worth believing. Translation: yes, you were kind of simple for going back to him, If he dumped you, it is for a good reason, and if he went back, it's for one thing. Hehe! I hate to say it.
@IfIWereAchilles@xanga - I didn't mean it to be sexist, it's just that I've seen more women do that than men. Most of the men I know always second guess everything and tend to be more reserved with believing anything.
He may love u but yeah, maybe he's too young and this cud be 'toxic' for ya, u shud stay away from him if u don't want to get hurt (again)
good luck :)
He's an ex for a reason.
I've been with a guy "on and off" for a whole year. I'm usually the one who breaks up with him and he's the one always coming back and then I ended up giving in. Why? Because I was used to him. The familiarities. Oh those feelings that likes to be turned on and off when I'm with him.
Second chances work but that's only if both parties solved the issues they had beforehand. And getting to know each other all over again is an important step when you feel like you've known him/her for a long time already. Truth is, they're not the same person they were when you were dating him/her xxx amount of time ago.
I would let this one go because it's like a repetitive pattern that keeps repeating itself. Find someone your own age range who share the same common grounds as you. Both of you guys can appreciate one another and explore the world together.
Maybe right now is just not the right time for him to be with you.
been there, done that. cut all ties and wait out the pain. it ends eventually.
just because he doesnt love you anymore doesnt mean he never did.
things just get old/'
Maybe you're too young to know what you want in and for each other. Sometimes things need to pickle before they're ready.
@MissSmartHottie@xanga - Your site is horrifying.
You really shouldn't let him play with your emotions like that. He seems very immature and lacks any idea of what he wants in a relationship. And I doubt he will have a better idea in the near future. You should try to date older guys who go to your college. Get your mind of this boy.
Everyone's got a little bit of truth to what they say..
I hate to say this but there isn't gonna be a textbook answer or "right" thing to do. It's what you feel is right deep down inside of you..
To be honest, I'm kinda in the same boat as you & I'm out in the "real" world.. It's a long story but the boy in my life has walked out on me quite a few times in the past 3 years that we've been together. It was mutual on one occasion but the rest was more him leaving. I believe my boy's problem is that he isn't as mature as he should be. Instead of letting me into his life to support him when he needs me most, he ends up pushing me away. I have stood my ground & I'm continuing to stand my ground. If you believe he's the one, then it makes sense to wait & ride it out but make sure you don't compromise who you are & your standards.. But that doesn't mean to hold yourself back on meeting other people & such. I know it's confusing but I'm hoping it makes some sense. & definitely make sure you stand your ground with him so that you don't end up being a doormat for him 'cause then he'll take advantage of you & you'll keep hurting.
Good luck~ You're not in this alone. :)
*for the record, age is only a number.. It isn't a gauge for how mature you are.. My boy/boyfriend/ex/I dunno what to call him.. he's a good year older than me & he pulled this crap. So college boy or not, it doesn't make a difference to me.
To get to the point, yeah, you're blinded. Just let it go. The feelings for him will eventually fade.
i did that to someone and i felt horrible for doing it. well i KINDA did that. i think if something like that would happen, there's only one guy in mind that can do that to me. =T
He's a boy who doesn't know what he wants. And it's not your job to try and figure it out. He hurt you not once, but twice. It' over. Don't think about "what if he wants to come back," it's better to close that chapter in your life and leave him behind.
i guess if we really like them, I mean, really really like them. Then it would be hard to resist them.
Well, I think you know that you're not going to go back to him or any of the others for a reason. He's an ex... and if you feel this way and they keep doing this to you, I think you should just MOVE ON and find another guy who is worthy.
Well, you said it yourself, he's young and he wants to play. It's not wrong that you realize this. If you honestly believe that he didn't mean to hurt you, then go with that - BUT don't go with that to the point that you'd be willing to take him back at the drop of a hat. If you ever take him back, he's going to have to grow up a whole lot in the meantime.
I think you guys need to take a deep breath and see other people. You might find a guy who appreciates you for the awesome person you are, and he might grow a little on his own and either find somebody else, or maybe later on you two can try it out again. Way later on.
Nothing you're doing is bad, it's human. The last time I checked, it's not bad to be human; that's all any of us are.
Maybe the best thing to do is to cut him out of your life. Maybe it's the best thing to do to keep him out of your life so that you can move on with yours.
@IfIWereAchilles@xanga - I know!! It's creepy!
I've been in this situation for the past 2 years. I don't think in this situation you can take someone elses opinion because when someone tells you to dump him, it's easier said than done. I know that so I think you need to feel this one out for yourself. If you truly think that you two were made for each other, stick with it. Both of you will come to a realization at one point or another that will help you decide what's best for you both. Best of luck to you.
I have been there, unfortunately, I am 25 and he is 28, so that adds a whole extra complication. Its one of those, "i believe it was meant to be" situations... I guess time will tell for us both!