Monday, 06 April 2009
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Why Flirts Are The Way They Are
A couple days ago this theory hit me. The guys joking around with every girl they see or the girl that's being friendly to every guy she sees - why are they acting that way? My theory: Flirts become flirts after they lose someone they truly loved. I came up with this theory after observing some of my notoriously flirty friends.Observation #1: My ex (M) truly loved me. He's acted differently ever since we broke up - it was a change that was quite noticeable to everyone. He started flirting with all these girls, calling them and hanging out with them all with no intentions. M had changed so much that he he's now a well-known flirt. When I met him, he wasn't like this at all. He was a more down-to-earth type of guy and never looked at another girl when he was with me.
Observation #2: My friend is the type of girl that all guys would go for - I'm guessing it's because of her looks. Two years ago she went out with this one guy for almost a year. Things changed and they broke up, but I could tell she still loved him. She had random cases where she would miss him and made it obvious. This year she started meeting all these guys and joked around with them with no intentions - M was one of them!
Observation #3: Personal experience. Yup, I admit it too. I loved one of my other exes, E. He and I had dated for a couple months and he broke it off after we got into an argument a month ago. I can honestly say that I have been flirting with guys recently, but it's mainly to make E jealous. A part of me still loves E, and I guess that's what has caused me to flirt with all these guys that I'm not even attracted to.
I think people turn into flirts after they broke up with someone that they loved a lot. They probably started flirting with others just to make the other person jealous. Eventually it just catches on and that's who they've become, maybe until someone can fill that spot in their hearts where their special someone belonged.
I know my theory might sound crazy, but think about it. Know anyone that's a flirt? Think about his/her last real relationship. Was it a good one? Did it seem like that person loved his/her SO? If you really think about it, you'll agree with me.
Agree? Disagree? Do you have any personal examples?
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Comments (69)
I think flirting builds personal stock, as well. Maybe it's because I'm a guy, but I don't try and manipulate situations socially, so I wouldn't flirt to make my ex jealous. But flirting with women builds self-confidence, and in the midst of a hard break-up, I could see why that might have its appeal.
i try not to lead anybody on. and i've been hurt like that, but that doesn't make me a flirt. i'd think it'd make a person more sheltered to keep from getting hurt again.
..sometimes its just fun.
I agree with you... but then I don't.
I am a pretty big flirt... and sometimes I really don't even notice it... but other girls have. And... I really don't know why I even flirt that much? I just do it because it's fun and it's a way to see if the guy you are flirting with is liking it and flirting back. I don't know... I probably do it because I'm self-conscious and knowing that a guy is paying attention to me makes me feel better. And also... I have never been in a serious relationship... so maybe I'm the other way around? Maybe I flirt so much because I have not been in a long-term relationship or have never fell in love? haha... maybe your theory should be both ways! lol.
I "lost" someone that I really liked once.
It did quite the opposite to me.
I find this true too...
I can't really agree or disagree with you... I'm not sure my ex is flirting with other girls since he moved 3000 miles away. Even if he was, I don't think I would find out until much, much later because 1) we dont talk 2) we havent for the past 5 months. Quite honestly, I don't care what he does because there's no chance of us getting back together.. friends is all we could be.
Disagreed. Some people are just big flirts regardless if they have their hearts broken or not.
Mm, maybe for a handful of people, or even a majority of people if we look close enough. But some people are really just born that way. They're carefree, charismatic, and flirtatious even when they're living the cootie era.
I think people flirt for many reasons - trying to fill a void (or grieving a loss, as you said), pretending to be someone they're not, trying to get others (probably the opposite sex) to like them, to have fun... to avoid pain. I've flirted for all of those reasons... and I think it's because of that fact I try not to flirt anymore (though I admit sometimes it just "comes out.") I don't know - it becomes a habit, one that people could be loathe to break. Still, interesting observation.
that theory doesn't apply to everyone i think. some people are just born that way.Â
Flirting is fun, harmless, and does the mind good. You could just as
easily say people have jobs because they had a bad break-up.
I'd think more people become cynics when important relationships fail.
this explains like everything i've been through. i dated this guy for a while and i was so in love with him, and one day he just stopped talking to me. now, i can't get close to a guy without running away, and i am such a flirt and a tease. i think it's because i keep telling myself i'll never find anyone who was as good as he was, and i still think that somehow, we'll get married.
Hmm weird, my boyfriend always calls me a flirt and I never really understood it. Quite frankly, I still don't understand it. Before we started dating, I was talking like casual friendly talk, to a friend (but I didn't know he was close friends with my boyfriend at the time): all I said was I thought a certain aspect of his job was cute, despite the horrible music he makes.
Then when I started talking to my boyfriend, he ran across comments of it off his friend's Myspace and then traced back to me and called me a flirt. Pish posh. Then what got even more ridiculous about it was that he thinks certain things I say to certain guys are a sign of flirting. To me, it's how talk? It's just natural for me. It's often brought up from time to time, but then in a way it shows me that his jealousy problem is rising.
But interesting, but doesn't really apply in all cases... for me that is.
I'm a notorious flirt.... for better or worse. I've never had a real relationship though. Every time I come close I just realize that I can't bear it, being that vulnerable, that is. So I don't. Besides, being flirty (aka: non-commital) is way easier on my heart, body and soul.
Strongly disagree. People who are big flirts by nature absolutely can not have a troubled heart. Flirting for the sake of making an ex jealous is a lot harder than flirting for the joy of it. These are two different types of flirting. One is natural, the other is forced. Thus, if you only consider the natural flirting that comes to people as part of life, there can not possibly be a relation to losing a special some one or having a troubled heart.
One of the biggest flirts I know never had a boyfriend (not even an extremely non-serious boyfriend) until about a year ago, and they're still together now. She's a HUGE flirt, and she has absolutely no idea how it feels to have your heart broken.
I agree yet disagree.
usually the ones that were usually quiet.
And they get heart broken try not to have the same approach again.
But some people are just flirtatious
i lost someone i loved truely.
i flirt constantly.
i guess it depends on the person/situation. though i will say the temptation after a break up is great to just forget about the other person by replacing them with someone new, as you said. but i think most people realize that in order to really get over someone, it's probably wisest to allow yourself to go through the whole denial/anger/grieving/bargaining/forgiveness -acceptance process (not necessarily in order).
I don't quite agree with this.
I flirt to be cute and funny, no situation has changed me to be like this.
I guess it depends on the person?
agree!
not really. i guess its true with some people. but with others, like me, i've always been flirty... i guess i'm just a super friendly person and love the attention ... ? =/
the biggest, phase flirts have been broken, i agree
there's too many meanings to the word "flirt", cause people take them differently. I mean, you could be nice to other guys, and then other girls may think that youre flirting with them.
I always thought "flirting" was done to get the attention of another person in a different way than a friend- something that you dont do with my friends. I usually only do what I do with my friends as well and am called a "flirt" for some reason
oh well.
But I think people flirt for their self confidence, to make themselves feel better about themselves... especially if they don't even like the people they are talking with. Some of them need the attention.