Monday, 06 April 2009
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Manilajones' Relationship Advice
(This post was inspired by Jay-Z's 99 Problems.)I don't know exactly what the purpose of being in a relationship is, but I have an idea. It's nice to have someone to have dinner and go to weddings with. It's good to have someone to talk to and confide in, it's great to connect with someone on emotional, intellectual, and spiritual levels, and it's fantastic to have someone to hang out with when there's nothing better to do. But, regardless of what we want to believe, no one "deserves" to be in a relationship. That's why it's especially rewarding when we're lucky enough to find someone to be in one with.
Relationships make life easier and more bearable, and this is why I've never understood why people put up with relationship problems. Life is hard enough, and a relationship with problems just makes life more difficult. The only thing worse than having relationship problems is seeking relationship advice. Seeking relationship advice is a vain attempt at solving problems that shouldn't exist in the first place. These are attempts by insecure people to hold on to things that they want to feel they deserve. Sometimes the security of companionship clouds the focus of what the purpose of a relationship should be, which is to make life easier. If you are having problems in your relationship, then you don't need advice. You need a new relationship.
If you need to seek advice from your friends, I'm sure they'll gladly listen, but they'd rather not hear it. They' ll tell you what you want to hear, but this is what you need to hear:
- If you need advice because you think your boyfriend doesn't pay attention to you, then you need a new relationship.
- If you need advice because your girlfriend keeps cheating on you, then you need a new relationship.
- If you need advice because it bothers you that your boyfriend doesn't care about things that you care about, then you need a new relationship.
- If you need advice because you're not satisfied that your girlfriend won't perform the sexual acts you fantasize about, then you need a new relationship.
- If you need advice because you're addicted to drama, then you need a new relationship.
If you are having problems in your relationship, then you don't need advice. You need a new relationship. And if you're not ready to hear that, then you need to be alone.
- If you need advice because you think your boyfriend doesn't pay attention to you, then you need a new relationship.
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About the Author
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- From: manilajones@xanga
- Name: manilajones™
- Location: Los Angeles, California, United States
- About Me: manilajones is a music afficionado, Starbucks bum, doctor, American Eyedol, and sarcasm connoisseur. Dangerously self-aware of his lack of redeeming qualities, he blogs about life, pop culture, and anything else he probably shouldn’t have opinions about. Born in Cerritos, California, he now lives in Los Angeles' San Fernando Valley.
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Comments (66)
Well said. :) I concur.
In some cases, the answer is just that simple. Not in all cases, though.
Depends on what kind of "problems" you are having in your relationship. Just because you are having problems in your relationship don't mean that you need a new relationship. So what happens if you get into the new relationship and you have problems in there as well? Do you leave because you're not supposed to have problems in the relationship to begin with?
See this is where the words "communicate" and "compromise" comes in. It's to hear and fix your problems if those problems are fixable in the relationship.
Face it. Every relationship has problems. It works because the parties involved want to make it work and will do whatever it takes to keep it.
i can't speak from personal experience, but i'd imagine all relationships have their problems. if everyone dropped their relationship at the first sign of a problem without attempting to correct it first, there'd be no such thing as a long term relationship.
I'm not totally sure that i agree with this one. Yea, there are many instances where you date someone, and they have certain problems that aren't fixable, but on the other hand, there are some relationships that are worth fixing, that are worth working through those issues and problems. For me, my SO and I have been having some problems, but that doesn't mean I necessarily need a new relationship. My SO and I are comitted to each other and we both want to work things out. I guess that's the difference: we are comitted. I think that's kind of where the author went wrong. If you aren't going to be in a comitted relationship, take the author's advice. But if you're willing to commit and work for it, don't drop someone just because everything isn't perfect. Life was never meant to be easily necessarily.
Best relationship advice ever.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Ditto!
I doubt that there's ANY relationship in this world that has no problems whatsoever, big or small. Those examples you mentioned? I bet even the best relationships have those problems, even though it may just be ONCE. So nope, don't agree with this post.
following this advice, we might aswell not bother with the whole relationship fiasco and be single. who gives up so easily?
Your advice is flawed and incorrect. Human beings are imperfect, and problems will ALWAYS arise. Even in the best relationships: people still need help circumventing the pitfalls of dating/marriage/et cetera. To tell someone that when they have an argument to "get a new relationship" is to pretty much attest to having your own issues. Actually, this entire Op-Ed comes across like a "lover scorned" article, than actual advice.
Perhaps you should learn some REAL psychology; and really take a look at the people around you. Your advice is too cut and dry for a species that is far more complex than you seem willing to give credit.
By your advice and logic: no Long Distance Relationships should/could ever work; despite there being many exceptions.
By your advice and logic: I shouldn't have been with my current girlfriend for 7 months. We should've broken up a long time ago; despite loving each other quite dearly. Dearly enough to make our relationship work despite our inefficiencies.
By your advice and logic: Everyone will end up being alone: because there's no such thing as a "perfect" person. No such thing as "no conflict". No such thing as "no problems".
By your advice and logic: My parents should've divorced (been married for well over 20 years now; happily I might add)--seeing as my life has caused theirs much turmoil, and they've had some pretty big fights. And yet, they remain together.
Your pseudo-pop-psychology article is--at best--laughable. And your advice is not. It's harmful, ignorant, and baseless. You, my dear sir, are an idiot.
Seeking healthy relationship advice equals insecurity issues? What Community College Psych program did you fail out of exactly?
If you need advice because you think your boyfriend doesn't pay attention to you, then you need a new relationship.
No. What they need is advice on how to approach the boyfriend MATURELY and voice their concerns. Odds are, the guy is just a bit distracted by some things and may not notice he's being distant. Or he may end up just being a jerk and then the relationship should end. You're giving up so quickly that there's no room to improve.
If you need advice because your girlfriend keeps cheating on you, then you need a new relationship.
I like this because it specifies women; rather than create an equal situation. Bravo on the misogyny. This is the only point I'd agree with you on. Though after the second cheating incident; I'd assume the person would leave. If not, they should reconsider dating altogether. Common sense isn't their strongest suit.
If you need advice because it bothers you that your boyfriend doesn't care about things that you care about, then you need a new relationship.
Or, again, he/she could ask the SO about things they BOTH like. Getting advice on how to cope with the independent interests is a great way to learn compassion, understanding, and empathy: All important qualities in a boy/girlfriend and person.
Not every relationship will contain a 100% mutual interest circle. So to assume that any time one feels a little miffed at the lack of care of their chosen trade or hobby should be grounds for a break-up... is to simply admit to knowing nothing about dating or how to handle people.
This is just beyond immature to read.
If you need advice because you're not satisfied that your girlfriend won't perform the sexual acts you fantasize about, then you need a new relationship.
No. This person just needs advice on how to be compassionate and understanding towards their partner's sexual preferences. It could be possible to work out an adequate concession between the two.
Once again, you mention only the FEMALE (prick), and exclude the male. Are we supposed to be portrayed as "perfect" in this entry? All this comes across as is utterly misogynistic and chauvinistic. Quite frankly, it's impossible to take any of your advice seriously as you're far too biased.
In the above case: the frustrated party should seek some minor counseling as they might suffer from a sexual frustration (might being the understater). Advice is a NECESSITY in this situation. The relationship isn't lost merely because sexual gratification in a specific field isn't being met. It just means the party needs to learn to either
a) accept things as they are
b) find a middle ground with the SO
c) decide if the relationship is worth less due to the indescretions; and stay or leave as per the result of the inquiry
Automatically resorting to breaking up is just stupid; and leaves no room for personal growth.
If you need advice because you're addicted to drama, then you need a new relationship.
No. They need to be slapped in the face by everyone around them and/or seek therapy for their insecurity issue. Yes, drama seeking is an insecurity issue. The only OTHER thing you got right. One issue was solely based on selfishness (sexual gratification), another has the potential to be an insecurity issue (paying attention)--but sadly many couples do lack attention towards the other at some point or another.
So your analyses are very frail and baseless. You automatically assume that it's ONLY an insecurity issue all around; when--in fact--in most cases it is simply based off of logical observations.
Without MORE prevelant data on each situation; you cannot give a blanket diagnoses the way you have without coming across as a know-nothing upstart. This article is a load of pseudo-intellectual bunk; and a poor attempt at nihilism.
@Schristian@xanga - I agree with you, not the insensitive ignorant prick that wrote this, apologies to whomever I may offend.
Obviously the writer knows nothing of love, how to cherish, respect, appreciate, and most importantly, how to communicate. I'm appalled at how many people seem to be agreeing with this. Yes relationships are supposed to be ultimately good, but little bad things don't outweigh that by any means, and to believe so is ridiculous. I do agree that people put up with way to much in dead-end relationships, but if both parties are communicating their needs while the other is sincerely listening and taking it into consideration then I also believe there is no need for rash actions (i.e. getting a new relationship)If, however, you are communicating your needs and then repeatedly not being listened to then there is something wrong, most of the outlined problems in the entry are not beyond repair. This is absurd. I'm disappointed datingish
@nauticaloblivion@xanga - I'm disappointed too. It's sad when garbage like this is shoved to the front like it is some kind of breakthrough. Or that it is even intelligent; or well written. The site runners need to re-evaluate some of these Featured posts.
your profile pic kinda reminds me of Ginuwine. I was almost too distracted by it to read your post lol just wondering, are u filipino or hispanic?
I think I need a new relationship everytime PMS is near and I get all bitchy and start looking for my quick fix of drama that shouldn't exist
Hey,
You're that douchebag that was comparing women to toilet seats.Relationships aren't meant to be easy. You have to work at them just like any other rewarding experience. If you're always looking for the easy way out, you'll end up with nothing.
@jeezshoua@xanga - Agreed!
Every relationship has problems. it happens.
Dumping someone for stupid reasons like that are childish.
Its all a matter of if it's WORTH it or not.
eh.. that's nice on a day when you're feeling like a badass and you're angry with the state of your own love life. .. I'm pretty sure I disagree with this post completely.
You really didn't mention love at all either.
I agree to the point that there are somethings people don't deserve to deal with. It's good advice to someone who doesn't want a serious relationship. It's like saying you and your parent[s] got into a fight; what are you gonna do? LEAVE THEM? I think not. Things can be fixed and changed. Walking away is the easiest thing to do, and what's so good about taking the easy way out?
whoa...good advice....i'm the kind that jz straight away tell them what i'm thinking...its jz like, "sorry, i might hurt you"...but this is the fact!
... Eh.
I don't know if I agree or disagree with this post to begin with.
@jeezshoua@xanga - well said.
@Schristian@xanga - @nauticaloblivion@xanga -
If you would read this objectively, it would work a lot better for you.
First of all, it's incredibly rude to call someone an ignorant, insensitive prick, even if that is what you think. There is always more to a person than one snapshot of their beliefs, and if you feel there are things left unsaid, or things unexplained, the best way to find these things out is to ask them, not call them names and call their ideology 'laughable'.
Secondly, if you had actually read the post well, you would have noticed, it's not that if these problems exist the relationship needs to end. The point he was making was that if outside advice is needed, the relationship has gotten to a low it should never have reached. I don't know about you, but I don't relish the thought of having my boyfriend complain about me to his friends. Just as he wouldn't appreciate me complaining about him to my friends. If I can't respect him enough to control my words and my complaints at my friends before we get it worked out between ourselves, I do not deserve to be in a relationship.
Notice, how we disagree without calling each other pricks. It's a useful tool, friendly discourse. Employ it.
@jeezshoua@xanga - I think compromise undermines a loving relationship. If two people truly love each other, they would never have to compromise. The best kind of loving relationship is the one that is easy, not on when you have to work to make it work.
http://manilajones.xanga.com/641278372/love-vs-compromise/
@MissAllSmiles@xanga - I think people should commit only when they truly love someone, and in that case commitment is easy, not hard. A truly loving relationship is one that doesn't require "work" to maintain.
I am in a loving relationship and we've never had to "work" to make it work.