Monday, 06 April 2009
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In A Relationship And Hanging Out - What's Crossing The Line?
I have been dating this guy for over three years now. Up until lately, everything has been wonderful between us, but lately, things have been strained. We are stuck in a rut, and it is wearing on both of us. He has a fairly severe injury which makes him have to stay home a lot. When we do get to go out, we do have a good time together and things are much better. But anyway, I have made a good new friend at work. He is an older guy. Married. We always joke around and have a great time together. The other night after work, neither one of us wanted to go home, so we went for a drive. It was really nice. We just talked and had a great time. When he brought me back to my car, somehow we ended up cuddling and talking for another couple hours. Nothing else happened. We did discuss our feelings and all and decided that we do need to be careful not to let things go to far because he is married and I am in a committed relationship.
As it turned out, we both have feelings for each other, and if we were both single, then we would probably end up dating.
Am I wrong to continue spending time with him? We have so much fun together, and I consider him to be my best friend. I don't want to stop spending time with him...but I want to know what the line is when it comes to crossing into the "cheating zone".
So to get to the point...How far is too far when you are both in relationships when you are hanging out as "just friends"?
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Comments (72)
don't risk both the relationships at stake. at the time, it may seem like a good idea to go half way with both situations, but end it with your boyfriend if you feel like the other one and you are truly more compatible. feelings are a dangerous thing to mess with. try to sort things out before a "it just happened" situation pops up.
I think the problem here is that, at least right now, you're not "just friends." You each know that you have feelings for each other, which means there is more than friendship going on. It would probably be better to at least give yourselves a good amount of time to let things cool down before you try to hang out again.
I would probably take a couple of steps back. I can see you already realized you might have overstepped your boundaries, so definitely trust your instincts on this one. Think about it this way; is there anything you're doing with your friend that you wouldn't want to do in front of your bf? If so, that's a good sign that it's not the right thing to do.
back off from him. he's married and you're in a relationship. you can't forget that.
As for crossing the line.. Don't do anything with him that you wouldn't want your boyfriend doing with another girl.
Or.. don't do anything that you wouldn't do if your boyfriend was sitting right next to you.
You've already crossed into the "cheating zone" in my opinion, how sad.
and HE'S MARRIED.
You are already cheating emmotionally. Part of your heart belongs to him. You want to spend time with him you should be spending with your poor SO - you said he's recovering right now! Imagine how lonely and scared and downright bored he is!
Tell this friend from work straight up that you both need to cool off.
M
Be very, very, very careful. You cannot cross the line between being his friend and being his mistress. Continue to be his friend, but don't cuddle with him. Don't give him any more signs of affection. If he asks you why you seem to be pulling away, say "I'm sorry that I didn't tell you, but I feel that what we're doing is wrong and could hurt a lot of people, even if it hasn't gotten to an intimate point. Let's just be nothing but friends."
At least you realized that you were doing something wrong. You should probably step back and think about the situation that you were in. I mean, would you do cuddle in front of your boyfriend? What would you think if he was doing the same thing in front of you? You need to realize that you both are putting yourselves into a very dangerous situation.. you might want to just back off for now.
Like the people said above....you're already cheating emotionally...which, to me, is the worst kind. Cuddling isn't something that different sex friends should make a habit of doing. Also avoiding going home to spend time with each other isn't the best way to have a legit platonic friendship. I'd suggest backing wayyyyy up....before you find yourself in a horribly sticky situation
Seriously, get away from the married guy. Off limits, hello.
You know the answer! STOP NOW!
I'd get out while you can.
Seriously.
Dealing with married men seems dangerous...
and you don't want to hurt your SO.
The feelings aren't going to disappear unless you take away what they're feeding off of.
you're emotionally cheating on your SO.
and i don't think you love your SO at all. love isn't about just sticking it out when things go right; it's also about sticking by each other through the rough times. the first time something rough came your way, you're already out looking for something else.... maybe you should think about breaking it off with you SO.
if i were in this situation i would consider it cheating. definitely emotionally cheating. the line is usually crossed emotionally first. although you think that this cuddling and discussing it may not be cheating, imagine being the poor woman who's husband is out with you cuddling. i'd be heartbroken and torn, i know that for a fact. and your SO probably wouldn't be very happy about it either. one way to tell is if you're thinking about keeping it a secret...once you choose not to tell your SO he decides not to tell his wife, that would be crossing the line.
i was in this same situation, and now i'm out of it. i'll tell you what happened... i was the girl one guy i have been dating a while and the other guy was one that i'd been crazy over who finally admitted feelings towards me... i was in the biggest pickle. i knew that i was with a great guy but i knew the other one was much much like me. i fought through it, my beloved man knew something was up and wanted nothing more than to help me with what ever while the other one was just trying ot get me to be with him. i stayed with my man, and now looking back am so glad i persevered through and stayed with my guy and i feel a stronger tie with him because of it. he never really knew the storm i was facing, but we are in such great shape now! stick through the storm and don't ruin a marriage....Â
ps come read mine. comment
Um, I think it's obvious.
He's married... MARRIED. I think you need to just call it quits right here and now. You don't want to get into any deeper shit... seriously.
There's an issue. Both are in relationships, and he's married.
Stay away.
It'll end badly, I think.
Better sooner than later, in this case.
If you have to question yourself, that means something is wrong. I wouldn't risk it.
If you were my girlfriend, I would consider what you already did cheating. Just sayin. Would you be comfortable with your boyfriend having another girl as his "best friend", cuddling with her, and telling her he has feelings for her? I doubt it. If you were comfortable with that, your relationship is obviously over.
Seriously...back off now. He's married. Now think about this...let's say you were married and your husband was hanging out and cuddling with another girl. Would it still be right?
The fact that you two have developed feelings for each other and both establish the feelings are evident...you guys have already crossed the cheating zone. Cut him out...or else you're going to deal with some drama. Don't say I never warned you.
bad, bad mojo. emotionally cheating is two strikes in and of itself; it my girlfriend did that kind of stuff i probably wouldn't be able to trust her ever again because, as someone said earlier, part of her heart belongs to the man whether or not she wants it.
and that applies to you. part of you wants him, a part of you that should want your boyfriend. slippery slope.
I don't think it has that much to do with the things you physically do and how much time you spend together. The things that bother me in a relationship are if my SO has an emotional connection with someone else, or even if they want to. If you're feelings are geared more toward that other person, and not your SO, then you are dangerously nearing the line. But that's just my opinion.
uh i think you have crossed that line.
I think when ur cuddling and taking joy rides and talking for hours...something is happening.
And you guys have already expressed to each other that you two have feelings for one another...i mean whats more OBVIOUS?! like u said it yourself if it werent for your current relationship status's u two would be together...
i think u need to be the better person and walk away. because this is NOT fair at all to this man's wife. He is emotionally cheating on her and eventually if you two continue doing what you guys are doing, innocent or not, he is going to eventually decide to cheat and it's going to be very hard for you to deny his advancements since u obviously have very strong feelings for him.
And this is not fair to your poor injured boyfriend.
seriously, walk away.
already cheating. Unless both his wife and your boyfriend were be perfectly okay with you guys cuddling if you were all in one room together. doubtful. cheating.
He is married. End of story. Why were you even cuddling with him? You just met a "new good friend" at work, how did he become your best friend overnight?
You are just asking for it. Your boyfriend suffers an injury and needs to stay at home and here you are hanging out with a guy you just met, calling him your best friend, and cuddling after work.
If your boyfriend is not a cheater like you, you don't deserve him.