Sunday, 05 April 2009
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The Forbidden Attraction to A Much Older Guy
Over the past few months, I've been a subscriber of Datingish and I found that the majority of its readers actually give pretty decent advice. It took me a while to decide this, but I would like the Xangan opinion about a little "dating" issue that I have been having. - well, it's more of an inappropriate attraction. As I read a recent Datingish post about being attracted to older married men, it got me thinking more about my predicament. Let me first state a few basic facts:
- He is not married (divorced)
- He is older than I am (let's say 15 years older)
- He is my professorI am a (super) senior in college and I am about to graduate. So if I ever were to go after this dating prospect, I would certainly wait the month and a half, because the last thing I want is for him to be fired for something like this.
I also feel within the time I've talked to him one on one that he might be attracted to me as well. At first I didn't believe it myself, for self preservation, but as I relayed the events to two of my best friends, they confirmed it for me.
So, Datingish readers and your fantastic wisdom, should I go for it? Or should I just let it be and graduate and go on my merry way?
Also, if you've ever been in a situation like this, I'd love to know how you proceeded and how the whole thing played out.
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About the Author
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- From: Silly_Padawan@xanga
- About Me: I got a fortune cookie once and it said: "You have the uncommon gift of common sense" I still have that fortune; but i ate the cookie.
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Comments (212)
Graduate first. Then do something about if if y'all keep in touch. That'd be the safest route for both of you, I'd think.
i would wait to graduate and talk to him about it. just because he is older doesn't mean it could/couldn't work out. I have been with my hubby for 4 years now and he is 17 years older than myself.... it just works for our relationship. An age difference isn't something that is set to work for every relationship.... because every one is different!
Yeah, I agree with shetakesphotos. Graduate first. That way neither of you will get in trouble. After that, well don't have anything to lose, right?
Good luck & Let us know what happens!! :)
This reminds me of Friends where Ross is dating his student. You should wait until you graduate, he does not need to lose his job in this economy :)
graduate first, then talk to him about it..then do what your heart says.
I don't know. This is a hard one. I, myself too am attracted to someone older than me. I don't think it's possible. How would it work? He's 16 years older than me. I think we're better off just being friends, no matter how kute he is. =]
wait until you graduate. after that, do whatever the hell you want.
If you can do it without breaking any rules and getting him into trouble, I don't see the harm in it. 15 years may look like a lot now (you're in your early 20s?), but in a few years it won't seem like that much of a difference.
That is, go for it if you're really attracted to him because he's a good guy... and not just because he's "forbidden". Because that'll get old really fast.
Wait until graduation then go after if you want and think its mutual so there will be no awkwardness.
Scholars and Intellectuals are great<3
graduate first.
you should find out if he had a bad divorce or not. maybe he's still angry or bitter from it, maybe he's not.
I don't know, go for it.
don't get married too young though, if it ever gets to that.
I agree.
Graduate.
[and then go for it]
Don't aim for a romantic relationship. I've seen this situation go down with someone I used to be friends with.
A lot of schools have policies that ban all dating between students and teachers, even after the semester is finished. Even though you're graduating, if your relationship is uncovered you could still be attacked by administration.
The girl I knew graduated and had a relationship for a few months with her art history professor, but they ended up splitting. Somehow the school found out about the relationship and she was called out by the school academic honor council and her degree was taken away, due to the fact that she may have influenced the professor during the class. He was fired on the spot because he didn't have tenure.
Wow you were doing so well until you said professor....like pretty much what almost everyone said, wait till you graduate then see what happens.
It kind of already sounds like you've already made up your mind, especially since your friends are all for biting the bullet and going for it. If it's something about which you'll spend your life pondering on the off chance that you don't make a move, then do it (after you graduate). As long as no one gets hurt, I don't see why it's a bad idea. 15 years won't be much of a deal once you're 45 and 60, as long as you're both ready to take commitment leaps together.
i knew someone who dated a professor while she was in school, but she was at least in her 30s or even early 40s, and the professor was not teaching any of her classes because it was not even her major. But like dating anyone, you want to feel out the situation if it's a thorny one like this.
do it....
in the movie smart people she got with her professor years after graduation
I am currently dating a man 10.5 years older than I am. The age isnt an issue. The fact that he is your professor might be. I would wait a long while after you graduate before considering it, you don't want him to get into any trouble. Just make sure you're both very willing to accept the big age difference.
it's funny coz I'm kinda feeling the same, though situation is a little different. he used to be my high school english professor. I'm now graduating from college. saw him randomly over the summer and we kept in touch since then. the difference is, were not romantically involved. he's cute an sweet and I have a crush on him but that's about it. he's married now too so that's an even bigger no no!
but yeah, def keep in touch with him, it will prolly go somewhere afterwards! Goodluck! =]
I don't see how a university could do anything about a relationship that happens after a student graduates from the college that the professor works at. It would be like any other relationship then, wouldn't it?
Like many others have said before me, graduate first. After the fact there should be no harm in pursuing this, if you feel like there is an honest attraction.
Good luck!
See what happens after you graduate. I don't necessarily mean that in terms of your relationship with him, but in terms of the direction your life is taking.
Where do you have job offers? Where can you get the best salary/benefits/hours/job satisfaction? If it's a choice between a successful career and a romantic possibility, I'd advise just forgetting about the relationship.
What are you looking for in your relationship with him, should you choose to pursue it? Considering that the age gap is fifteen years and he has already been married and is divorced, he may be looking for something completely different than you are.
Might that be just a spur of moment?...I was in the same situation as urs...but after I'd graduated...well...did thought of him at first...but later on...nah!
I will say gradurate first, and .....will see how things' goin...
Take a chance!
but wait a while after graduation, keep it casual i guess.