Which is Worse - Being the Cheater or the Other Woman?

Saturday, 04 April 2009

Which is Worse - Being the Cheater or the Other Woman?
I have a friend who recently was "the other woman" in her relationship. Although one can argue this situation was accidental, considering the circumstances that led up to it, I can say it was not completely accidental. The guy and girl are good friends; he invites her to spend the night mainly 'cause she didn't really have anywhere else to go before going home. He only has one bed, so she ends up sleeping in the same bed as him. Although she knows full well he has a girlfriend, the guy initiates cuddling which leads to...other things.

They got pretty close to having sex but, thankfully, did not go through with it. My friend finally had the sense to push him off. However, he still cheated on his girlfriend and my friend semi-encouraged it.

[At the same time, I think my friend was just in a very vulnerable situation because she had just suffered a bad break up with her ex-boyfriend at the time].
My friend feels massively guilty about what happened. She is tortured by the fact that she quickly became "the other woman," and her friendship with her dear friend might be ruined as well. She vows it will never happen again with this guy or any other guy. The guy, who I know as well, has shut himself off from the world because he also feels guilty about what happened between them...especially because this girlfriend is the one girlfriend that actually stuck and he thinks he might love her.
So it made me wonder...which is worse? The cheater or the other woman who knew but still went through with it?

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I would say both but more so the woman but then again it's bad if the guy is going through it like the woman. I would have to say both. There both bad and yet painful I would say. I think no one should go through that or do either. It's not healthy for humans to do such or go through any of that. We all have a heart and feelings whether we like to admit it but we all do.
- 4/4/2009 5:08 PM
- xtine015@xanga (message)
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The cheater. Definitely. It wasn't your friends job to make sure he remained faithful, that was his job, and he failed. While I still think it's wrong to be the other woman, I definitely think its 100x better than being the cheater. Unless of course the other woman is the girlfriends best friend, sister, etc.
- 4/4/2009 5:09 PM
- abh816@xanga (message)
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Hmmm its a tricky one but I think the cheater. As a cheater myself, its easy to blame the other man (in my case) but the cheater is the one in the relationship, meant to care about their SO and so forth, where as the other woman, unless they are friends with the SO, have no hold backs. True they are still partially blamed because they knew. Its a difficult one to answer really x3
- 4/4/2009 5:10 PM
- Goldenwolf18@xanga (message)
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It sucks for everyone in that situation.
- 4/4/2009 5:12 PM
- steph (message)
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i think its definitely worse to be a cheater.
there are cases where the other woman had no idea the guy she was with had someone else.
a cheater is a cheater. nothing right about that.
no excuses.
- 4/4/2009 5:16 PM
- zzz_beauty@xanga (message)
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The cheater, by far. The other woman / man, while perhaps not the most honest, has no obligation to a significant other.
- 4/4/2009 5:18 PM
- EarthsAzureLight@xanga (message)
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Both are really bad, but being the cheater is worse. They're the ones in the relationship that's being screwed up, not the other woman. Even if the other woman knows they're in a relationship, the cheater doesn't HAVE to get with them. When a other woman flirts with a taken man (I know your friend didn't, I'm just giving an example) she's being horrible but the cheater is still worse if he takes up the offer. The same goes when the gender placements are switched around.
Your friend shouldn't feel guilty. It's not her fault that he tried to get with her, and she did eventually push him away; that's got to count for something. If he was willing to cheat on his girlfriend with her, he's willing to cheat on his girlfriend with other women, too.
- 4/4/2009 5:21 PM
- pillowpixies@xanga (message)
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The cheater, obv.
- 4/4/2009 5:26 PM
- vvaanneessuuhh@xanga (message)
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The cheater is the one at fault. He is the one who has the commitment to his girlfriend, not the other woman. The other woman owes nothing, whether she knows or not. But then again, things get tricky when the other women is FRIENDS with the girlfriend. IF the other women is a good friend of the girlfriend, well then I would assume they are equally guilty, if not MORE so your friend. I expect MORE from my friends than I do from some guy. I have been in that very situation and I ended up loosing ALL of my friends and the guy. Sucked.
- 4/4/2009 5:30 PM
- ThatLostGirl101@xanga (message)
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Definitely the cheater, they're the one in a committed relationship.. although the other woman is still in the wrong..
- 4/4/2009 5:35 PM
- Fluxuater@xanga (message)
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Cheater.
- 4/4/2009 5:36 PM
- spanz@xanga (message)
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They both are. Neither is worse, it's all BAD!!!
Having been both in different relationships, however, I would be a hypocrite to cast any stones.
- 4/4/2009 5:38 PM
- blufrogz37@xanga (message)
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No one on the outside can know how or why things happened, so nobody should judge anyone in this situation. No one really knows what it's like to be in this situation until they're in it themselves. And even then, they still shouldn't judge other people in similar situations because each situation is different. People need to stop judging other people's relationships and focus on their own.
- 4/4/2009 5:41 PM
- t_ray_c@xanga (message)
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i think the cheater should hold most of the blame, but if the other women/man knew they had someone else, how much effort does it take to be like, woah we cant do this....
all in all, cheating SUCKS. its bullshit. i had it done to me, worst time of my life getting over something like that.
however, if someone cheats. you have to wonder, whyy? obviously something isnt working, or they wouldnt do it in the first place
- 4/4/2009 5:41 PM
- bxurself@xanga (message)
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They'er both equally as horrible if they both know what they're getting into.
I was the other woman once but I didnt know. I asked him multiple times if he had a girlfriend and he kept telling me no. When I finally found out I what was happening I felt so incredibly guilty I was almost throwing up. I told the girl immediately and cut off all connection with the guy.
- 4/4/2009 5:42 PM
- MangoWOW@xanga (message)
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both will get bitch-slapped
- 4/4/2009 6:20 PM
- alice
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Being the one cheated on is worst. For sure.
- 4/4/2009 6:33 PM
- Angelina_Everlong@xanga (message)
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Being the cheater felt worse for me, I cheated on my ex a couple times and was overwhelmingly full of guilt, and than I was single and messing around with my friend who I knew full well had a girlfriend, and I didnt feel as bad..but I did still feel bad for it...I never have cheated again or been with him to allow him to cheat.
- 4/4/2009 6:34 PM
- RandomnessRox36@xanga (message)
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The cheater. He's obligated to his partner; not the other woman.
- 4/4/2009 6:34 PM
- jeezshoua@xanga (message)
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Being the cheater is definitely worse, because at least the "other woman" is faithful. It wasn't her choice to destroy a family.
- 4/4/2009 6:52 PM
- TruthNeverTold@xanga (message)
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you know... i watch korean dramas and i always think. "omg why is she so stupid? be strong... tell him the truth" "or dont let her push you around like that... you loved him first" blah blah blah.... but when it happened to me. i feel im so stupid. why didnt i tell the truth. honestly. i had the choice... but i didnt. i endured it cause i thought maybe its just easier if i took the blame and left everything as a misunderstanding.
i think your friend was under the same situation. when its actually happening to you, everything seem so much harder, so much more fuzzier and difficult to see the straight line. and under these circumstances, the "victim" probably feels as though she understands how its wrong, but still wants to do it.
although it seems like im saying its not your friends fault, i still dont think either is to blame. i dont believe in blaming... even if you call me a hyprocrit, seeing as how i blamed everyone including myself until i came to the conclusion that its all in the bigger plan.
well.. it happened, and you can turn back time. just deal with it i guess and dont repeat history. learn to control the feelings and actions [which i may include, might not be possible or sound selfish and impossible to reach] just the acknowledgement is a good start i guess
- 4/4/2009 6:53 PM
- kuro_kokoro@xanga (message)
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cheater. Especially if the girl is in a vulnerable position. Sound like he started to make the moves anyway... HELLOOOOO there is no WAY he could think his girlfriend could be "the one" but somehow simultaneously want to fuck this other girl... WTF people?! oy vay.
- 4/4/2009 9:07 PM
- msnatalie27@xanga (message)
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BOTH!
- 4/4/2009 9:13 PM
- chPanda@xanga (message)
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It's tough, they're both horrible, but, I think being the cheater is worse.
- 4/4/2009 9:18 PM
- mywordsx@xanga (message)
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i wouldn't want to be either. it would deffinitely hurt me and made me be ashamed of myself. =T
- 4/4/2009 10:24 PM
- UnopenedSuitcases@xanga (message)
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