(I should preface this by saying that despite my crushes, I would never act upon them; homewrecking is not my style and I already have a gentleman friend who is my age, beyond wonderful and a habitual Datingish reader
. hi!)
The vast majority of guys my age think about sex, beer and sports (not necessarily in that order); they are stuck in a confusing time of their lives somewhere between collegiate mayhem and adult boredom. And although they're growing into the look, 23-year-olds in suits and ties inevitably look like kids readying themselves for their bar mitzvahs. Do not want.
On the other side of the 30-year mark in life, we have the older married guys
- the ones who are responsible, with steady jobs and a steadier lifestyle, who can make and understand references to Johnny Carson jokes and are more interested in wine than getting crunk.
And that's why I crush on the latter.
There's something appealing about people who have their shit together and don't feel the need to show off because of it; they are normal, established and experienced. I see those three qualities as general confidence, which we all know is appealing; stability is also important to me because I don't want to date like a middle schooler, and those guys have it. They're committed and dedicated (albeit to their wives and kids) and I think that's hot.
I think I'm also attracted to people who aren't my age because the lifestyles are so different; I work two jobs and am the go!-go!-go! type, and I think I need someone who's the emotional equivalent of Valium. Having someone to slooooooow me doooooown would not be a bad thing.
These crushes will inevitably fade in the future as I get older and they get ...even older, and I'm definitely not ready to settle down yet. But I like the idea of what certain types of men become, and I'm looking forward to growing and evolving together as our generation grows up and becomes the older, married people (eek).
What unconventional crushes do you have?
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Comments (24)
LOL, aww and we will eventually be the older married adults. We'll look down on the generation afer us and talk about how immature they are, how they seem to have no goals, ect.
guys in college are horndogs! at my college anyway.
slide me a dilf, please
lol. i agree i do like older guys for that reason. they don't feel the need to show off. plus they (mostly) don't have the brain thinking of these boys :D
After reading this, I started to think about all my crushes (yes, all. They're mild, and don't think I'd ever go for them, but they're crushes none the less). 99% of them are older men. Married. With kids. Well, one of them doesn't, but he's way out of my age range to even think about dating him. I mean, what would my parents say? He could be my Father! lol. There is only one guy around my age who makes my list. But, he's married, with kids, and he's one of those rare breeds that actually has his crap together and knows what he wants out of life. The confidence and I think the wisdom that comes with age intrigues me. That's not how I really want to describe it,but I can't think of anything else to say. Anyway, I know exactly what you mean. I'm glad I'm not the only person! Oh! The distinguished-ness of an older man. That's what gets me. :)
Why do they have to be married? You can see a man's dedication in something other than his family.
My unconventional crush is totally opposite of me. I'm a nerdy Asian girl and I tend to crush on Filipino guys that have that "bad boy" look, with piercings and facial hair and stylish clothes.
I couldn't agree with you more. This is as accurate as anybody else's post has ever been to my perspective of things, it's as if you're in my head here... Very well-put
I don't know about married older guys but I have the biggest crush on richard gere's character in the Pretty Woman movie. dangit, he's so sexy in that movie. he's too old now for my liking but in that movie when he was in his prime, I can see what his ex-cindy crawford saw in him.
I think older men are sexier, but NOT those who are married with kids.
I completely agree with your attraction to men who have their shit together. The fact that they can focus on other things other than partying or spending an obnoxious amount of time on damn MMOs. . . Uggh. The idea that he might be more mature is just the tip of the iceberg.
Yay I'm not the only one that's attracted to older married men, its either that or there single with kids and I'm not ready for marriage yet or kids. But something about the married men are very attractive.
I am guilty of liking many guys younger than me, mainly because I'm a little immature in my sense of humor and playfulness. Beyond that, I'm also pretty young for my grade (19 and a sophomore in college), so guys a grade or two (or three?) younger than me can be more of my age range, too...
I think older guys can be very intimidating.
It's all about the confidence
I don't know if there has to be the married with children bit, if
anything that's a bit turn off just for me cuz there is no sorrid
romantic fantasy there...
For me its the intellectuals, the scholars... I've just always been
attracted to people smarter than people (probably because I think of
myself as somewhat too and want to someone to rival me, talk to me
about Kant and Sartre and Camus)
Why do they have to be married? There are single guys out there who are mature and have everything in life for them. They are just as good as the married men but they're not married or have children yet. I like these guys better than the married men. Crushing on married men are just.. weird.
@Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga - i totally also crush on the bad boys... am currently dating a 41yr old metal musician (i'm a 26 year old ph.d. student, go figure). i'm not interested in settling down (neither is he), and we're crazy about each other, so it works.. but i think all this has to do more with lifestyle than age. my guy is 41 but looks about 10 years younger and while very responsible in his work, house, etc, often acts much younger than most 41yr olds (going out to shows, drinking, etc etc). i guess it's all in what type of lifestyle you're after. i personally need passion - which is why i love bad boys. hehe.
I crush on men with blue collar jobs (within reason, of course -- no beer bellies and such). I get weird looks from my colleagues when I let that slip; I guess graduate students should have different/more elite tastes? I understand the bit about older men being more stable though, and my usual crush is 10 years my senior.Â
Every one of my crushes has been unconventional. It's ridiculous, but at the same time hilarious and interesting. Not to mention fun!
i def agree with you, except the married part, i don't put much thought into if they're married, they're just more mature, offer stability and for the most part aren't into clubbing ALL the time, but older guys can be kinda a prob too, im 19 so i wanna go out to clubs some and i listen to the current music, and older guys arent into that so much :/ oh where is my happy medium T_T!
@babyblue5201314@xanga - Hi are you living in HK? some time i stay there
Hi I am married,,,but i am looking for some girls around 20/25 years old for dating with me..I am 46 yeras old
I have a soft spot for bad boys who're good to me. It's like they're the beast that only I can tame :P
Age isn't really a factor to me, I guess because I don't go for the stable, mature types but more the spontaneous, exciting types. But with those attributes also comes irresponsibility and therefore a lot of unhappy consequences :(
So I guess what I'm trying to say is, older guys do make better partners to settle down with.
honestly I think it's the maturity but I totally agree with your post though the guys at my college are slimballs...:)
I Googled "why do i get crushes on married men" and came across your blog. I thought I was the only one out there with this "problem". I know it's wrong to have crushes on married men but I can't help it. It seems like I can never get a crush on a guy my own age. I am 23 years old and have been crushing on married men since I was in high school. And all the reasons you described are exactly the same reasons I crush on them. I crush on a married man and then I set my expectations of what I want in a guy and I'm never able to find someone my age who lives up to those expectations. I'm waiting for my own "joe smith" to come along but I know he won't because there's only one "joe smith" and he is married. It's even worse for me now though because I have a full time job and almost everyone at work is over 30 and married.
It's alright women mature faster them men!
that's alright if you fall for older married guys just try to stay away from them just be friend's with them!
i fall for older married guys to there hot!