MSN published an article on how to "position yourself to meet Mr. Right instead of Mr. Right Now" - check it out and tell us what you think!
However, there are other things you can do or observe that will help you determine if the guy you are interested in is actually a good catch. These are of my own experience and derived from advice I have received.
- For those who believe in prayer, definitely pray about it. Then, be willing to listen to what God is telling you regardless of how much you like the guy. Remember that nobody knows the future but Him. After God responds to your prayer, obey His will. It will be worth it at the end. It is better to end this relationship now than get married or live together only to find out he is an abuser (for example).
- Find out how good of a son he is. The way he treats his mother says a lot about the quality of his heart. There is a correlation between how men treat their mothers and how they treat their wives. It is said that if he is a good son, then he will be a good husband. The love one feels towards a mother is deep and if the guy does not treat her well, how would he treat you (even if he loves you)?
- Observe how he treats the elderly. You will one day grow old. Hopefully, you will grow old together. But the way he treats the elderly speaks volumes about his kindness and respect. The same is true regarding the way he treats his mother. The treatment he gives to the elderly can speak of delicacy and maturity, which brings me to the other point.
- The eyes of the elderly can see beyond what our young eyes can. It is wise to listen to what the elderly in his family say about his character and his growth.
- Observe how he handles crisis. This is very important because in your relationship or marriage, you will face difficult times together. It is important to know if he is able to make good decisions regardless of his suffering, if he can control himself and not succumb to the pain or despair, if he can be creative and adaptive, if he can maintain a good sense of humor, if he becomes easily depressed, if he develops negative habits or tendencies that can become a burden in your relationship. All of this speaks about the strength of his character. Is he able to stand when everything is crashing down?
- Find out how he chooses to spend his money. I am not saying that he should be cheap, but he does not need to go for the most expensive things, either. This is important because if you marry or live together, you will share in finances and you definitely want to know that the family's (you, him, and the kids) money will be safe under his management. If you both manage the finances, then you definitely want to be compatible in your views and avoid many unnecessary fights. Can you work together as a team safeguarding the money of the house?
- Observe how he communicates. Can you talk to him about things he is not necessarily interested in? Or does he ignore you or pretend to listen to you? This may speak of selfishness. If he is not interested in a topic, he could gently stir the conversation away from that topic or at least notice if this matters to you. If it matters to you, he could do an effort to listen to you and bear with it. If you say something he does not like, does he tune you out and rapidly defends himself? Or does he listen to your share of feelings and thoughts and considers them?
Is he a good listener? Does he interrupt you while you are speaking or does he let you complete your thoughts? Does he watch his body language while talking to you or does he make facial expressions or gestures that hurt you? How does he react to explosions of feelings in a conversation? How does he handle himself? How does he handle an emotional conversation? There are many factors to be alert to in this topic. If you marry or decide to live together, how you communicate with each other will become some sort of acid or glue. Would you rather live with an enemy or your best friend? Would you like your lover to be your best friend as well?
- Does he respect your boundaries? Or does he push? This may speak of selfishness and indifference toward your values and reasoning behind your boundaries. This also speaks of how he respect you as a woman.
- How does he act with his friends? Is he a completely different person? Does he treat you completely different when you are around his friends? Careful. He may be hiding something or his true personality.
- Does he have the maturity to keep secrets? Does he talk about his relationship issues with everybody? Does he reveal inappropriate things about your relationship or intimacy to others? This may transcend later on in the relationship. There is such a thing as emotional or mental infidelity, and some of this occurs when the man or woman talks to somebody else about the issues in the relationship and takes refuge in the company of that person. It is okay to have friends, but there are some things that are meant to stay in the house and be fixed between the couple. This is a sticky area and one you must decide the degree to which you feel comfortable in his discretion, or lack thereof.
There are many other things that you could do to protect your heart from a lot of heartache. Only you know what hurts you and makes you feel uncomfortable and only you know which ones will work and how to best to protect your heart.
What other techniques do you have that help you discover if a guy is really Mr. Right?
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Comments (74)
Great post!
I agree with all of your points, although I think that some things can definitely be worked around...most important to me is respecting my boundaries. I would not be with my fiancé if he didn't respect me when I said yes or no.
i like this list
great post. i also observe how one treats others who might not be on the same societal level as him.. for example, wait staff, cleaners, housekeepers etc.
Guys who treat their sisters well is also a good sign.
Great post and great list, but eh not really feeling it. Honestly, I think it should be based on how well the connection is, if you observe everything before hand... it's not really getting to know a person. It's judging a person. A person can fit under all of that, but what about behind the unknowing door? How do you protect yourself from that. I may sound a bit insecure and a bit whacko, but to me... people change. They act like that at first, but when about tomorrow, or in a month, in a year? How do you take all those points and apply them then to prevent heartbreak? Shrugs~
i like the respecting boundaries one. it's okay if he asks your permission to do something more advanced, but if you say no and he acts like a puss about it...
BAD SIGN.
Eh, not so sure about the prayer thing.
But yeah, I like the communication & crisis stuff. I've observed that kind of stuff with my current boyfriend and things look pretty good :]
i like this specially the part about treating the elderly with respect...ill sure find one that has that trait
Hahaha "questions to ask on the first date"
WOW. GREAT POST!!! i was thinking critically, too...and i came up with nothing to criticize. i think you said it all.
(tho, mothers, sisters, women in general--watch how he treats little sisters)
How he treats his mom is my #1 rule. But then if he's a mama's boy he's got to go.
Really good post! thanks for this!
this sounds more like a good friend, than someone women want to be in a relationship with.. with that being said, i'm a good friend to a lot of girls/women that don't have these types of relationships... if they did, i wouldn't be needed.
i love this post and totally agree.
my boyfriend and i were having a whole bunch of issues and honestly he was basically all of these points. well, except for the last one; i have to admit that's my bad.
I should really rethink my relationship or just plain old end it. :/
I think the best way to attract a better guy is to be a better woman. But nah, self improvement has nothing to do with it. Obviously we have to make sure the other person is exactly how we want them in order for our relationships to work. I feel sorry for anybody who takes this list, or the person who wrote it, seriously.
you are a good writer. this is a great post. i know a lot about my boyfriend, and when i look at these questions... the answers are good :). man, i have an awesome guy here...
Great post but how do u attract a guy wif the above qualities? Im guessin alot of luck & plenty of trials & errors. Haha.
Hahaha. This is all good advice. Except for the third one, the first question my grandmother will ask is: "Is he Mexican? A GRINGO?!?!"
In order to use most of these, you would have to have been dating the guy for quite a while... I mean unless his mom's coming on the first date and all. As ways to evaluate an already existing long term relationship, they're pretty good measures of character, but would not work when your in the beginning stages and trying to decide whether to stay or go.
That's a great post and I enjoyed reading it. I think a guy also have good table and bedside manners.
very useful tips! everything sounded reasonable.
this is goooood~ =]
although in my case, he seemed like a good son..
cept he lied to his mom all the time.. and then i found out he lied to me the whole relationship, too..
i'm glad it's over :)
Agreed! This was a helpful an interesting post. Thanks for that :)
This is such a great post. I think if u reverse them, that makes a perfect miss right post!!
@beetunes@xanga - OR, he doesn't puss out, you generally meant no, and it becomes rape. OR he doesn't puss out and you get anal for him "not respecting your boundaries".
Anyway, it's another of these blogs and you know what that means kiddies!! Time for Mr.Ying to balance out Ms.Yang!
<li>For those who believe in prayer, definitely pray about it. Then,be willing to listen to what God is telling you regardless of how much
you like the guy. Remember that nobody knows the future but Him. After
God responds to your prayer, obey His will. It will be worth it at the
end. It is better to end this relationship now than get married or live
together only to find out he is an abuser (for example).
Yeah, you're going to pray to an imaginary friend to find out a love life? Knock that shit off. It doesn't help anybody and it never did. Should your God decide that your lover and partner you will grow old with is going to be a chain-smoking abusive shit-head, will you side with God's decree unto you? Didn't think so. Go find out for yourself and talk to people before you discern who is right for you or not. Relationships, especially finding the right ones, take a couple of tries. You don't need to break yourself to a god to find out who is right for you, anybody can easily be somebody's significant other.
<li>Find out how good of a son he is.The way he treats his mother says a lot about the quality of his heart.
There is a correlation between how men treat their mothers and how they
treat their wives. It is said that if he is a good son, then he will be
a good husband. The love one feels towards a mother is deep and if the
guy does not treat her well, how would he treat you (even if he loves
you)?
OR, you deem him a mama's boy and brush him off. OR, him and his mother aren't on good terms anyway because the mother's a cunt. This one is decent for normal people, but the weird ones keep things interesting! As the world is cranking out more and more...twisted individuals, you need to find more merits than just how he treats his mother.
<li>Observe how he treats the elderly.You will one day grow old. Hopefully, you will grow old together. But
the way he treats the elderly speaks volumes about his kindness and
respect. The same is true regarding the
way he treats his mother. The treatment he gives to the elderly can
speak of delicacy and maturity, which brings me to the other point.<li>The
eyes of the elderly can see beyond what our young eyes can. It is wise
to listen to what the elderly in his family say about his character and
his growth.
Being one who does listen to his elders (my prime source for my advice), this is sound. However, this is VERY EASY TO BULLSHIT if it's a means of finding out what kind of a person he's like. He can fool the elderly just as easily as he can fool you.
<li>Observe how he handles crisis.This is very important because in your relationship or marriage, you
will face difficult times together. It is important to know if he is
able to make good decisions regardless of his suffering, if he can
control himself and not succumb to the pain or despair, if he can be
creative and adaptive, if he can maintain a good sense of humor, if he
becomes easily depressed, if he develops negative habits or tendencies
that can become a burden in your relationship. All of this speaks about
the strength of his character. Is he able to stand when everything is
crashing down?
This is a 50/50 argument. A real man has to be able to handle whatever problems come his way and be able to solve them when they come. However, a man can't do everything alone. Setting us up to do everything as if we're your knights and you're some princess to us is bullshit and unfair to us. Ante up and share some responsibility along with us instead of forcing that shit all on us.
<li>Find out how he chooses to spend his money.I am not saying that he should be cheap, but he does not need to go for
the most expensive things, either. This is important because if you
marry or live together, you will share in finances and you definitely
want to know that the family's (you, him, and the kids) money will be
safe under his management. If you both manage the finances, then you
definitely want to be compatible in your views and avoid many
unnecessary fights. Can you work together as a team safeguarding the
money of the house?
I got nothing to counter here. Financial responsibility is a key factor in any relationship. Anybody who says "Money doesn't matter" is a fucking stooge who has no footing in the real world.
<li>Observe how he communicates. Canyou talk to him about things he is not necessarily interested in? Or
does he ignore you or pretend to listen to you? This may speak of
selfishness. If he is not interested in a topic, he could gently stir
the conversation away from that topic or at least notice if this
matters to you. If it matters to you, he could do an effort to listen
to you and bear with it. If you say something he does not like, does he
tune you out and rapidly defends himself? Or does he listen to your
share of feelings and thoughts and considers them? Is
he a good listener? Does he interrupt you while you are speaking or
does he let you complete your thoughts? Does he watch his body language
while talking to you or does he make facial expressions or gestures
that hurt you? How does he react to explosions of feelings in a
conversation? How does he handle himself? How does he handle an
emotional conversation? There are many factors to be alert to in this
topic. If you marry or decide to live together, how you communicate
with each other will become some sort of acid or glue. Would you rather
live with an enemy or your best friend? Would you like your lover to be
your best friend as well?
No no no no no, it's one thing to handle a conversation with women. Any man worth his salt can do that. This does not mean you come crying to us OVER DUMB SHIT! We can handle emotional problems easily and talk with you over them. But if you're crying because of something really stupid or minor, then we get annoyed. Nice guy or not, don't waste time with a severely pointless conversation.
<li>Does he respect your boundaries?Or does he push? This may speak of selfishness and indifference toward
your values and reasoning behind your boundaries. This also speaks of
how he respect you as a woman.
Not always. If you're clear enough it gets through. Don't send mixed messages to us and get pissed off if we choose the wrong answer.
<li>How does he act with his friends? Ishe a completely different person? Does he treat you completely
different when you are around his friends? Careful. He may be hiding
something or his true personality.
Mentality around the guys and mentality around the woman are two different mindsets. Sure, they may overlap, but they're never going to fully intersect each other. If you are going to be around his friends, he's going to change because he feels more comfortable around them than he would around his girlfriend. Hell if I know why we do that, but we do.
Does he have the maturity to keep secrets? Does
he talk about his relationship issues with everybody? Does he reveal
inappropriate things about your relationship or intimacy to others?
This may transcend later on in the relationship. There is such a thing
as emotional or mental infidelity, and some of this occurs when the man
or woman talks to somebody else about the issues in the relationship
and takes refuge in the company of that person. It is okay to have
friends, but there are some things that are meant to stay in the house
and be fixed between the couple. This is a sticky area and one you must
decide the degree to which you feel comfortable in his discretion, or
lack thereof.
Ever hear of the "outside perspective"? This occurs when there is something wrong with the relationship that either side doesn't notice, so they ask a friend or something what they notice that they themselves won't, mostly because one of the two has his/her damn head in the clouds. Emotional Infidelity exists, don't get me wrong, but if you can't work it out in your relationship, it pays to get an outer perspective; like a marriage counselor or something like that.