Miss Penguin Before I started dating the smotherer (who I am obviously no longer seeing), I was told that he was a huge player and I shouldn't get involved with him. Turns out, I've dated/kissed more people than he has. A lot more. I'm not really sure how he got a rep as a player, but it got me thinking about myself.
The smotherer and I didn't work out because he wanted to spend all this time with me and constantly be near me, but I just didn't want a relationship and even though he wasn't calling it a relationship, what he wanted was a relationship. And in the midst of this I was dating this guy I met online briefly, though that didn't last long.
Through this all, my ex wants me back, but I can't commit to him because I'm too scared of getting my heart broken. So I told him that I'm going to continue seeing other people until he moves to New York.
And now I met this new guy who I kinda like. He's not like the smotherer, but he's a nice guy and I suspect he's more of a relationship kinda guy. And with my ex in the picture and my disinclination to be in a relationship, I can't foresee this ending well. And in fact, it's probably a really bad idea for me to be pursuing this at all because chances are it will end in flames...
But I'm having entirely too much fun to not pursue it. And to be honest with myself, that's probably part of the reason I can't commit to my ex (besides having had my heart broken) - I just don't want to. I don't really want a relationship period right now, and especially not a long distance one that has all the baggage and obligations of a relationship but none of the fun part (like kissing, cuddling, going on dates, etc).
So apparently in the last few months I've become a player. Not sure how it happened, but it's kind of a nice change of pace from getting played...
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Comments (21)
Two kinds of people that players hurt: themselves and other people.
I felt like something of the sort (a player) in the beginning of my freshman year of college. Turned out, I was the one getting played. Welp, at least all that's in the past. Now I'm happily taken & in a pretty serious relationship <3.
I wouldn't get with that new guy you kinda like ... you're not looking for a relationship, and when I feel like that, I wanna stay out of the game completely, so I don't end up hurting anyone, or getting hurt myself.
I can completely understand why you wouldn't wanna get back with your ex. LDR's sound like they suck.
i don't really think it's wrong to date around, as long as you aren't "in a relationship" with any of the people.
make sure the guys know from the start that you're not looking for a serious relationship though. it makes it easier in the long-run if everyone knows what to expect.
This post has inspired me to write a post about how, in my experience, the player got played and why people like me just aren't meant to be "players". Wooo. I'll write it when I have timeee. Thanks, Datingish, for inspiring a post :)
@icicle84@xanga - Exactly.
Anyone who is afraid of getting hurt by someone of love does not know the idea of love. Getting hurt is all about learning, loving and living. She just wants to take the easy way out of love, and to do that, she hurts other men that like her. That's just plain sad. I'm sorry.
lol you guys are cute! hahahahahha
love is about living and learning. simply put though, either way, there is no easy way out of ANYTHING. playing around, or being serious. If you play, you simply have to understand that the other person might be playing too. And if so, that's a part of the game! wtf; simple logic. If you're assuming the other person is serious and you aren't, and you continue.. then you're either conceited, or lame b/c you know they want more of you.
relationships, and serious ones at that.. those are just as bad. trying to change someone if they don't magically fit you, seeing the person for who they really are, and having your image broken b/c you idealized them too early, realizing that you aren't who YOU thought you were, and hurting the person you LOVE... the fights, the fun, the anger and confusion, the dependency... c'mon ppl. Either/or, once it involves another person romantically, it's bound to have pain/drama in it as much as it'll have happiness/romance.
You know you don't want a relationship right now, so it's okay to go from guy to guy. Just make sure you tell them upfront so they won't expect anything more from you.
Hurting people intentionally is no fun but if they know where they stand from the start, they could at least try to prevent themselves from getting hurt in the long run.
If you aren't actually in a committed relationship, I don't consider it being a player. Someone I was kind of dating called me a player once... He sounded like he was joking, but I did CASUALLY date more than one person at a time, but he knew that. My opinion is that if the other person knows they aren't the only one, they aren't being played... If he wants to casually date, but knows you aren't committed, then it's on him to make the decision. The thing is, once you find someone who thinks that you're serious, then you either a) need to get serious and stop seeing other people, or b) let them go if you don't see a future... That way they don't get hurt in the process.
i just think you should let every guy in your life know that you don't want a relationship, and you just want to have a good time for awhile (and give whatever reason you want - a real one, or the typical "me" time excuse that i've heard some people give.. or just don't give one at all, you're entitled to want to be single) and then you're not really a player. you're being upfront and honest about it, and you won't be leading anyone on.
I think your last sentence is pretty key--it's so easy to become what you so strongly dislike, esp after being hurt... ex: becoming a "player," if you still see yourself as that.
I can totally relate.
After dating a major player, messing around with him after breaking up, and moving from guy to guy...I've suddenly come to the same realization--if each of the guys I'm "talking to" and "hanging out with" knew about the other guys, pretty sure it'd make me look like a player. I'm not in a special relationship w/each one, but I am moving towards an exclusive relationship with one in particular...if that ends up happening, I'd try to cut the ties w/the other guys...
but...
interesting.
ohh goodness. all i have to say is do not feel bad about what you are doing at all. You are having fun. I think pretty much every girl eventually has their "player" stage. Its called going out and having fun and not worrying about any commitment.
Its pretty much what all of my girlfriends are doing right now.
Just like you we have no urge to pursue anything serious with anyone...we are way to young and honestly selfish. We want to be able to go and do our thing and not have to worry about someone back home.
Most likely the guy you are having fun with is thinking he is being the player too and just using you. So essentially you are using each other. Its mutual. No hurt feelings.
All in good fun.
And to be honest I dont really consider what you are doing or what my friends and I are doing to be "playing." Cause its not like we are in serious relationships with these guys. We are not intentially trying to be deceiving and dishonest.
i like when players get penalties.
@icicle84@xanga - amen, sista.
Don't multi-date them. Leading someone on is the worst thing you can do.
i was in this EXACT same situation after breaking up with my ex after finding out LDR suck... but as my friends put it, i wasn't a player, i was a maneater. i didn't mean to do "play around" i just wanted friends and they ended up liking me as more than that.Â
but the point of that paragraph, if you're not ready for a relationship, i don't think you should push yourself into one because that's never the answer if you're not ready. plus, it's not like you're serious with any of them. just as soon as you are, you should break it off with the accessories. oh and it's good if they know how you feel about how you feel about everything, etc.
Relationships don't always require monogamous commitment. It can be mutually understood that there will be other people and other relationships concurrently. "Players" usually engage in serial dating and sex with multiple partners which believe s/he is committed to them to the exclusion of others [the element of deception is why they are considered as being "played"].
If there is no deception, then you're not playing anybody.
I thought a player was someone that went around constantly breaking peoples hearts. Like, get with one guy : he falls for you : break up : move on to other guy : repeat.
You're just dating around, being human. I don't think you're a player. And if that guy was doing the same as you, he wasn't being a player by dating around, either.
As many people would say; if you don't date around - how do you know what you want?
I am a female, and I have been in the "player" situation for awhile now. It's fun at first, but then it tends to become lonesome after some time. Then, you start to find yourself wanting a relationship, and THAT is when you start to find yourself interested in guys that are only "players." It's a vicious cycle... just keep that in mind.
Just be upfront about it and make sure everyone knows to avoid misunderstandings...
@icicle84@xanga - well said,=)
@icicle84@xanga - First comment, which also happens to be the best one.