Miss Ostrich I hate not being able to solve all of the problems of the person I'm dating.
My ex suffers from depression.While we dated, he would not take his medication (usually by mistake), then he'd have episodes where all I could do was hold him and tell him he'd be okay. There was nothing else I could do. At first I would tell him he was just being paranoid or try to talk him out of it, but he told me to stop and just let him have his fit. I blamed myself for not being able to help more, and it always hurt to watch him cry while he told me I had to sit back and watch.
My current boyfriend is going through some trouble with deciding whether he wants to transfer to a new college or not, which is putting a lot of strain on him and his family.
The family doesn't understand his frustration with his not getting what he wants out of college and refusal to waste another year somewhere he hates. He can't decide what he wants. He's upset, and I can't do anything. I can't tell him where to go, what to tell his family, or what he wants out of his future. I gave him my opinion, but I can tell it didn't stick. So now, I have to just nod, hold his hand, and hope everything works out.
The best thing to do in these situations is just be there to support them in what they decide is best for them, but still, I wish there was something I could do to make everything better.
Do you ever feel like you're helpless to make your SO feel better? What do you do in these kinds of situations?
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Comments (19)
I think that's all you can do. You're already being a great girlfriend by sticking by him and his decision. -You're absolutely right. You can't tell him what to do and no matter what you say he's going to do what he wants.
It's all frustrating, sitting there and feeling so helpless (trust me we've all been there) but really, it's in these moments where your relationship strengthens. -He's going to need you to lean on as a pillar of strength and encouragement.
He's going to see that even though his family doesn't understand him, you do...and that's what really matters =)
while as a girlfriend we would love to do more for our significant other, we have to know that sometimes somethings are out of our hands. We can say what our opinion and be there for them, but that''s it. whether they listen or not is up to them. And well sometimes I wish that too. So I can lift them up and way from their burdens =T
I think you are doing the right thing. Unless they need real advice you actually have at hand from some area that you are expert in, then what they really need is just someone to talk to or actually talk at. Most people just want a shoulder to cry on and not really a solution.
Yup. My boyfriend has Krohn's, and when things get really hard for him because of it, all I can do is be there for him. I do him favors, and ask him if there's anything at the store I can get him, etc.
If he's having a particularly anxiety-filled day, which is sometimes the case, he really appreciates when I take the time to just hold his hand, or sit next to him and put my head on his shoulder. The little things like that, he really likes.
Yea I do feel helpless when my girlfriend is down, I try my best to help her but there is nothing really nothing I can do. I just hold her and give her all the love I can. Hopefully, It works for you and yours.
~Alexx
i think your doing all you can do as well. men sometimes just need someone to listen to them.. not neccesarily give them advice or fix their problems.. it takes a lot for them to open up so just feel better because of the fact that he does come to you and tell you what bothers him..
My exboyfriend, as of like 2 days ago, is going through depression. It's what broke us up in the end. Thing was I felt so super helpless. He wanted to know he fixed his life on his own, and so he didn't want to turn to me for anything. Since he is also in a depression his whole world begins to focus around him and how he feels, there was no room left for me.
Sometimes when there's nothing left to do, all you can do is wait. Be supportive when they need you, but otherwise concentrate on your own life until it's solved. While it kills to watch someone you care for or love go through something like this, you can't bring yourself down in the process. Your life has to continue to go somewhere, so focus on you right now, and help him when he needs you to.
My answer to your question why can't there be a magic wand to solve relationship problems...
Because life isn't perfect so as relationships. Problems will come along the way and all we have to do is deal with it.
I use to date a guy who would ask for my advice, then blatently ignore it.. even if it was honestly the best option. It's funny, because even after we broke up he'd call for advice.. Finally one day I told him to stop asking if he wasn't going to take it. I haven't heard from him in months now. :D
Give them a good talking to! Seriously - a kick in the ass.
I've been there. Down in the depths of sadness and self-pity. While I was grateful for those who were there for me and comforted me - they didn't help shit.
I, MYSELF, had to pull my sorry ass out of the abyss. But it took a good talking to, by one person, and by myself.
I think that's all you can do - support and comfort them. You can give them your opinions but most of the time, it'll be up to them to take it or not.
cuz relationships are not based on a magic wand.
it's based on you two to make it work.
I'll work on the magic wand after I make the teleporters so that LDRs wouldn't have to be so LD.
if i were religious, i would advise you to pray.. PREY, LITTLE ONE..
Well you're certainly doing your best to help him, and that is absolutely all you can do. My best friend actually suffers from depression and faces these fits on a daily basis. I can see your confusion seeing as how all of her boyfriends have come to me asking for help in how to handle this. Let him play it out, and try not to let it affect you as much mentally if sometimes the fits get out of hand, otherwise you'll only end up hurting yourself by making it to be too much for you. There's no use in letting it hurt you, and I'm sure you wish you could do more, but it's not you causing it. It's going to happen.
i feel helpless all the time, D:
because most of the things he's going through
(ie: finding a college, preparations, etc etc),
I havent been through yet, so I honestly cant help him..
& when his friends& he have an argument, i find
myself sitting there, watching. it's a horrible feeling ==
I feel helpless all of the time. I believe for ladies, it's called "that time of the month". I can't take the pain away from her, so it bugs me a lot. Also, whenever my girlfriend gets irritated with her mom or gets frustrated over something that is out of her power, I get worried. Whenever she gets mad at me, she doesn't really talk about what's wrong, which makes things difficult. I just try my best to make her happy whenever I have the ability to do so.
What don't I complain about not having a magic wand? Cause I believe things happen for a reason. There are reasons to us turning out a certain way usually. There shouldn't be any instant "make the problem go away" sort of things. The reason for this is because there are certain things that one must struggle to either obtain or keep. Educational completion documents, relationships, mortgages, car loans, etc. are all things we put effort into. Of course some people have it easier than others in certain departments, but there are areas where they have it more difficult. Ask the rich to do something they've never done before for several hours straight, they're not perfect.
Make him smile and forget about it for a little bit is the best you can do, I think.
I actually wanna see some guy comment on this. I think their opinion/advice will be much better than the girls.
You want to make him feel better? Just make sure he knows you're always there for him, through better or worst.
That's all he needs.