Monday, 30 March 2009
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Single Moms: Myth vs. Reality
Okay, so I am young (19), single and a mother of a baby girl (8 months). The thing that bugs me about dating now is that people assume things about me just because I have a child.Myth #1: You have a child; you must be easy.
FALSE. I have a child because I was in what I was told was a long term relationship. For me, our relationship fell apart after our daughter was born, though if I had been honest with myself it should have happened before her birth...ANYWAY!Myth #2: You have a child so you must expect me to be your child's stand-in dad.
FALSE. My child has a dad; you are not him. Even if her father is not always around, I don't expect you to be his stand-in. I do, however, expect you to get along with my child. If you don't like kids, then we shouldn't be talking. If my child doesn't like you, there is obviously something wrong with you and we shouldn't be talking.Myth #3: You have a child; we will never have time alone.
FALSE. I have a very large support group and my child is loved by a lot of people; those people are more than willing to babysit her so that I can go out for a few hours or for the night.Myth #4: You had a child young, so you must be unintelligent.
FALSE! Just because I am a young mother does not mean that I am uneducated. I am actually quite intelligent and can hold my own in a conversation.Myth #5 (My personal favorite): You have a child; you must want to be with her dad.
FALSE! Her father and I aren't together for a reason (or for multiple reasons). Not to mention I am DATING. Shouldn't that alone tell you that I don't want to be with him?Myth #5: You have a child, so you must only be looking for a serious relationship.
TRUE. I have a kid, so guess what? I don't want people in and out of my life. Of course I don't want to just dive into a serious relationship; you work up to that via dating However, if you meet my kid or I am saying I'd like you to, things are getting serious for me; if you don't feel the same way, you need to speak up.I know there are more myths about being a young, single mom, so do you know any?
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About the Author
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- From: El_Prego_Nikki@xanga
- About Me: Nicole, 18, mommy, pulling myself together.
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Comments (30)
When I was a single mom, I always felt like guys I would be interested in looked at me like I was a slut or something. I hated that. "she has a kid, she probably doesn't know his daddy...
So far from the truth...
Yes! I agree!! Guys always assume those things... ugh.
I think this is maks you more beauty than you are babi
I am a single mother, as well. She's only 6 weeks old, but I've already had a guy (who is a father himself) telling me that we couldn't really be in a relationship because of my daughter...so even though he has a kid, he can't be with anyone else that has a kid? That's SPECIFICALLY why I was looking for a dude with a kid.
And I do feel that I get viewed as being dirty or having something so wrong with me that my bf left me even though we have a child...
I am so sorry you get fasley accused of those sterotypes :( I am not a mom so I cannot relate very well. But I can see how it would be frustrating
"You're irresponsible because you had a child young," which could be very true since you had a child based on the word of a partner that you would be in a long term relationship.
All of those stereotypes are real though. They may not apply to you or the other single moms that write here, but they do work for some people. Which is why Child Services and adoption agencies stay in business.
AWESOME POST! I will have a child in August and I will also be a single mom! Take that men!
*Sigh*. . . . .i dont know why single mom's depress me?_?
Thank you for this post!!!!
We need more women smashing single mommy stereotypes (I think). :)
I maybe way off base here, but single dads experience this too. Single women wont give me a second thought because I have a daughter. I am 22 and everyone thinks of me as foolish. My daughter is my pride and joy, she will ALWAYS come first, so why is it that women get upset if you don't give them as much attention as you do your child? Even worse, some women cannot handle the fact that she already has a mother and that, that woman is part of my life forever. Seems to me that this young parent thing goes both ways.
@yinyang1018@xanga - True.
But in most cases, I think "single moms" are more stereotyped than "single dads." It's one of those double standards in society. Over all, I give you props for being a single dad and putting your child first before any other women in your life. I don't see that happening a lot now a days.
Uhh. Can't think up of any more x: .
Good luck with the baby ~
@jeezshoua@xanga - I agree
I think its ridiculous how society lets fathers off the hook. Alot of them dont want to accept their responsibilities. I don't see how they wouldnt want to cherish something so beautiful though. But yeah, I think thats why mothers get stereotyped more than fathers. Male dominated society sucks ass, we're dumbasses.
no matter what your age men do look at women in that way. I am a single mother and in my late 30's I get all of the above ALL the time.
It's kind of weird how single moms are looked down upon, but single dads [like the bachelor] are so cute/responsible/whatever...
@Imnotcrazyjustinsane@xanga - true... kinda like the stud perception guys get when they sleep around...
my mom was a single mom of three for a long time. What sucked for us was that she would date and bring them home to meet us and after a couple of weeks they would bolt. It's not like my brothers and I were bad kids either, we wanted to see our mom happy again. I hated seeing her get dumped so much.
DUDE.
Im a single young mother too. And I am dating someone. And I feel like the guy I'm with shouldn't have responsibility for my kid because she isn't his. Even tho i feel like i want my boyfriend to be a father-figure to my daughter, I pull away from the subject because I know hes not ready to be that father figure.
But all these myths, I cant believe guys would think that way about single moms. I really think guys shouldn't judge, and understand there is a situation behind the child and father of the child. Being a single mother is hard, and i think any guy that would want to be in a relationship with a single mom really stepped past that judgmental stage and actually loves you...
OK so my baby's father's new girlfriend just messaged me on Facebook (She is a mom, too.). She fits SO many of the stereotypes that I just blogged about earlier. What a disappointment.
Lets see. She's uneducated (case in point: she misspelled over half of the message, including the words "too", "momma" and "really"), she is easy (her nickname, according to HIS friends, is "smutjawn" because she "spreads like peanut butter") and she wants my baby's father to be "a big part of her daughter's life" (though she said it with more typos).
*sigh* Thanks for blowing half of my freaking myths...
Okay ... That's a nice post, but I read the rest of your posts & I get the vibe you DO wanna be with your baby's daddy. Yeah, you're dating, but deep down inside you're hoping he still comes around.
BUT on the bright side, you ARE trying to move on... though you are going about it terribly wrong by dating other people...
I'm seeing a women who has children and this post cleared up a big question mark I had with being a stand-in dad.
@inn0centanqelx89@xanga - Actually, if you knew me and the way my mind works you'd know that I want nothing to do with him. I'm happier with him out of my life and will be even more happy when I no longer have to deal with him unless we're at court. See, that is the problem with the internet, you can read the same thing that my friends read and take it a completely different way. Deep down inside I want to take back my time with him and the things that I gave him that I can never get back. Deep down inside I hope terrible things happen to him so that I never have to deal with him or his bullshit.
agreed.
haha, i dunno if thats a myth about mom's not putting out. im sure YOU arent like that if you say you arent... but all the single mothers I know sleep around a LOT. theyre just crazy careful about BC.
this was an awesome read. im glad there are people who use xanga that arent bored 12-16 year olds