Your ex is honestly a dickweed. He's selfish, from the way it sounds, and seriously needs to get over himself.

A is obviously insecure about something. I guess, it might have to do with the fact that 'Dan' broke it off with her... and you broke it off with Dan. Somewhere in there, I think she's mostly just curious about.. well, why? If I were in your position, I'd talk to her about it. I mean, what could it hurt? She already hates you, right? Talk to her, and maybe you can sort her out. You don't really have anything to lose, yes?

Dan needs to grow up. He probably thought that the way he was acting was okay- I mean, he's had exes, and they seem to like him just the way he is (a selfish pig). In his mind, he probably thought he was doing good by you, where as in reality, he never really did.

It's hard to stop caring. I mean, it's really hard. When you break it off with them, it isn't exactly as clean-cut as it sounds. It's actually rather messy in most cases. You apologized because you still cared about him- and that's something you really can't get rid of so easily. You may have also felt bad for him- he was crying, right? You don't hate him, 'cause you care. You want to be friends, 'cause you care. See where I'm going with this?

I would say drop him like a bad habit and walk away.  I try my best to get along with my exes, eventually they find a new girl-thing and disappear.  So I would say just drop him and and hang out with your girls.  They can make you feel better.  Best of luck.

as everyone else probably have said, he;s a douchebag. he won't get you and understand your worth. he's still onto his other exes, and well... you should just simply ditch him. he's not healthy for you. if a guy would say that after yout ell him you have a tumor, then he's not worth it.

when girls really get me angry I get really, really angry and I scream things like "BITCH, I'M GOING TO COME TO YOUR ROOM AT NIGHT AND CUT YOUR THROAT!"  And it generally resolves most issues.

he probably will always be more or less like that.   doesn't mean he doesn't care, just means he's a jerk.

Because you're nice, you apologize.  you feel bad.  it's natural.

i do... my ex-bf wasn't quite as jerky but he was really just tuned out to other people's feelings... like when i told him i liked him (when i had a crush on him) he told me he liked his ex (lesbian) gf.
6 months later he decided to tell me that had actually been a lie he just hadn't wanted to admit to me that he liked me back

then when he broke up with me, after a year of dating (things were strained so i was actually planning on breaking up with him, only i was planning on doing it in person and making sure everything was clear) he texted me a response and then the breakup out of the blue, it was like
"hah, yeah, we were watching zombie movies.  so yeah... i think we should just be friends.  call me if you need to."

he repented and asked if we stood a chance again later, but i was happy it was done with.

She's probably nuts. I imagine she's after Dan and has a sick obsession with you because she wants to know why you were so important (and possibly emulate you) or wants to create an image of your in her mind that will allow her to stroke her ego. Confront her. Get a phone number, and IP address, message her on FB. Tell her that you KNOW. That you think it's pathetic (or whatever you REALLY think) and that's time she grew up and moved on. Don't ever relay that you feel she's ruined your life. It sounds like she'll probably just enjoy that.

It sounds like Dan is juggling what he wants to be and what he is/other are making him become. Check back in a few years--he may have grown up and ditched some of those friends. I imagine that part of his nature JUST DOESN'T GET IT, even though it seems as though he can have good intentions.

He was a huge part of your life, it sounds like you've taken a lot of crap from him over the years, and you're in a vulnerable position where he is moved on and you haven't. It makes sense that you would feel at fault, fairly submissive and much more willing to be open if only to cut your losses.

You're not, but yours is pretty bad. I've had many cases of boyfriends who ignore my wishes (pretty simple ones: don't get smashed, don't flirt with that tramp, tell your friend to stop calling me a slut and starting rumors) and who then carry on relationships with horrible people in spite of my attempts for friendship. This guy, Dan, seems like a TOTAL piece of work. I think you got pretty unlucky with him--it might be best to start without him.

1. Ignore her as best as you can. If you've got any accounts that she particularly stalks, make them private. Delete them and create new ones if you have to. They know your whole name, so don't put your whole name on those accounts if they search for you. If they lose your accounts and can't find the new ones, they'll eventually forget about it / move on / get a life. If not, you can always take it to the police; but that's only if it grows particularly burdensome.

2. I don't think he respected you much from the beginning. Like, you told him how certain things he was doing was bothering you and he ignored that. He kept doing it, and he told you all about how it was okay, he wasn't doing anything, etc. If he actually cared, he would have automatically jumped to do something to clear it up with you. Him saying "Darling, would you like me to not talk to my x's so much?" would have sufficed.

---- The alcohol isn't any excuse. Alcohol only helps the person do something that they already want to do. It makes people loose, not stupid. Him wanting to get drunk around her again, even though he already knows what happened the last time, is proof of this. It's proof that he obviously saw nothing wrong with kissing another girl while with you. That, is a problem.

---- There's nothing to worry about because "she likes some guy now anyways"? In other words, if she stops liking that guy, he'll make a move on her?

3. It's not healthy to hate anybody. It fills you with horrible feelings that can devour your heart. Hate is a strong word, a strong emotion, and it's foul. Definitely not something you want to be filled with. You not hating him is a good thing, because that would most likely hurt you more than it would him. Though, maybe you're still hurting from the relationship ending like that. In your last post you were talking about how Greg and you were perfect ex's. Well, in that situation you both have common sense. In this one, only you have common sense; so you can enforce the ex rule all by yourself. It's possible. It sounds like he's going to be the type to be a jerk no matter what, to never grow up. One of those exes who is either in a relationship with you, or who is gone. Go for the latter.

4. You aren't the only one going through this mess. You're definitely not. Many women and men alike have insanely horrible exes. Luckily, I'm not one of them. I do wish you luck though, I think that you going through this is an insane form of torture.

I definately could relate, but would prefer to talk to you in messege over my personal matters haha.

Oh, my story's pretty crazy...but I definitely can't get into it here. I almost thought you might be my exes current gf (no, his name isn't Dan) because he's still talking with his ex (who IS A) and his ex (me...who is J) but he didn't date an M anytime recently, so you can't be her. Plus...he doesn't smoke pot and there's way more going on than just us being friends and getting close. We are close. But my friends hate him, nor does he have a xanga or facebook. But he does have myspace.

But...my story varies from yours and, like I said before, is WAY too long to explain here. We're going on 4 years of story.

1. What is A's problem? How can I stop the stalking and get my life back?

She's jealous that there was something between you and him at one point that she couldn't fully have for a time.  You were the "other woman" to her, and she'll hate you for that, even though it's not your fault, it's his for ever putting either of you in that kind of position.

2. Will Dan always be this way, or did he just never really care or respect me at all?

He'll most likely always be this way because, no offence, but he seems like the kind of guy who absolutely refuses to settle for anything short of being "free".  He likes the security offered in a relationship, but doesn't like being tied down to one person, so he goes about with other women as well.

3. Why did I apologize to HIM after we broke up for telling him I hate him, because sadly, I don't hate him. Why don't I hate him? Why do I want to be friends with him? Why ARE we still friends?

On some level, you probably still love him or are getting over him.  You feel bad for hurting his feelings even though he hurt yours ten times worse.  Honestly, i'd say drop him as friends at this point.  It's not going to make things any better.  Maybe if he grows up a bit, friendship would be possible and even a good idea, but not now.

4. Do any of YOU have a story this horrible that you could possibly share? I can't possibly be the only person going through this nonsense, or can I?

Though it may not be as bad as this, i've got something to this effect.  My husband's ex girlfriend is his best friend.  When we got married, we did a small ceremony at his mother's home (called a 'we come to you!' service for the solemnizer).  The only two witnesses were his mother and her.  We found out the day before, while we were confirming everything with everyone, that she had been talking to his mother a lot recently.  She started telling his mother how he's not ready to be married and several other things as if she'd heard them from him.  Apparently, she was trying to sew the idea of doubt into her head so that we'd lose a witness and wouldn't be able to get married the next day.  Since our marriage, she's gone about picking fights with me every time she's around, and trying to be cuddly and sexual with him, despite both of us getting clearly angry over it.

I know a girl like A, so I can empathize. Just think of it this way. How sad is it that A had to get Dan drunk before she could get anything to happen between them? A is a disrespectful skank. Frankly, you are better off without any of these people in your life. Dan and A deserve each other.