Saturday, 28 March 2009
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I Know It's Wrong, But I'm Cheating with My Ex
My ex dumped me almost three and a half years ago after we had a year and a half relationship. He wasn't my first BF, but he was the first one I truly loved. After the breakup, he blocked me on MSN, Facebook, everything. I haven't really let go of him ever since the day he left me, but at least I won't call him or contact him. Because we go to the same college, we would occasionally bump into each other. For the first few times, we would just walk right past each other without saying hi or making more than a second of eye contact.
A year ago, he unblocked me on MSN (I never blocked him), and asked if I wanted to be FWB with him. He had/has a GF and I had/have a BF. He made it clear that he didn't love me anymore and that our relationship would just remain as FWBs. I agreed. I was lying to myself to think that he still loved me. In fact, he showed that he doesn't because he never said "I love you," no sweet talk, not even a kiss on the lips.After we'd have sex, he would block me once again and disappear from my life. At the same time, he re-opened my wounds. I started to miss him more and more and hoped that he would find me again. And a few months later, he messaged me again. The cycle continued until now. I do feel guilty and ashamed of myself. I don't know why I'm doing this to myself and cheating on my BF with my ex. I know this is totally wrong, but I just can't reject my ex. I had quite a number of exes, but he is the only one that I still can't let go and forget. He is the only one who can make me cheat on my BF. I tried blocking and deleting him on MSN many times but I'd just add him back again.
He can see through me. I don't know if he knows that I still love him because I just act as if I don't have any feelings for him and that I'm just playing the f-buddies game with him. I wonder if he actually loves his GF. I mean, if he can cheat like this, does he really love her? For me, I love my BF, but I also still love my ex. I know the answer is clear - let go and just forget about this ex who is not worth loving because he is just treating me as a toy. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes when I miss him too much at night.
Today, I blocked him and deleted him on MSN again...I don't know when or if I will ever get over this guy.
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Comments (303)
I definitely can understand where you're coming from. I don't have a bf but I have an ex that I'm still in love with and he knows that he could just call me up and I'd be over there in a heartbeat. I'm just in denial about our relationship being completely over. We dated for 3 years and have been broken up for almost 6 months or so. Know this: men can have sex without feelings. If he doesn't love you and has told you to your face but still has sex with you...he's just using your body for satisfaction. Know this. If you still want to be a f-buddy...do it. But don't do it with the intention of winning him back. Plus I just read a book that said that a lot of men cheat because there are women out there willing to cheat with them. Plus know that karma is a bitch. Be careful dear.
it's gonna be really hard since you haven't let go of your feelings of him, but the safest way to go is not believe that there's a chance things could change. past is past, if he really wanted to be with you, you'd mean more than just a "FWB" situation.
you're letting yourself get even more hurt thinking if you hold on there's a chance he could come back, when all this time could instead be spent trying to make yourself happier. cause what if he does come back, so what? if he can cheat on his girlfriend, he can just as easily do the same to you. if he doesn't care about you, it's his loss. if anything were to change, it would have already.
"the ones who make you cry aren't worth your tears, but the ones who are won't make you cry." hope you feel better, =)
Eh?
That is a very...I don't even know what to say!
that's just plain wrong.
you need to cut ties with the ex completely and let go of the bf of yours because you are clearly playing him for a fool as well.
cheating is cheating and i dislike cheaters.
Its not fair for your current BF...
you should really take some time off and think about what you really want. This cant go on like that..
I had a similar situation not to long ago. If he doesn't love you then why put yourself through this? You are going to get hurt and hurt your new bf. Be careful!
You don't deserve both of them. Come clean with your boyfriend and stop fucking around man, you're totally wronging your boyfriend. Forget your ex. If you come back to him, how would you know that he would just fuck around with another girl while he's in a relationship with you? You're just a toy.
Sorry for being harsh, but sometimes people gotta get slapped on the face (virtually) and realize what's right.
Your EX is using you. You know he is using you...Stop being used. If you can't, then you may need counseling from a professional.
If this self-destructive pattern doesn't stop, it will continue to do damage to your relationship and to future relationships.
A perfect post as to why I absolutely will not go exclusive with anyone. :) No one is trustworthy, not even myself, let alone a potential bf for me, so I deal with trying to be on my own.
I've got more important things to worry about then where my bf is if he's still sneaking around with his ex he may or may not be over with.
yes you should be very ashamed of yourself, you whore.
but welcome to the club :)
i am not that different from you except for the fact that i'm still single and i have more self-control when it comes to sex.
my ex doesn't love me anymore but he said that he still cares about me.
he dumped me 2 months ago and just like you, i have yet to let him go and i still love him..A LOT!
but the good thing is that he said that he'll be here for me and he still wants me around so that he can hold me & such...
we are kind of like FWB..but we don't have sex or anything like that. although i would like to lose my virginity to him...but i'm still reconsidering about that.
a word of advice, your ex is a doucebag.
you can either forget about him..or shoot him dead.
if my ex was like yours..i'd break every bone in his body including that bone so he can't ever walk or function ever again.
All you can do is resist. Or tell your boyfriend. Don't let yourself be self-destructive.
you should probably just take some time off from boys period. fwb never turns out good. let yourself heal and learn who you are...
Sucks to be your boyfriend.
I promise you that you can/will eventually be able to move on. I let one of my ex-boyfriends haunt me for almost two years before I finally found someone else that made me all but forget the ex even exists.
Maybe things with your current boyfriend aren't as great as they seem?
If you're sure you want to be with your current boyfriend, stop talking to the ex. Do whatever you must in order to avoid him, and put everything that you have into your current relationship. It will help.
I was in a situation somewhat like this. The guy would use me as kind of a back-up plan whenever the other girls would leave him. As a matter of fact he called me last night sounding ever so pitiful. I think the best thing you can do is sever all ties to this man and move forward with your life. Delete him from your phone, email, IM, etc. and focus on your current boyfriend. Don't let your past hurt your present.
you should try talking to him. I really think a lot of ppl make decisions in their life without first really talking them heart to heart.
People, when you say "I know it's wrong, but I did this for a crazy reason", isn't this a warning never to do it. This woman has a freakin' boyfriend. It's no wonder more and more people are turning down opportunities to fall in love again. It is also no wonder people sleep around, instead of actually falling in love. I don't know any other way to respond.
@krispylicious@xanga - There was a Datingish post for that, too.
you're a very weak person. you need to cut ties with your bf because its messed up what you're doing to him. he may not know, but if he finds out its gunna hurt him more than if you just break up with him now. i don't care what you do with your ex, keep bangin' him if you want, you deserve to be treated like a toy if you're gonna let it happen. i can't stand cheaters, you're a bad person.
wow, you kinda suck :/
You know he's just using you. He's scum and you're giving in to him. Don't you have any self-respect? Next time he contacts you, be strong and tell him to F off! Then smile and walk away.
It's nothing uncommon. It's wrong, no doubt. But your ex will have a fond place in your memory (damn nostalgia!)
How much longer will you let this go on?
Get rid of the ex, because it seems like he's just using you as a fuck buddy whenever he hits a rough patch with his girlfriend. Ya know...if you analyze it with heavy cynicism, he's really mind-fucking you one-over very well!
i understand how difficult it is to let this be, but honey, you have to. you need to or you are never going to progress. i went through this same type of when i was in college. it will only get worse. especially because this guy has made it clear that he does not love you and will not love you. you are trying to relive this "love" that you are feeling by this guy, by allowing him to use you.
you have to think about your own health, sanity and dignity. you are better than that. you also need to be honest to the guy you are seeing him. you are not being honest and truthful to him.