It seems to me that everyone wants to be an advice columnist, because everywhere I go there's a guide that tells people how to function in relationships. Sure, maybe it's a harmless outlet that allows people to vent and share observations they've made. But it's counterproductive. These articles contain nothing but glaring generalizations and quite frankly, I don't want to be clumped with others based on one person's experience. When that happens, not only am I left with a bunch of sarcastic inner dialogue debating that person's article, but there's a chance that I'm going to be approached by someone who read that same article who's trying to apply whatever advice they've picked up. Even though it's not applicable.
I deeply regret to inform those that read this, but there is no guide that summarizes men or women.
There is also no guide that will provide the secrets to everlasting love, what men really want, what women really want, what either gender really thinks, how to tell someone is going to have an affair, how to buy the perfect gift for the "person that has everything" (seriously though, if someone has everything why are you buying them more shit?), how to break up with someone/ask someone out while avoiding fallout, why "nice guys finish last", and so on and so forth. All these articles really do, is create a place where you become that overwhelming paranoid boyfriend or girlfriend that's constantly trying to suck out any sense of characteristic and individuality your relationship may have. And, if you're really unlucky, end up playing a key role in destroying those relationships when you try to use advice that isn't applicable to your situation.
I'm not sure where people get this belief that people and situations aren't influenced by external and internal forces, which significantly change the dynamics of those people and situations. It's naive and irritating, especially when people complain that they can never find successful relationships. People are having affairs with these articles and wondering why, even with advice, things don't work out. It's comparable to this Twilight craze, where girls are now hysterical over this ficticious vampire guy and are wondering why they can't find guys like him in the real world.
People don't come from one template; everyone is different and situations are much more complex than they seem. Grow up and start dealing with your problems in your relationships instead of relying on other people's experiences over the internet to do it for you. I know it's scary to actually have to face things for yourself, but really? Generalizing all women's desires to "cuddles, flowers and a man that dresses well" is stupid. And what I've learned about guys wanting someone who "won't challenge him or make him feel less masculine" is equally as appalling.
Ask for advice if you want, compare what you will if you must, but have the brains to stop declaring that these "guides" are more than personal observations made from 1 of 7 billion people on the planet. The human psyche is not so easily explained.
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Comments (14)
nice points. great perspective.
People who sent posts to Datingish are confused and need an outside perspective. You shouldn't judge them for that, but you have a point. No one really knows your situation as well as yourself. That's why you have the free will to take or dismiss the advice being given.
I only give advice according to the information being provided. With a limited perspective, I can only give you a limited answer. What someone does with it is entirely up to them.
cheers.
i say ay!
All relationships are unique. However, when offered personal advice - especially from close friends - listen to it, even if you don't follow it. Sometimes they see things you can't.
M
Very true. Guides just provide guidelines, but issues have to be truly considered on a case-by-case basis because of the 9555892 variables in every problem.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - Ditto.
I truly hope this becomes a featured post. Everyone needs to recommend this.
@sonnigenmai@xanga - While it sounds like you've learned this, sadly your advice is right but not well taken. It's not always inclined that the person will listen to the outside factor, especially when they tend to act like airheads on cloud nine. Advice is no substitute for experience; you can advise somebody not to do it, but they won't REALLY learn until it's too late. So, best thing I found to do is simply let it all happen. You did tell them so after all.
@Neurotically_Mine@xanga - That is pretty much what I do here. I relay some of my own personal experiences, but on other cases, I ask a LOT of people and listen to a lot of stories and intake their experiences; then try to find common grounds as my reasonings. I said my opinion on this thing, then they can either listen or reject it at that.
To the poster: The truth is that these magazines are basing their tips off of stereotypes. "The rich good looking guy is a player." "The ugly guy in your friend zone is a great listener and nice guy who isn't trying to get in your pants." "The fat guys are just lazy slackers who aren't worth wasting your time on." "Women with fake boobs have no self-confidence."
Funny as all hell really, as I've witnessed damn near all stereotypes that the magazines play were total bullshit. We're spoon-fed this bull-shit instead of using our own mouths and ears to talk to people. We've seem to lost the fact that talking to somebody is the fastest way to find out if you like somebody or not.
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - I'm in this situation right now. Its difficult because like you said, people would rather believe blind emmotion than the force of reason :( It hurts to watch someone suffer because they are learning the hard way.
M
true say
@sonnigenmai@xanga - Again. I know that pain and I know how it hurts. But it just doesn't pay in your best interest to lose your friend in that situation. You end up the fool and you lose your best friend.
Sorry. But, let it happen.
a lot of people don't have enough common sense or they are in pure denial, so they depend on psuedo-online preachers/dr.phils to slap them silly with common sense advice and biased experiences/stereotypes
"I don't want to be clumped with others based on one person's experience."
Bingo! You don't want to be put in boxes. Some people are like that. ;)
That said...these kind of books are not based on one person's experience...but some of them suck and some are good. Maybe you shouldn't generalize about dating books. LOL.
-Cuisine
While I do agree that those "guides" are stupid I really do think that the basics (wants and needs) for men and women are pretty... well, basic!