Although my relationship with Alex only lasted a month, I felt that month was the best time of my life. With him, I felt true love. In my eyes, everything about him just seemed so perfect, so amazing. He could be the one for me.
Then I began to notice how his mood changed and he seemed like a different person. He kept saying how much he didn't deserve me and kept asking if I was happy [with him]. He even asked me for the real reason why I broke up with my previous boyfriend. I knew something was wrong. But I kept doubting it. And it finally happened; he finally broke up with me.
He told me it wasn't my fault, but his own. He told me that he still likes me but just wasn't ready for a relationship at the moment. I wasn't sure what that meant.
I cried myself to sleep; he'd keep trying to comfort me. I didn't talk about it with anyone and kept my feelings bottled up. One day, we sat in the hallway outside our classroom doing particularly nothing and he hugged me, telling me how sorry he was. He laid his head on my shoulder and I didn't know what to do, so I laid mine on his because I wanted to know the feeling one last time. I was confused. Then I finally broke down in tears in front of him. I couldn't help it.
A few weeks after we broke up, he saw I was still sad and I finally had to admit that I missed him (he said he missed me too). Then he finally told me why he didn't want to be with me anymore. He was transferring to another college thousands of miles away and would probably only come home a few times a year. He felt that long distance relationships usually don't work out and so he didn't want one. He then added that during the summer, he would be going to the other side of the country for academic reasons. That meant that after the end of our freshman year of college, I wouldn't be able to see him as much. He felt he shouldn't let this relationship go on any longer because we wouldn't be able to see each other more than once every few months. He broke it off as soon as possible so that I could let go easier. He told me it was a mistake to have ever dated me in the first place because of all the pain he has caused me.
One night I became really sad and put up a really depressing away message on AIM. He gave me a call to find out what was wrong even though he already knew the answer. Throughout our conversation, he asked me if I would be okay if he left. I replied no. Then he said to me, "You'll get over it." I know I never will. I miss him so much. I just wish we were still together. I don't care about those thousands of miles. I don't care if we have to do a long distance relationship. Nothing's going to stop my feelings for him.
We're still close friends but nothing feels the same anymore. I still see him in school because I have a few classes with him. We still do the same things together, besides the kissing and holding hands. I feel like he's still treating me like I'm his girlfriend - he still randomly hugs me, pokes me, tickles me and walks me to class and do all the other dorky stuff he used to do with me. I don't know how to respond to that but I enjoy it because it makes me feel like we're still together. I want time to stop so that we can be together forever.
We were on webcam a moment ago, and he decided to show me things from when we were dating. He showed me his ticket to ice skating, which was the first time we held hands. He showed me his ticket to a movie we saw together and the 3D glasses that came along with it. He showed me a picture of him that I took and developed for my photography class. He showed me the teddy bear he bought with me. He kept everything that could remind him of me just like I've kept it, too
Every now and then, he'll tell me he's sorry for making me sad. After all this, I'm still confused about the way he feels about me. Does he really miss me, or was he just saying it to make me feel better? Were his reasons to why he broke up with me only an excuse and a bunch of lies so that I wouldn't be as sad than if he told the truth? Maybe the problem
was me. I know he still cares about me, but does he still have feelings for me, or am I just a friend?
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Comments (39)
i have gone through this...it sucks....eventhough you are willing to do so, but still suffer...where is him when you need him?....and, its hard to mantain such relationship....either one of you will change...although both of you have promised each other....my ex changed..the reason?..he cant always see me....and that girl, is always with him....that is awful....its better to be like this...perhaps one day, both of you will be together again rather than one day, one of you get hurt and hate each other....be tough...i know you miss him....you just need time....
LDRs hardly work anyway
Well, hmm... This sounds similar to my current situation. My boyfriend of three months just broke up with me on Monday, and I see him all the time too... He also started acting weird by saying he wasn't good enough for me, etc. etc... I told him I'm not sure how easy it will be for us to hang out the same (like you said... the same, without the kissing/hand-holding, etc.) I have a hard time drawing boundaries so early after a breakup. We live RIGHT BY each other, so I still pass him in the halls of our dorms all the time. It sucks. He also said he still has feelings for me, but doesn't want a relationship right now. He is also thinking of leaving school here... I was/am confused... One of my guy friends said sometimes guys just do that... they need to be alone to make decisions, and sometimes they just won't feel like a relationship is right, even if the feelings are still there. Guys are strange, I couldn't understand that, but the guys I talked to did. I would say he probably does still have feelings for you, but like he said, he probably didn't think long distance would work. I've had past relationships tell me long after it was over that they still cared about me, and that the way they felt about me had nothing to do with ending things, but the circumstances just didn't work out.
If I were you, I would try not to spend as much time with him... based on past relationships when I tried to keep being friends with someone immediately after a breakup, I would keep hoping maybe we could get back together, and it would just prolong things... I promise eventually the heartache will go away :) It might take some time, but it will. Good luck :)
@nrb2233@xanga - I agree. It'll only make the problem worse if you spend a lot of time with him. Because then, the old memories will come up. And it's confusing because he said he wants to break it off-yet, we still act like bf/gf without the kissing and other stuff.
It is him. If he could, he probably would, but an Long Distance Relationship is always difficult to maintain and your boyfriend has already thought this through.
It's going to suck to say this; but either try to persuade your boyfriend to make it work, or move on. You can't keep hurting yourself over this.
I've never been in a long distance relationship, so I may be stepping out of my boundaries here. But, maybe instead of spending so much time together, you two need to get used to the idea that he's leaving and should try and stay as apart as possible. How can you do that, you say? Keep you mind occupied on other things. Go shopping. Hang out with some friends. Try not to let him see you cry; it'll only make matters worse. You can also write down your feelings. Why are you angry? Why are you hurt? It's not good to keep all of that bottled in; it'll only make it worse. It's good to cry though; crying is a healthy emotion that God has given us; it makes us feel better when something bad has happened. Find a good trusted friend (make sure they're not ones that will blab all of your business out) and talk to them. It'll make you feel better, I promise.
I promise you, it will get better. Take it one day at a time. You all were in this relationship for a while, so it'll take a while to get over him.
i've just stated a relationship with my Shanghai bf for a month ~ we're both studying in Japan and we've just graduated from a language school ~ after tomorrow ~ i'll have to go back to Hong Kong but he'll bestaying in Japan for 2 more years for a master degree ...
he always says he's sorry cos he couldn't marry me right now to let me stay with him and he promises me that he'd never leave me ~ if i still have feelings for him after 2 years ~ we'll get married ~
i understand how you feel right now ~ it really sucks to break up with someone just because of the LDR ... so ~ try to spend some quality time with him ~
LDR's suck. I might suck for you but he's not an asshole for choosing to stop the relationship over it. Staying in a LDR is a tough decision and not most can keep it up.
I'm sorry to hear what you're going through. I went through the same thing. BF broke up with me half a year ago despite us having a great relationship. The distance was the main reason--after I graduated in May, I moved back home while he stayed behind. We said we'd try the LDR out, and I was fine, he wasn't though. He also told me it wasn't my fault.
Like you guys, after we broke up, we maintained a really good relationship. I even spent New Year's Eve with him and his sister and we watched the firework and countdown together. We still talked on the phone at least half an hour a day. He stilled told me every few days how much he missed me. He still held my hand when we were out, and he still cuddled with me when we watched a movie at his place.
But things got so gray that I went through an emotional roller coaster ride. I was happy because he made me feel that we were still together and he still cared deeply about me. But there were days when I bawled my eyes out because I couldn't claim him as my boyfriend....we were "friends." So finally I asked him what he wanted from me, and he said "friendship" so I finally broke it off completely with him.
The dramatic thing is, a week later, he called and said, "Do you want to get back together?" Apparently he missed me so much without talking with me that he re-evaluated the LD thing, and is willing to change to make it work. We're in the "thinking" process and haven't been talking..I made up my mind that I'm gonna get back with him if he gives me a good reason, but who knows, he may change his mind the next time we talk and we may still not be together. But the point is, put some space in between the two of you. Don't let it get gray, because I know how depressing and confusing it is when you don't establish that boundary...
Good luck. If you want to talk about anything more, just leave me a message.
I happen to know that LDRs can work.
@bella_esperanza@xanga - We know that. It CAN work, but odds are that it won't. As stated before, he's reluctant to accept her for this crutch of his. If she can persuade him to make it work, fine. If not, then she should move on because for her to keep hurting herself like this is bad for her.
if he broke up with you, he needs to really do it and not just say it. quit acting like you are dating and that will help you get over it faster.
wow that suck.
But he seems to really just want you to let it go for now instead of holding it longer, when it is even harder to let go.
i hope you feel better now :D
He thought this through, some people are not strong enough for long distance. If he thinks he is not up to it, it's better for both of you that he let go now, instead of waiting till he cheats on you.
Honestly, there's no one to blame for this situation, he probably still likes you a lot but (as you wrote) feels better if he stops it before it becomes way more complicated.
yep my boyfriend dumped me before college due to the LDR thing too. you will get over it. it will take a while but it will happen.
Aw, sorry. :/
It's hard to say, but I think he means what he says x: . It's true, some LDR doesn't work, but some do too.
Spend less time with him.
this is to vampuke@xanga.com
Long distance relationships do work, I've been with my girlfriend for over a year and she happens to live 3 hours away. I'm also not the only one in a long distance relationship almost everyone I know that is in one they're still going at it.
god
this shit happened to me, too.
fucking it's not easy being the one that lets go of the person. sigh. this just totally brought back two memories.
fuck me -_-
One, quit feeling sorry for yourself. Two, you two have just been dating for a month. In time, you'll eventually get over it and move on. It's hard to move on now because you still see him around, spend time with him, and your feelings for him hadn't change.
I applaud him because rather than prolonging this relationship when he knows it's not going to work (at least for him, anyways), he ended it. You'll thank him one day for ending this now than later. Obviously, he thought about it and it's not going to work best for him. But then again, if he really wanted to be with you and try to make it work, he would of stayed and maintain the long distance relationship.
Long distance relationships does work. It just depends on the two parties involved if they both are willing to make it work.
I hate to say this, but seriously, it's only a month. If you had been going out for like years and this had happened, it would've felt a lot more sympathy for you.
Stop making him feel GUILTY for breaking up with you. He did what was best for him. My ex is doing that to me now, and even when I gave the relationship another try it was only because I felt guilty. In the end what ended up happening was I would pick unnecessary fights with him because I hated him for making me feel guilty and thus force me back into a relationship that I didnt wanna be in.
Trust me... start going out with you friends more. Try to be busy with organizations and clubs in school. Focus on getting that 4.0 instead of worrying about him. It helps and you WILL move on. Oh and stop talking to him so much.
Being apart like that is probably best, I mean would you rather go through the hurt now, or later when things are more serious, and it's harder to let go. I think if you guys are really meant to be, it'll all work out in the end, later. For now I guess just go about your life, and work on things that pertain to you. Because chances are, why LDR's don't normally work is, you're both away, far away, and the both of you will change, and grow, but not with eachother. If you two grow individually apart, you might find later that you two are better friends than if you were in a relationship together, a friendship is better than no relationship at all. I hope it all works out for you, until then, just hang in there! <3
@stevenwonder@xanga - Agreed. I've been with my bf for almost 2 years now and he lives 8 hours away from me.
@Eternal_Nocturne@xanga - Odds are that HER relationship with him won't work because his heart isn't in making it work. But also, there are a lot of LDRs that ARE working.
Long distance relationships arent the best thing, dont get me wrong some people can do it without a problem. but its frustrated because u want to see the person so bad and its not like u can get up and jump in your car and go see that someone special. so its frustarting and it takes alot of patients. so yeah i kind of see why he broke it off because he is probably the type that cant handle not seeing that someone special ya know? and u should give him that much respect for looking out for your feelings.
as for you i think u should jjust not worry about what he is thinking, or even yall getting back together and about the "what ifs" but just focus on spending as much time as u can before he leaves. if its meant for yall to be together then trust me in the long run yall will end up back together. no not on your time which sucks but it will happen and all u can do is be patient.
In personal opinion, this guy actually does sound kind of sweet. At least he told you now, instead of waiting around trying to "get some" or something right up until he left. He valued your feelings and let you go early.
It is important for him to go to school, and if you genuinely care for him you'll be happy he's going. It's always nice to think of the person being more important than schooling, but to be 100% honest there's enough time in for school AND for romance, and unfortunately for a lot of people if you don't go right after school.. it never gets done.There's nothing saying that you might not meet up down the road, but don't hold on to that. Just try and be happy. It sounds like he cares for you, but that doesn't necessarily mean he's going to be "in love" with you.Â