Thursday, 26 March 2009
-
Dear Dr. Datingish: Is He My Friend, BF or Makeout Buddy?
Almost two weeks ago, I met this guy and we connected. One major problem is that he's seven years older than I am - I am underage but we haven't had sex. I still liked him and wanted to get to know him better, so we decided to hang out and I found a way to sneak out to meet him.We made out and I haven't seen him since - that was a week ago. He was supposed to come over yesterday, but I was going through a dead zone and he wasn't getting my texts, so he made plans with his friends instead. I was really mad about this; I really wanted to see him. He felt bad about the situation and tried making plans for another day, but I will be busy for a while.
He knows I'm a virgin and doesn't want to push anything. He hasn't texted me all day; he's been ignoring my texts and I have no idea what to do.
A friend of mine says he may just be using me because he has a sexual attraction to me, but I don't want to give him up. What should I do?
Got a question for Dr. Datingish? Send it to us at datingish.com/submit-post!
RecommendRelated Posts
Post a Comment
- Back to datingish's Datingish Site!
- Note: your comment will appear in datingish's local time zone: GMT -05:00 (Eastern Standard - US, Canada)
Comments (33)
Try calling him? Maybe he's been busy and that's why he hasn't responded. If he doesn't call you back, I would say he's not worth it!
I'll be honest with you cause you seems like a really nice girl... "He's just not that into you."
I've said this a million times, but women make way too many excuses for men. -If he WANTED to call you, he would have done so already; let alone 'ignore' you.
Move along hun, this guy just isn't worth it.
Agreed with eternal_relevance - it seems like he's just not that into you, and I think a lot of that might be due to discomfort over your age gap and the difference in experience levels. You only met two weeks ago and have to sneak out to see him, but you seem to be expecting/desiring to lose your virginity any day now (a move that your parents could bring him to court over since you're a minor, regardless of if you consented to having sex). I'm guessing he might be rethinking his previous actions (flirting? kissing? making out?) that led you to think that the two of you are possibly dating, hence why he seems to be ignoring your texts. It seems like he might not want it to get any further than it already has gone, but isn't sure of how to tell you so he's ignoring you until he figures it out.
It's probably not what you want to hear, but I think you should cut him loose (or keep him strictly as a friend, nothing more) and find someone your own age that you connect with on a romantic level.
not worth it.
Sounds sketchy. I'd say your friend is onto something :/
I'd drop it if I were you. Nothing good may come out of this. :/
I was in a similar situation but had just turned 18, and it didn't work.
my advice is to date someone closer to your age.
guys sometimes feel weird about large age differences, and the fact that you're underage seems to make him uncomfortable.
cut him loose.
you were hook-up potential until you shot that business down. also YOU ARE UNDERAGE!
date guys your own age.
you are under age. and if he does anything more he can get into big trouble that will haunt him the rest of his life. i would find some one as underage as you are to hang with.
In this case I would say age has everything to do with everything. You are underage that means you two are nothing and even making out can land him in jail! Wait until you are 18 then worry about older guys. I am 35 and my girl is 19 but I would not do anything with a girl under 18 ever! I don't want to go to jail. And if you like him I am sure you don't want him to go to jail either. So leave it a lone and wait until you are legal.
Sounds like he could be using you... I don't think a relationship could form out of this.. but seven years? That's far too much of a gap.. I'm sorry.
Okay, let's look at it from two angles.
The positive side: It wasn't really his fault that he didn't get your texts, and he offered to make it up. He might just be angry that you were angry, and might care about you the same in the same way. To answer the title of the blog, I wouldn't call him your boyfriend if you haven't decided that it's official, but he's not just a friend, either. I'll leave the last one out because it sounds mean. Call him and talk to him. If you can call instead of text, it'd probably be better for some kind of confrontation. Texts aren't exactly demanding or menacing when it comes to digging for information.
The negative side: Yeah, you've heard it before. He's 7 years older than you, and you're underage. I'm sure you know tons of legal conflicts could arise from this if anything goes wrong. 7 years, in this case, has a really big impact on the relationship. He might not be all that interested, and if he breaks your heart, it seems it wouldn't hurt him nearly as much as it would hurt you. Find a better guy.
Good luck!
He's not your friend or your boyfriend. Bluntly to say, he's just your make out buddy. If he's ignoring your texts and not replying back, he's no longer interested. Besides, you're underage and he is seven years older. Most likely, he just want to get under your pants.
Well, how do you know he's ignoring your texts? Maybe he's got other things on his plate and he can't reply right now. Why is texting your only mode of communication?
I wouldn't necessarily write him off yet, but I'd go ahead and call him or something. Wait a day or two, see if he tries to contact you, and if he doesn't - call him and see what's up.
After that, if he still doesn't seem too interested in you (Because really, he doesn't. But that could just be because he's busy.) it'd be a safe bet to say that he actually isn't interested in you.
It's too soon to say what he actually wants, though.
Using you.
Honestly, your friend is probably right--and he's trying to ditch you because he knows he's not going to get any. I had the same problem by dating a 25-year-old guy (I'm 19.) I told him I'm waiting until marriage to have sex, he said okay and let it drop. I thought that meant that he was okay with it and was going to respect that--but he just ended up pushing me silently and finally broke up with me because I wouldn't sleep with him. He was a good guy, too, and I really, REALLY liked him. But he when he had originally told me "okay," what he meant was "okay, I'm going to change your mind about this."
Guys like that won't change. Just drop it before you get really attached and have you heart broken like I did.
If you're underage, you have no business with him.
hes prolly using you, i say stay away. save yourself for someone who cares.
I say cut him off because your going to end up getting hurt in the end. Leave him alone and find someone your age. its obvious he is looking for someone thats more experiance and who does more then making out, obviously your not one of those people sense u are a virgin. i know its hard to let go of someone u really like but try your best to get over him because nothing is going to come out of this relationship...Another thing is that your probably to clingy for him its only been two weeks and your already like this guy way to much then u should in a matter of time. thats also another reason he could be a little distance because your being that way. whatever the reason is why he is distance he should still be a man about it and tell u that he isnt intrested or tell you something so u can move on. so i say just dont bother him unless he calls u and if he does call u should ask him why he hasnt been around much? goodluck.
dont give him..
Move on. He's no longer interested. He didn't "missed" your texts - he just lost interest. Guys are very simple. You know that fact. But your emotions are involved, and like you said, you don't want to give up, so you keep making excuses for him.
come on. be serious. this guy obviously is past you. the age difference + the ignoring your texts + texts being the only means of communication = an obviously negative situation. nothing good will come of this. leave him alone and move on to someone your own age.
Move on if he decides to text you meet somewhere you can talk and ask him what he expects in a relationship with you or if he just wants to makeout with you when he's bored and has nothing else to do. At least you will be informed and can make a decision from there if he contacts you.
I agree with eternal_relevance. Women (myself included) usually tend to overlook the faults or flashing signs sitting right in front of our faces when it comes to someone we're interested in. With experience and growing up a bit over the last few years, I've gotten better about listening to my instincts. I say let this one go, dear. Once you are of legal age, I don't believe that age is an issue. Give yourself time to grow as a woman. If you're ready to date, try to find someone closer in age and with the same maturity level.
HELLO!!! Sign #1...ignoring your text messages and making lame excuses of not receiving them. Seriously...it's not rocket science. He's not into you for a relationship. The fact that you're 7 years younger than him and not of legal age...that's probably why he doesn't want to mess with you.