Thursday, 26 March 2009

  • Why Nice Guys Finish Last

    I know you've heard the phrase about how nice guys finish last. Green Day even wrote a song with that very same title. And it's true. But it's not true because women are sadistic creatures or they like being hurt. It's true because nice guys are generally too nice. What do I mean?

    In a guy friend, women look for the guys to be caring of their feelings. They want them to be overly caring and touchy. If the girl is hurt, she wants someone to coddle her. In a boyfriend, she does not want this. She wants to be able to cry on his shoulder while he awkwardly holds her, and then threaten to kill the jerk who upset her in any way. We want a rock, not a limp noodle, for a mate. She doesn't want someone to coddle her, she wants someone to cuddle with her.

    Girls say they want a nice guy. But then when they get him, he's usually too clingy and obsessive for it to feel like a relationship. She wants to be protected and comforted, not thrown on a pedestal and smothered. We want room to breathe. And while some of us want to be with you 24/7, not all of us do. If we ask for space, it means you're too close and clingy and we feels like we are suffocating, so BACK OFF...otherwise you might end up losing us. Jealousy and obsessiveness aren't nice guy traits, so stop.

    When we talk about wanting a nice guy, we want someone who isn't going to break our hearts, someone who will defend us, if necessary; someone who will hold us when we need it, but let us go when we don't. We want someone who will remember the cute little stupid things we do and who will occasionally be romantic. We want someone strong, not someone to come into the corner with us and sympathize. If someone has hurt us, you should want to hurt them!

    Surprising us with a romantic date where you drop lots of money every once in a while...taking us on expensive dates all the time isn't really the way to go. If we are looking for a forever mate, we want someone who is smart with their money instead of someone just spending their money to impress us. We know you want to be sweet to us. We appreciate it. But something homemade, like a CD of songs for us or a notebook with all of our memories does just as well as, if not more than, that big fancy dinner three times a week.

    Showering a girl with compliments all the time is probably the main reason why she's with you...you're a great self-esteem booster and you make her feel great about herself. Good job. And pet names are quite adorable too. They make you feel like you're something special. But when you're complimenting me more than you're having actual conversations with me, it's too much. You have to think about more than me every day in your life. And my name? Honey, sweetie, baby, are all okay...sometimes.

    When it gets to the point where you discontinue your significant other's first name, in public, private, or wherever else you can be, its gone too far. Leave the nicknames for notes/texts/email/phone calls. But when you're in person, actually use their names 95% of the time. This way, they know you know their name, and they don't have to wonder when you're having sex calling them baby, it's just so you don't accidentally call out the wrong name...(though nice guys would never cheat, right?)

    So, guys, take a good look at the type of guy you are. Are you commonly saying, "Nice guys finish last"? If you are, and you're feeling like you're in the last place, take a look. Are you being too nice?

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Comments (58)

  • Dare2BDiferentt@xanga

    Nice guys don't finish last, they're just slow getting started.
  • IXOYE_AD@xanga

    I'll just be happy with my Mr. Darcy whenever I find him!
  • AllMyNamesAreTaken@xanga

    There definitely is a "too nice" category... I don't want anyone to coddle me besides maybe my parents. I knew this guy once who never called me by my full name. He always shortened it to "Lin," which a) was wrong, it should be Lynn, and b) annoyed the crap out of me because I like going by my full name in the course of conversation.

    I <3 the Green Day song.
  • shetakesphotos@xanga

    My boyfriend is the right kind of Nice Guy. He used to be very compliment-y and clingy, but I got him to be a little less so that way. How? I told him that behavior only pushed me away, and that compliments can lose their meaning if used too much. Now he's my Perfect Nice Guy <3. 
  • cmdr_keen@xanga

    Perfect analysis of the Nice Guy Syndrome. It took me a while to learn it, but now that I have... I think my Lizzie is happy :)
  • PoetMcChick@xanga

    @Dare2BDiferentt@xanga - If you say so, Nick.

    @IXOYE_AD@xanga - I know of whom you reference, but I've never read it. I'll have to get on that.

    @AllMyNamesAreTaken@xanga - Yeah. I want nice. I don't want overly obsessed nice. My best friend and I were discussing this yesterday at dinner. She just got out of a relationship of the guy who was a bit too nice. Which isn't a bad thing, for a friend.

    @GcsEvilQueen7839@xanga - See...THAT'S what we want...the perfect nice guy. :D Good job standing up to him and telling him what you needed in order to get what you wanted.

    @cmdr_keen@xanga - I'm glad you're both happy.
  • XxGoSsIpQuEenXx@xanga

    Not all nice guys finish last. Some in fact, finish first.
  • AznFier@xanga

    Guilty! I think? =o
  • SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga

    i dunno, i feel there's a "too nice" and a plain "nice" category for guys. my boyfriend is a nice guy, and he's dating me, so he clearly won out by being nice ^_^
  • Doubledb@xanga

    lol, you mostly just described a nice guy. I mean a guy who is not nice will not do these things. Sure, you want a guy to stand up for you but lets be honest. A guy may want to go beat up people who mess with you but if he does then there will be problems. You may want a guy who will hold you but feel awkward now but if things progress, would you seriously want your fiance or husband still being awkward when it comes to showing affection.

    Sure you want a guy who is a man but in real life things do not happen perfectly and making drastic judgements may be leading you do reject guys who have great potential in the future - and just because he did not threaten to beat up your boss is a silly reason not to be with a guy. Sure you do not want a wimp.. but seriously. I mean, that is like a guy saying we do not want to date or be in a relationship with a strong women because she will be too overbearing and would not be weak and submissive like we think she should be. Does that sound fair? Just making a point...
  • kawasaki_saiyan@xanga

    this reminds me of the time when i was on the bus about a month or so ago.  there was this nice guy with her gf, and boy was the nice guy getting whipped..  haha..  the girl was constantly flirting with me (with her eyes) every now and then..  it's like i took out a book and started reading, the next thing i notice she started talking about books, and when i was getting dehydrated, i took out a water bottle, and she started talking about water..  i just found that hilarious..  haha..

    if i was in his shoes, i would have got up and left the bus..  and trust me, i do what i say..

    with that being said, i think that nice guys are just way too nice and way too passive..  and with that 1-2 combo, they will more likely than not finish last..
  • flowerspushthrudirt@xanga

    When I first saw the title, I was going to argue that "nice guys only finish last in highschool, until girls grow out of that phase".


    But, I see you are not just referring to "nice guys" but overly clingy, obsessive nice guys.  And so, I agree with you completely.


    :)
  • storiesandsinker@xanga

    I don't actually think that nice guys finish last.

    I think some guys just like to feel better about themselves by saying "Blah bla bla, why do nice guys always finish last? This isn't fair" when in reality, they aren't even that nice.
  • k8tthelate@xanga

    I'd rather have a good man than a nice guy any day.
  • PoetMcChick@xanga

    @XxGoSsIpQuEenXx@xanga - I'm not mentioning just regular nice guys...I'm talking about overly nice obsessive and clingy nice guys.

    @AznFier@xanga - Haha...

    @SeitekiChibiNeko@xanga - Yeah, this was for the too nice.

    @Doubledb@xanga - I don't want someone obsessive and clingy and someone who can't be strong when I can't. I need someone to allow me space when I need/want it.

    @kawasaki_saiyan@xanga - Well, then you're the type of guy NOT in this post.

    @flowerspushthrudirt@xanga - Yup, overly clingy guys is what this was all about.

    @storiesandsinker@xanga - That IS an interesting way to look at it, isn't it?
  • Meowmeowkimmaee@xanga

    I think boyfriends can be nice too. But nice guys like this don't know how to be boyfriend-nice. They only know how to be friend-nice. There are distinctions.
  • pillowpixies@xanga

    Nice guys don't finish last, psychotically clingy guys who call themselves "nice" (to attract the opposite sex by not unveiling their true colors until they've got the lady in a net) finish last. ;)
  • lapis_lazuli917@xanga

    Although I can pick out some good things, this is very specific and also very demanding.


    I think the guys that fall into that overly clingy category are probably ones who have much more insecurity.
    Doesn't make them any easier to deal with, though >__>
  • lolquack@xanga

    I firmly believer there is a time and a place for everything.
    And there is a time where a guy should be mushy, and there's a time where they shouldnt be.
    So I completely agree with you!
    I don't understand why people are disagreeing

    We may have just started dating, but I've known him for 4 years.


    But, My boyfriend is a definition of a nice guy. And I'm lucky to have him =]
  • lolquack@xanga

    & Greenday sucks >.< xD
  • SupperMick@xanga

    @lolquack@xanga - haha I agree!



    Nice guys don't always finish last. only those who let other people get ahead of them finish last. I'm definitely the nicest guy you will ever meet, and I love it.


    I take pride in knowing that even when times get tough, I still manage to have the strength to continue to show respect and kindness and smile even when it's hard. My nice-ness is unparalleled and I wake up the happiest person because I am showing the world the love it deserves.


    You only finish last if you're racing. Being nice for the sake of expecting somethign in return isn't 100% nice, it's nice with an under-layer of selfishness and insecurity.

  • SurveysThatTakeupUrBOREDUM@xanga

    i love nice guys! :]


    im lucky enough to have one.


    though he can display those traits from time to time. but its not too bad.

  • spanz@xanga

    I don't know about you, but I LOVE nice guys.  They're the definition of what I look for in a guy.  But then there comes a time when they're TOO nice, like you said.  I know a nice guy -- a gentleman: holds doors for girls, will pay for you if you don't have money to buy lunch, will tutor you in your weakest subject(s), make you feel better in the worst of times.  He's basically some-what chivalrous, which is great.  Then there comes the gayness part - he's annoyingly clingy. I feel suffocated when he hugs me for long amounts of time in the hallways (AHEM two minutes + literally squishing me = very uncomfortable and WTF) He's great, but too girly for me. Lmao.

    So... I guess I like guys with a touch of niceness in them and BAD BOY. Yeeeh.

  • Annalyn04@xanga

    HAHAHA!! AMEN!! I completely agree!!
  • sorjai@xanga

    nothing wrong with being nice, but being a pushover sucks. Personally I never got anything from being nice. When I'm not as nice, I get more. Win-win for me =D

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