I have a friend, "Jake". Jake and I first met in high school - I was a freshman and he was a sophomore. Although we were initially hesitant to talk to each other, we became friends over time. To this day, we remain great friends and talk every day for hours at a time.
As our friendship progressed, my feelings for him over-stepped that line of friendship (obviously). We began hanging out more, talking for longer periods of time and discussing things like our families, our backgrounds and even our love lives. The only issue we didn't like to discuss was one which he held very close to him: Religion. While I am a Buddhist and I do practice religion every now and then, he is clearly a staunch Christian. Church every Sunday, Wednesday and the odd Friday. That's a lot to take in, no doubt about it.
Jake made it very clear that he would only commit himself to whom he described as a "good Christian girl". His parents share the same belief. That led me to believe that he is denying me solely based on my faith. We clearly click in every other way and he even mentioned that I'm the definition of a Good Girl in his eyes. So, what do you think? Is it worth discussing with him?
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back to the old religion vs. love issue... either love or religion... or if you lucky enough to have the same religion that your guy wants, both...
For some people religion is a huge deal breaker. If he's willing give up a great girl just because she's not Christian, he's not really worth your time.
Go ahead. You never know if he secretly changed his mind.
I'm Buddhist as well and my girlfriend's Catholic. But it hasn't affected us in anyway. She never tried to convert nor have I tried to convert her. We find it something unnecessary to factor into a relationship.
Good luck!
inter faith couples can and do work. i would talk this over with him first about your feelings and to find out his feelings for you. discuss this with his church official and with your buddhist teacher or monk. i would contact some buddhist web sites and see if there is anyone in your same situation (i know there is as i have read articles in tricycle and other buddhist magazines/books about this very thing). i am buddhist and have had inter faith relationships and we respected eachothers faith and it was never an issue. good luck!!
If it's really that important to him then it will likely get in the way of other areas of your relationship too - for example, if you married, would you go to church with him? What about your kids? I think it would be better to avoid this situation altogether and accept that he wants to marry within his faith.
Sure you should talk to him about it, but I can also understand where he is coming from. Religious differences may not be a big deal in the beginning but maybe he's thinking of the issues that may arise in the long run. (ie. If both parents are of different religions, which religion will they teach the kids. Maybe he feels like he needs someone to grow in his faith, etc.)
Since I share the same convictions as your guy, I would say that I have met a lot of guys that I thought were great, nice guys. But they didn't share my love of God. Didn't understand or agree with missions' trips, worship, God, Jesus, and basically the entire way and reason I live my life. I don't go out with guys who don't understand or share this. It is too important to me. I don't know about your guy, but if that is how he feels, you may need to respect that.
One's faith should be at the core of who you are as a person. It defines you, guides your morality, your priorities, your vision, goals and purpose for life and those around you. If you aren't committed to your faith as he is, then maybe you should examine that.
Mixed relationships can work, but there has to be big compromise on both parts, and for some faith elements, this doesn't work. If I was to date and marry, I could not date a non-Catholic. There are two many things that would be important to me about it.
I wouldn't bother. His conviction would probably bug you.
Wasn't this just an issue about a week ago? This time, the moods sound different compared to the last argument. In the last article, the guy did truly love the girl, but the rules of the convent was a hinderance. This time around, it sounds like the guy just wants a christian girl.
@TornadoChaser@momaroo - My thoughts side with you.
@laytexduckie@xanga - But my thoughts also side with you too.
@buddy71@xanga - From her point of view, not likely. It's worked with you (awesome, btw), but it's not going to work with this one.
I've said it before; compromising religions is a very serious step. It's one thing if he's going to be cool with it, but forcing you to conform to a religion, especially if you don't want to, is not something he has a right to do. Although I believe (and would like to enforce, really) in laytex duckie's viewpoints, I side stronger with Tornadochaser on this argument. Talk to him about it. If he and his parents can't accept you SOLELY on your religion, don't bother with him and find somebody that does.
You could either do 1) step back into the friend zone or 2) discuss it with him. If you choose to discuss it with him, it will just arise more issues than it already does. It might be all fine and dandy at first when your lust blinds you but after that settles down, the worst is yet to come. If the relationship works, you either 1) convert or 2) compromise.
There are some things that you just can't push with people, and one of them is religion. Besides dealing with his way of screening girlfriends, you'd have to bear his parents' constant scrutiny as well. For you, I'm hoping he'd be willing to give something else a try, but it seems like if he hasn't tried it already, he's either not on the same page or is seriously just not going to break his self-made rules. If you talk to him, it'd probably be a tentative conversation that leads to some tension. It depends on what you prize more: knowing you tried or preserving the friendship as it is now. I'm sorry those are two horrible choices to choose from. Good luck!
From what you've written, it seems that he's pretty intent on finding that good Christian girl, maybe though, that's blinding him from what he already has. If you feel comfortable enough, I'd discuss it with him. Maybe this was an idea that his parents pressed on him, and he's just convinced it's the only option. I'd give it a shot...
It wouldn't hurt to discuss it with him.
i'd say talk to him
i believe that no one religion is correct or pureas long as the person have good moralsInterfaith relationships can totally work, as long as both sides are respectful and supportive of the other's world view, and prepared to compromise on their own. However, if the guy's doesn't see it that way already, it would be a mistake to try to talk him into it - these things have to come from within. I'd move on. Maybe his eyes will open on their own, but I wouldn't bank on it.
Buddhism and Christianity are similar enough, some very similar readings on morality. Pick up a book on Jesus and Buddha as brothers from Amazon...
http://www.amazon.com/Going-Home-Jesus-Buddha-Brothers/dp/1573228303
The big difference is the God thing. Frankly, if he likes you enough he should be able to get over it, and bring his parents along too. Gotta be independent at some point.
For me, I have told my friends and interested guys clearly that I will only date a Christian guy. And they have taken it quite well, because I was honest from the start...so as not to give anyone false hopes. So if you say I reject someone based on their religion, you are right.
But it's not the religion that holds me back. It's because like what some of the people have mentioned, the religion is a core part of me. And because it's core, there are certain things that govern my behaviour, which my other half, who would be very important, must understand and accept. I cannot expect him to accept or understand these things, if he doesn't hold the same view as me.
Things such as giving part of your money to church when your SO thinks you can spend it on something else, volunteering at church when your SO rathers you two hang out somewhere else instead...etc etc...there are a lot of other factors to consider.
We talk about compromising...like how Jake (the christian guy)...but I think Jake has made his stand pretty clear from the start...and he has also not pressured you to change to anything for him...maybe he knows that compromise is not an issue here. Maybe he really just wants someone to grow with him...in his faith...his life..and he understands that unless you have the same religion as him, you will not be able to follow the same direction that he is headed to...and how can two people be together if they are headed for East and West separately?
I know it's difficult...but I always think it would be worse if you got into a r/s and later have to get out of it coz of these underlying probs...will hurt even more..
Don't ever marry someone, or date someone unwilling to go outside their religious beliefs. They will be uncompromising to you and it is completely unfair. Besides, if he's idiotic enough to refuse someone because she doesn't fit in with some ridiculous ideal of a woman, then he probably doesn't have that high an opinion of women to begin with. I suggest not wasting your time and hopefully you'll find someone who is interested in you for who you are.
@bigcatholicmicah@xanga - Please stop spreading your bullshit. Not everyone needs faith. I'd argue that nobody needs faith, they just think they need it.
why is religion an issue! this is sad... i neva seen religion as something to be a block in anything :(
hmmm talk to him see what he says good luck :)Run. Run away.
Even if you manage to bring him around, there's still his family to deal with. Is this guy worth all the headaches?
sounds like a real stumbling block in this case. you may like each other a lot, but religion is always going to be an arguing point. unless one of you converts. which doesn't seem likely.
@IfIWereAchilles@xanga - so you don't need faith. That is fine. I do. The other 1 billon Catholic in the world do. The other 1 billion other Christians do too. So do the quarter of a billion Buddists, and 1.3 billion Muslims.
I would think though, that being a creative writing major, you could do better than label something you disagree with as "bullshit." I did not attack the author of this post, nor am I attacking you. Xanga is about sharing thoughts, looking at issues from other perspectives, and sharing your own. It is about community. Or least, I thought is was.
@bigcatholicmicah@xanga - You didn't attack the poster, but you came off as being rather judgmental: "One's faith should be at the core of who you are as a person... If you aren't committed to your faith as he is, then maybe you should examine that."
"Should" is prescriptive, and you implied that her way of life was deficient. There are less rebarbative ways of getting your point across.
And, not to quibble, but there is a wide, wide variation in depth and mode of practice in amongst the billions you cited. All those numbers certainly sound impressive, but they don't really prove anything relevant.