Never be available when he wants you to be. If he asks you out on a Monday, tell him you're only available on Wednesday. And if he calls too late, tell him you've already got plans.This is completely counterproductive. I understand wanting to be coy and mysterious because that's what books tell you that's what you should do, but this is ridiculous. If you like someone and he likes you, why would you prolong the amount of time you lead him on? Wouldn't you want to get together as quickly as possible without games, "does she/he like me" moments and relationship ambiguity? Yes.
And the idea that someone should continually pursue you to be worth your time is bullshit, too. Making the first move is one thing; calling you over and over to have you refuse every time is another. Grow up.
STEREOTYPE SMASHED.
Smash your own
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Comments (28)
It's important to not be too available in the beginning. However, if you overdo it (like what's mentioned in the first paragraph), he may not think you're interested and back off.
Dude. The Rules are hilarious.
But I had a friend who followed them religiously and was married within a year of reading the book.
Coincidence?
@Super___Connected@xanga - Amazing!
I think developing feelings is part knowing that the other party might be interested in you and part wondering if the other party likes you as much as you like them. I'm pretty sure at first you have to maintain that type of tension. If someone knows that you're reaaaaaaally interested in them, it kind of takes part of the "fun" out of it.
It's all about balance and following your instincts.
I love the Pirates of the Caribbean take on "rules": "they're more like... guidelines".
Every situation is different, and trying to place a "one-size-fits-all" solution on to it is just not going to work.
I honestly don't know how I feel about this one... I used to be too available, and got hurt way too many times. Now I'm at the opposite extreme - I'm very introverted, don't put myself out there, period - and so if a guy were to call, I'm sure that I would initially tell him I was not available on whatever time he suggested. I'm not sure that the "Rules" are accurate, but... I wonder if balance is the key. And I say that tongue in cheek... considering that I am horrible at keeping balance in my life. It's a thought...
Most of my relationships started because I was pretty upfront with my feelings. I don't play the "play hard to get" or "not be available" when you are games. I think it's a waste of time and childish. If I like you and you like me, let's roll.
@Super___Connected@xanga - Only a year? Apparently she didn''t lead him on that long.
haha I never ever played hard to get, I would flirt and they would instantly know I liked them.(isn't that the whole purpose? to let the other person know you like them as well?) I never believed in the rules. If I was available to go out, I would immediately! Why waste time when you like someone? Let them know you like them back! It doesn't mean you appear desperate or clingy, but leading someone on is just not the way to go.
I don't really do anything. If they're interested enough they come up to me. If I'm interested enough I go up to them. Haven't found anyone like that in a while, though.
eh
I absolutely agree.
There's a balance... guys enjoy a chase, but you have to show them your interested somewhat... ya know?
I had the biggest crush on this guy. I played hard to get, he chased me.... then after a few weeks expressed to me how confused he was that I never talked to him first or showed interest. I almost scared him off by being too hard to get!
So yep.. I agree to some extent that stereotypes that need to be smashed! But I don't advocate throwing yourself at someone. =)
i totally agree with you. this ridiculous structure that society built on this dating system is the only thing i have no choice but to follow. if i like a guy, i have to pretend to not like him so he can "chase" me in order to get the guy. this is soo much work and stress on my emotions. but i guess thats what dating is.
I wrote a datingish post a while ago about opposites and how they don't attract.
I had to read the book that the quote is from for my Human Sexuality class. It's called "The Rules: Time-tested Secrets For Capturing the Heart of Mr. Right" and it's complete bullshit. I wrote an entire paper on why the attitude women are expected to display in the book to get married does not work in today's society. Hard-to-get is a waste of time for everyone involved. You're way more likely to lose him then end up with him in the end. After high school the silly games should be over when it comes to dating.
it depends on the guy really..some guys i could be straight up with my feelings and it worked instantly..others its like im competing with a bunch of girls i dont even know so playing hard to get or something along those lines is something to make you stand out. dont listen to me tho im having trouble as it is lol
@Super___Connected@xanga - whoa...really?
But yeah, I agree this stereotype is risky for women to be playing. Play too hard and we'll look elsewhere. We'll give a hell of a fight; but if the game goes on long enough, we will find somebody who is more available/at least ready to talk.
well im not a first-move-doer type. i'd rather the guy be confident and catch me
I totally agree with this post.
Anybody playing "The Game" is too insecure to go up and just talk to a girl like a normal person. If you're interested, you're interested. If not then you just so kindly go on your merry way, big deal end of story. Not calling for 3 days and not being available is just frustrating more than anything. And honestly if girls pull that shit with me I stop trying.
This post reminds me of the movie "Amelie". The girl purposefully makes herself as hard to get as possible but she builds her entire cat and mouse game around the guy's interests so it works really f'ing well. She definitely didn't follow a rule book though.
The whole idea behind playing hard to get is that it creates a build up of emotion in the other person. Is that really necessary? Who knows? If you want a lasting marriage don't do this because they might propose because of the emotions and not the compatibility.
@miss_prettyinpink@xanga - why is that important?
WORD.
Then again, you shouldn't be too available either..
it's bed time, nights!!